This fool is a genius. Check this:
Footprints in the Sand
There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said "Now look back;
You'll see one set of tracks.
That's when you got a piggy-back ride."
I hate that story, so I loved to see it mocked. The others are fantastic, too. Go here.
July 24, 2007
July 23, 2007
Spoiler alert! (Stay back)
Seriously, beasts, if you haven't finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows yet, don't read this. Don't do it.
Oh, I could say a million things about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows probably, but trouble is, it’s all murked over by this: Fred Weasley is dead. I was not so naïve as to expect that all nine Weasleys would survive the war, but seriously? Killing Fred was a low blow, Jo. (Sorry, can’t resist rhyming.) Once that happened, I had to read the book through a mist of tears. And then there was snot. Killing Fred was only half a step away from killing Ron or Ginny. How is poor George going to carry on? That’s like splitting his soul in two, killing his twin. She could have killed either of the Weasley parents or Bill or Percy—or Charlie, who only came home to get a haircut, apparently. What the fuck? I imagine J.K. was kind of sorry she’d invented another Weasley brother, because she couldn’t figure out anything for him to do, but still. He could have at least shown up somewhere before everyone came pouring into Hogwarts from the Hog’s Head.
Okay, so I bawled like a baby, too, when Percy showed up and finally admitted he’d been wrong. What? I was already emotional. I was so scared she was going to kill McGonagall. Or Neville.
Also! I just forgot about this till this moment, but Oliver Wood came back! To fight evil! And he’s been gone for three books! Yay, Oliver.
How cruel, the killing of Hedwig. Was that really necessary? WAS IT?
What was Dumbledore’s last? I kind of feel bad for Petunia now. She wanted to be special like her younger sister, and the fact that she wasn’t turned her sour. BUT WHAT DID DUMBLEDORE SAY TO HER? Grrr.
I spent a lot of the book figuring out things before Harry and Hermione even came close. For instance, as soon as they found out Grindelwald had stolen the Elder Wand, I knew that Dumbledore had to have it, since he dueled and defeated Grindelwald most famously. It took Harry eight years to figure that out. I can’t remember what else I figured out first (dead Fred), but I mean. It was kind of easy.
Who raised Teddy Lupin? And thanks, fifth movie, for making me like Tonks again, just in time for her to die stupidly. Well, I imagine Andromeda raised him.
The epilogue was adorable, and when I saw that Harry had named his younger son after Snape, whom he had so strongly hated, but who had done everything to protect him, I cried again.
Also, I knew the whole entire time the exact scenario of Dumbledore’s death. Obviously, the curse that had killed his hand was killing him, and he asked Snape to kill him to prevent Draco Malfoy from doing so, because he was going to die anyway—he’d had his time to make peace with that. I told Melissa this last week. I never believed Snape was evil. Never. But I did think he was petty and childish. Still, he was pretty much the bravest character in the series, wasn’t he? Do you think Harry could have killed Dumbledore? I don’t. Also, the part that clinched the “Snape is not evil” thing is when he punished Ginny, Luna, and Neville for trying to steal Gryffindor’s sword by giving them detention with Hagrid. Evil Snape would have strung them up in the dungeons, like the Carrows were doing.
And. Once I knew that Harry would go willingly to his death, it became obvious that he was not going to die. I was pretty sure she’d never kill him, but I mean, really. When you sacrifice yourself for the good of the entire world, you always get to come back. Right, Jesus?
I hate that Harry became an accidental horcrux or whatever, but I guess that’s why he got to die but then come back to life. Because Voldemort only killed a part of his own soul when Harry gave himself up.
Interesting that Draco didn’t give up Harry and Hermione when they got taken to the Malfoys’. And then Harry saved his life. Harry’s so good and pure and true. Barf.
Ron’s desertion made me really nervous. Thank god Dumbledore knew what he was doing.
Seriously, y’all. I was so scared McGonagall was gonna bite it. Trelawney throwing crystal balls at the Death Eaters was awesome.
Percy has some job at Hogwarts, I guess? Broomstick regulations. I love that Neville took over for Professor Sprout. Oh! I also love Neville’s badass grandma.
Good on Molly for dueling (and killing) Bellatrix Lestrange.
Think there’s a little something developing between Dean and Luna? Cute.
Good guys who died:
Hedwig
Mad-Eye
Dobby
Ted Tonks (and that other guy he was with)
Fred
Lupin
Tonks
COLIN CREEVEY
What the fuck? That was cruel, too, killing poor little Colin Creevey.
So Melissa told me that when J.K. was writing the book, she wept while she killed one of the characters. It had to be Dobby, right? Or Fred. Did other people die and I just wasn’t paying attention? Because that’s a really low death count. Oh, fuck. Snape. Remember Snape? Yeah. He died. Sheesh. Do you think she wept when she killed Snape? He doesn’t engender that much sympathy. Although, she knew what he’d done the whole time, while the rest of us had to learn of it after he died. I was convinced it was Hagrid, and I was really sad about that.
Oh, and when the centaurs and the House Elves joined the fight, renewed tears. I don’t know why! It was just all very emotional—that these creatures who’d been debased by wizards, but whom Harry had always treated well—were willing to fight and die for him, for his wizards.
I had some nits to pick, but I can’t fucking remember what they are. Something dumb, no doubt.
I liked the return of Hermione’s blue flames that can be kept in a jar. Good throwback.
Obviously, I was bawling when Harry used the Resurrection Stone to talk to the adults who loved him. That's the part that got me going in Goblet of Fire, when James and Lily tell him to be brave and fight off Voldemort for him, and oh, god. Dead parents! Never not sad! Poor Teddy.
Is Teddy a werewolf? Well...we could look at lycanthropy as a disease and not a genetic mutation, so it wouldn't get passed down to successive generations. And also, according to Tonks, "metamorphmagi are really rare," so how come her son is one? You apparently don't have entire families of metamorphmagi. I got the impression they were sports. You know? Whatever. It's cute, Teddy with his blue hair. There! That was a nit, and now I have picked it.
Here's my fave bit from a review so far: "I have NO idea how they are going to turn this book into a movie that is less than 3 hours long and in my head I could almost imagine whoever ends up being the director of this movie yelling at Rowling, 'You're throwing a chapter of flashbacks into the middle of the final battle sequence?! How in the hell are we supposed to handle THAT?!' I don't know dude or dudette - may the force be with you on that one." --from the Caffeinated Librarian
The woman does have some serious pacing problems; I've been getting bogged down in the middle of these bad boys since Goblet of Fire, but eventually, it all turns out to be worth it. Thanks for writing, Jo. Thanks for getting people excited about books. It was amazing to see how many people were standing in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble on Friday night, waiting for a book. For getting people excited to read, even if they don't go on to other books after this, Rowling deserves all the accolades and all the millions. Yes, I believe there are better books, but I love these desperately, and I'm glad half the planet does, as well.
Now! A special edition of what you should read next to fill the Potter void:
His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
A Wrinkle in Time and its four companions by Madeleine L'Engle
Redwall and its millions of sequels/prequels/etc. by Brian Jacques
The Eyre Affair and its sequels by Jasper Fforde
Mary Poppins and its sequels by P.L. Travers
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie--trust me. This is classic British literature for children. Just try not to think of Michael Jackson.
I hear Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising is good, but I didn't like whichever one of those I read (The Grey King, I think), but it was in the middle of the series, so maybe I should hold off judgment. And Lloyd Alexander's Chronicles of Pyrdain keep getting recommended, and since I only read the last one, I can't judge those either. Ursula K. Leguin has apparently written a pretty compelling fantasy series, but I haven't read those either. That list up there, those are my go-tos. And I haven't even finished His Dark Materials, but the first book (The Golden Compass) was so good.
Okay, so maybe I did have a million things to say, but there are probably a million more. Let me just end with this: RIP, Fred.
Oh, I could say a million things about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows probably, but trouble is, it’s all murked over by this: Fred Weasley is dead. I was not so naïve as to expect that all nine Weasleys would survive the war, but seriously? Killing Fred was a low blow, Jo. (Sorry, can’t resist rhyming.) Once that happened, I had to read the book through a mist of tears. And then there was snot. Killing Fred was only half a step away from killing Ron or Ginny. How is poor George going to carry on? That’s like splitting his soul in two, killing his twin. She could have killed either of the Weasley parents or Bill or Percy—or Charlie, who only came home to get a haircut, apparently. What the fuck? I imagine J.K. was kind of sorry she’d invented another Weasley brother, because she couldn’t figure out anything for him to do, but still. He could have at least shown up somewhere before everyone came pouring into Hogwarts from the Hog’s Head.
Okay, so I bawled like a baby, too, when Percy showed up and finally admitted he’d been wrong. What? I was already emotional. I was so scared she was going to kill McGonagall. Or Neville.
Also! I just forgot about this till this moment, but Oliver Wood came back! To fight evil! And he’s been gone for three books! Yay, Oliver.
How cruel, the killing of Hedwig. Was that really necessary? WAS IT?
What was Dumbledore’s last? I kind of feel bad for Petunia now. She wanted to be special like her younger sister, and the fact that she wasn’t turned her sour. BUT WHAT DID DUMBLEDORE SAY TO HER? Grrr.
I spent a lot of the book figuring out things before Harry and Hermione even came close. For instance, as soon as they found out Grindelwald had stolen the Elder Wand, I knew that Dumbledore had to have it, since he dueled and defeated Grindelwald most famously. It took Harry eight years to figure that out. I can’t remember what else I figured out first (dead Fred), but I mean. It was kind of easy.
Who raised Teddy Lupin? And thanks, fifth movie, for making me like Tonks again, just in time for her to die stupidly. Well, I imagine Andromeda raised him.
The epilogue was adorable, and when I saw that Harry had named his younger son after Snape, whom he had so strongly hated, but who had done everything to protect him, I cried again.
Also, I knew the whole entire time the exact scenario of Dumbledore’s death. Obviously, the curse that had killed his hand was killing him, and he asked Snape to kill him to prevent Draco Malfoy from doing so, because he was going to die anyway—he’d had his time to make peace with that. I told Melissa this last week. I never believed Snape was evil. Never. But I did think he was petty and childish. Still, he was pretty much the bravest character in the series, wasn’t he? Do you think Harry could have killed Dumbledore? I don’t. Also, the part that clinched the “Snape is not evil” thing is when he punished Ginny, Luna, and Neville for trying to steal Gryffindor’s sword by giving them detention with Hagrid. Evil Snape would have strung them up in the dungeons, like the Carrows were doing.
And. Once I knew that Harry would go willingly to his death, it became obvious that he was not going to die. I was pretty sure she’d never kill him, but I mean, really. When you sacrifice yourself for the good of the entire world, you always get to come back. Right, Jesus?
I hate that Harry became an accidental horcrux or whatever, but I guess that’s why he got to die but then come back to life. Because Voldemort only killed a part of his own soul when Harry gave himself up.
Interesting that Draco didn’t give up Harry and Hermione when they got taken to the Malfoys’. And then Harry saved his life. Harry’s so good and pure and true. Barf.
Ron’s desertion made me really nervous. Thank god Dumbledore knew what he was doing.
Seriously, y’all. I was so scared McGonagall was gonna bite it. Trelawney throwing crystal balls at the Death Eaters was awesome.
Percy has some job at Hogwarts, I guess? Broomstick regulations. I love that Neville took over for Professor Sprout. Oh! I also love Neville’s badass grandma.
Good on Molly for dueling (and killing) Bellatrix Lestrange.
Think there’s a little something developing between Dean and Luna? Cute.
Good guys who died:
Hedwig
Mad-Eye
Dobby
Ted Tonks (and that other guy he was with)
Fred
Lupin
Tonks
COLIN CREEVEY
What the fuck? That was cruel, too, killing poor little Colin Creevey.
So Melissa told me that when J.K. was writing the book, she wept while she killed one of the characters. It had to be Dobby, right? Or Fred. Did other people die and I just wasn’t paying attention? Because that’s a really low death count. Oh, fuck. Snape. Remember Snape? Yeah. He died. Sheesh. Do you think she wept when she killed Snape? He doesn’t engender that much sympathy. Although, she knew what he’d done the whole time, while the rest of us had to learn of it after he died. I was convinced it was Hagrid, and I was really sad about that.
Oh, and when the centaurs and the House Elves joined the fight, renewed tears. I don’t know why! It was just all very emotional—that these creatures who’d been debased by wizards, but whom Harry had always treated well—were willing to fight and die for him, for his wizards.
I had some nits to pick, but I can’t fucking remember what they are. Something dumb, no doubt.
I liked the return of Hermione’s blue flames that can be kept in a jar. Good throwback.
Obviously, I was bawling when Harry used the Resurrection Stone to talk to the adults who loved him. That's the part that got me going in Goblet of Fire, when James and Lily tell him to be brave and fight off Voldemort for him, and oh, god. Dead parents! Never not sad! Poor Teddy.
Is Teddy a werewolf? Well...we could look at lycanthropy as a disease and not a genetic mutation, so it wouldn't get passed down to successive generations. And also, according to Tonks, "metamorphmagi are really rare," so how come her son is one? You apparently don't have entire families of metamorphmagi. I got the impression they were sports. You know? Whatever. It's cute, Teddy with his blue hair. There! That was a nit, and now I have picked it.
Here's my fave bit from a review so far: "I have NO idea how they are going to turn this book into a movie that is less than 3 hours long and in my head I could almost imagine whoever ends up being the director of this movie yelling at Rowling, 'You're throwing a chapter of flashbacks into the middle of the final battle sequence?! How in the hell are we supposed to handle THAT?!' I don't know dude or dudette - may the force be with you on that one." --from the Caffeinated Librarian
The woman does have some serious pacing problems; I've been getting bogged down in the middle of these bad boys since Goblet of Fire, but eventually, it all turns out to be worth it. Thanks for writing, Jo. Thanks for getting people excited about books. It was amazing to see how many people were standing in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble on Friday night, waiting for a book. For getting people excited to read, even if they don't go on to other books after this, Rowling deserves all the accolades and all the millions. Yes, I believe there are better books, but I love these desperately, and I'm glad half the planet does, as well.
Now! A special edition of what you should read next to fill the Potter void:
His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
A Wrinkle in Time and its four companions by Madeleine L'Engle
Redwall and its millions of sequels/prequels/etc. by Brian Jacques
The Eyre Affair and its sequels by Jasper Fforde
Mary Poppins and its sequels by P.L. Travers
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie--trust me. This is classic British literature for children. Just try not to think of Michael Jackson.
I hear Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising is good, but I didn't like whichever one of those I read (The Grey King, I think), but it was in the middle of the series, so maybe I should hold off judgment. And Lloyd Alexander's Chronicles of Pyrdain keep getting recommended, and since I only read the last one, I can't judge those either. Ursula K. Leguin has apparently written a pretty compelling fantasy series, but I haven't read those either. That list up there, those are my go-tos. And I haven't even finished His Dark Materials, but the first book (The Golden Compass) was so good.
Okay, so maybe I did have a million things to say, but there are probably a million more. Let me just end with this: RIP, Fred.
A lot about asses
Is it wrong that I was wishing ass cancer on the President? Well, what do you want if every news source is going on and on about his colonoscopy? I mean, was that necessary? No. No it was not.
In sadder ass cancer news (and I mean this), RIP, Tammy Faye.
In sadder ass cancer news (and I mean this), RIP, Tammy Faye.
July 22, 2007
Possible spoiler--be warned, adventurous stranger!
Okay, I know most people have only had this book in their hot little hands for about 24 hours, so I'm not giving away anything specific, but I needed to get this out there. This single line of dialogue is the first thing in the book that really made me cry:
"He must've known you'd always want to come back."
It made me cry again, just reading it so I could type it out properly.
Anyway, the book was great; I have to add another to the "books that have made me sob" list, and I had some nitpicks as I always do, and I can't quite look at it as literature yet and pick it apart, because I got overly emotionally attached. I was a wreck till the end, y'all, and I'm exhausted. Goodnight.
"He must've known you'd always want to come back."
It made me cry again, just reading it so I could type it out properly.
Anyway, the book was great; I have to add another to the "books that have made me sob" list, and I had some nitpicks as I always do, and I can't quite look at it as literature yet and pick it apart, because I got overly emotionally attached. I was a wreck till the end, y'all, and I'm exhausted. Goodnight.
July 20, 2007
Double obsessions
Yesterday, I was complaining to Melissa that I couldn't stand waiting for Harry Potter, and she was like, "Yes you can. You're an adult." And I was like, "I am not an adult." And she said, "You said that like it was a swear!" And it is.
Okay, bitches, there are less than thirteen hours left, and I can't stand it.
After Ryan Assman tells Kelly she's safe from elimination in the Top Four episode, she looks so surprised. And she gives Tamyra most of her surprised face. Did Kelly and Tamyra decide that one of them had to be in the bottom two that week? And Kelly apparently thought it was her? I don't get it. Also, it's still bullshit that Tamyra got booted, and why did she ever fade into obscurity? I kind of miss you, Tamyra Gray.
Okay, bitches, there are less than thirteen hours left, and I can't stand it.
After Ryan Assman tells Kelly she's safe from elimination in the Top Four episode, she looks so surprised. And she gives Tamyra most of her surprised face. Did Kelly and Tamyra decide that one of them had to be in the bottom two that week? And Kelly apparently thought it was her? I don't get it. Also, it's still bullshit that Tamyra got booted, and why did she ever fade into obscurity? I kind of miss you, Tamyra Gray.
The other obsession
So Kelly's album isn't selling well or some shit. I don't understand. It's better than Thankful and Breakaway. Combined. I don't even know if that makes any sense, but whatever. It's the best album of 2007! (Sorry, The White Stripes) Also, people at work started talking slightly bad about her because of all this tour-canceling, record-bombing madness, and I nearly threw a shitfit. I mean, slightly bad, because these people couldn't really care less about the fate of the American Idol queen. But I can't control myself. I have never gone this bugfuck for a celebrity; it's almost embarrassing, except she's so magnificent, so who cares?
All this is a lead-in to this fact: as much as I love her, I actually hate one of the performances she did on AI, and I actually think--hold onto your hats--someone sang the song better on a later season. This song was "It's Raining Men," the gayest song in the entire world. Kelly tanked on it, but at that point in the season, I think all the judges knew she was going to win--or at least be in the finals--and they wanted her to be, so they totally didn't criticize her. But it sucked. And you know who did it better? That other friend to 'mos everywhere, Kimberley Locke. It took me four years to admit this to myself, people. I have a problem.
All this is a lead-in to this fact: as much as I love her, I actually hate one of the performances she did on AI, and I actually think--hold onto your hats--someone sang the song better on a later season. This song was "It's Raining Men," the gayest song in the entire world. Kelly tanked on it, but at that point in the season, I think all the judges knew she was going to win--or at least be in the finals--and they wanted her to be, so they totally didn't criticize her. But it sucked. And you know who did it better? That other friend to 'mos everywhere, Kimberley Locke. It took me four years to admit this to myself, people. I have a problem.
July 19, 2007
I have two obsessions right now. Guess what they are.
So today, at lunch, I decided to go to Barnes and Noble for two purposes. One, to buy the issue of Blender with my number one imaginary girlfriend on the cover (hotness). Two, to reserve Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I know; I was, like, six months late or whatever. And! I was just in time, because the pleasant customer service lady at my neighborhood B&N told me they were only taking reservations for the next twenty minutes. And then I would be fucked. Thank god I went at lunch instead of after work, like I had originally planned. I wonder if Mike would go with me tomorrow night, just so I don't have to stand in line by myself like a loser. Anyway, I went at lunch because I started reading Blender's article about Kelly online, got giddy, and decided I needed to read the hard copy in private. Not for dirty reasons, bitches. Just so I didn't squee out like a twelve-year-old girl at an 'N Sync concert in front of people. Okay? So I had to get it at lunch. There is no waiting for Kelly Clarkson. And now I am most definitely going to get a copy of Harry Potter and the [mother-fucking] Deathly Hallows tomorrow night. Melissa read a review of it in the New York Times today, which she said gave away what the deathly hallows were, and she was, like, no way anyone's figured that out. Now, way back in ancient days (aka January or December), I looked hallows up in the trusty...um, not the OED. Well, I looked it up somewhere, and a hallow, as I thought, is a saint or otherwise holy person, as in All Hallows' Eve, a-to-the-k-to-the-a, Halloween, the night before All Saints' Day (which must have originally been called All Hallows' Day). Some other dictionary also said a hallow could be a relic from a holy person/saint, I think, so I was, like, um maybe the hallows are the horcruxes? You know, the horcruxes the big bad LV made from Hogwarts Founder relics? But I was not impressed with that theory. That's a rather dumb thing to put in the title the book. However, so was this Half-Blood Prince. Although, I guess big bad Snape played quite the role in the book in which he was a titular character. (How do you like that, Potter? The only other character referenced in a title is the one person you hate!) So then I was, like, well...deathly--that could mean causing death. Or it could mean...like death. The hallows are like death? What! Dementors? Inferi? What the fuck? The hallows cause death? So...a relic that causes death? God dammit. A holy person that causes death? THERE ARE NO HOLY PEOPLE IN HARRY POTTER! Unless she's co-opted hallow to mean "powerful wizard" or something else without any connotation of holy by adding "deathly" in front of it. I have no idea! This has been bugging me for a long time, because of the specific meaning of the word hallow, but I let it go until Melissa started talking about that stupid book review.
Okay, so. A hallow is a saint or a saint's relic. Deathly saint. There is nothing in Harry Potter that could be a deathly saint. Unless it's dementors--where do they even come from? Or a deathly holy relic. Or she's just introducing something entirely new. How about that? In her land, hallowed means deeply magical, and these deeply magical things cause death. How about that?
Okay, so. A hallow is a saint or a saint's relic. Deathly saint. There is nothing in Harry Potter that could be a deathly saint. Unless it's dementors--where do they even come from? Or a deathly holy relic. Or she's just introducing something entirely new. How about that? In her land, hallowed means deeply magical, and these deeply magical things cause death. How about that?
July 14, 2007
Why Order of the Phoenix is my favorite Harry Potter film
Seriously, you guys. It is. it's totally my least favorite Harry Potter book, but it somehow produced the best movie. Somehow, David Yates managed to cram in almost all the important parts of the book without making it feel crammed. He left out some stuff and changed some stuff that upset me, but, well, duh. Still, it was the best adaptation of a book I've seen in a long while. I can't really explain better than that, but I did want to list some specific things that made me love the movie.
That girl they found to play Luna Lovegood is spot-on perfect. As perfect as Emma Watson is for Hermione and Rupert Grint is for Ron. Maybe even more perfect.
The Weasley twins' W in fireworks is the Ministry's M upside down---exactly. I love that subtle image of rebellion. I LOVE IT.
Even though she serves no purpose to the plot of the film, Tonks is there, being awesome. And in the five minutes (or less) we have of screen time, we get several of her characterizations: she's astonished by the cleanliness of the Dursleys', because her Muggle pop's a slob (okay, the Muggle pop's thing not in there--and perhaps her father was Muggle-born, I can't effing remember); we see her change her hair color and her noses to make Ginny laugh; we discover that she hates her given name of Nymphadora, and we also see that, while she's good at disguises, she's a fuckin' klutz. It's all so well done! I forgot I even liked Tonks, because she bloody sucks in Half-Blood Prince, all inexplicably in love with Lupin, who has to be, like, fifteen years older than her. I would have hooked her up with Charlie, since Bill is so taken with Mademoiselle Delacour.
While I was watching the movie, I figured out what truly and utterly bugs me about J.K. Rowling's writing. She creates these fab stories and these fab characters, but she writes about her characters in a way that, like, prevents me from actually caring about them. Like, I was totally put off by Luna in the books, and even Hermione kind of sucks sometimes, but in the movies, they're both awesome. That's why I was nAHt impressed with the first book--because I couldn't get invested in the characters. But in the movies, you totally can. And I blame that on Rowling's writing. I know that's totally snobbish or whatever, and it's not like I could do better, but you know. I'm not trying to.
This movie handled the Harry/Cho thing way better than the book. Because it was barely there. That gets a thumbs up from me. Also, I liked the subtle reminders that Ginny's still pretty stuck on Harry. Those were good.
Barely any OWL nonsense.
So much less exposition. So much less.
That girl they found to play Luna Lovegood is spot-on perfect. As perfect as Emma Watson is for Hermione and Rupert Grint is for Ron. Maybe even more perfect.
The Weasley twins' W in fireworks is the Ministry's M upside down---exactly. I love that subtle image of rebellion. I LOVE IT.
Even though she serves no purpose to the plot of the film, Tonks is there, being awesome. And in the five minutes (or less) we have of screen time, we get several of her characterizations: she's astonished by the cleanliness of the Dursleys', because her Muggle pop's a slob (okay, the Muggle pop's thing not in there--and perhaps her father was Muggle-born, I can't effing remember); we see her change her hair color and her noses to make Ginny laugh; we discover that she hates her given name of Nymphadora, and we also see that, while she's good at disguises, she's a fuckin' klutz. It's all so well done! I forgot I even liked Tonks, because she bloody sucks in Half-Blood Prince, all inexplicably in love with Lupin, who has to be, like, fifteen years older than her. I would have hooked her up with Charlie, since Bill is so taken with Mademoiselle Delacour.
While I was watching the movie, I figured out what truly and utterly bugs me about J.K. Rowling's writing. She creates these fab stories and these fab characters, but she writes about her characters in a way that, like, prevents me from actually caring about them. Like, I was totally put off by Luna in the books, and even Hermione kind of sucks sometimes, but in the movies, they're both awesome. That's why I was nAHt impressed with the first book--because I couldn't get invested in the characters. But in the movies, you totally can. And I blame that on Rowling's writing. I know that's totally snobbish or whatever, and it's not like I could do better, but you know. I'm not trying to.
This movie handled the Harry/Cho thing way better than the book. Because it was barely there. That gets a thumbs up from me. Also, I liked the subtle reminders that Ginny's still pretty stuck on Harry. Those were good.
Barely any OWL nonsense.
So much less exposition. So much less.
July 13, 2007
I don't belong here
Okay, seriously, my iTunes decided to play Brandi Carlile's cover of "Creep" at almost the same time the River decided to play the Radiohead version. Come on. That's awesome. Even if I was only listening to Brandi Carlile songs. Still! I have 32 of them, and it picked "Creep" when Radiohead was on the radio. I love iTunes.
July 9, 2007
I spent an entire summer reading, and I only waited two years to write about it
Here's a fact: I have read all of the 86 Newbery Award winners except the two most recent (so...84), and I have only really enjoyed 13:
Adam of the Road by Elizabeth Janet Gray
Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg
Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Clearly
The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley
Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia McLachlan
Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli
Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
The Giver by Lois Lowry
The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo
A few (Johnny Tremain, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and Shiloh) I enjoyed fiercely in fifth grade (or so), but no longer care for. A few others I know I loved when I read them, but I can't really remember them (Adam of the Road, Maniac Magee). A few of the remaining seven I only read recently (The Hero and the Crown, The Tale of Despereaux, The Bronze Bow), but the rest I have loved fiercely since before I hit puberty (A Wrinkle in Time, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The Giver, Sarah, Plain and Tall--this one I've loved since the first grade, as Mrs. Stroker was obsessed with it).
I would also just like to add how much it burns me that pretty much every book in the Little House series is a Newbery Honor book, but Laura Ingalls Wilder never won the big award. Pretty much every year one of her books was an honor book, it was better than the winner. Since I've read all the books in question, I can say that. Fortunately, Mrs. Wilder earned herself her own damn award for children's literature, so I guess she came out all right in the end.
Nerdily enough, there are also a few more honor books that I loved fiercely more than the winner: Rascal by Sterling North and A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle are up at the top of that list.
Here's an awesome thing: E.L. Konigsburg, one of the few double-Newbery authors, not only is a double-Newbery author, but the year From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler won, another of her books was an honor book. Unfortunately, the book in question, Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth is not that good. (Of course I read it--I don't call myself a book nerd for nothin'.) Also, I think all of the double-Newberys are women (Katherine Paterson, E.L. Konigsburg, and Lois Lowry are the ones I know off the top of my head).
A few of these books, these so-called winners, I hated just as fiercely as I loved A Wrinkle in Time. I know! It makes me weep, but seriously. No one ever needs to read the first winner, The Story of Mankind, or Smoky the Cowhorse, which I know I bitched about during the Great Newbery Summer of '05 in my livejournal. Summer of the Swans by Betsy Byars will forever be loathsome to me, but I can't say if it's because the book or the writing or what was bad. It has been irredeemably tainted by one hideous sixth-grade literature unit, in which I earned the wrath of Mrs. Chernoff by reading ahead and then having to do all ensuing "pick a partner! now pick someone you haven't worked with before!" activities that corresponded with each chapter with Rachel Baker, the only other literate person in sixth grade, apparently. (Just kidding, all you New Searles class of '96-ers. Rachel and I were just nerds. But you can suck it, Mrs. Chernoff.)
I have spoken of my irrational hatred of Bridge to Terabithia, but it made a cute movie--and it wasn't really all that bad of a book. I'm just a huge geek. But Katherine Paterson's other winner, Jacob Have I Loved, I loathed. I tried to read it before the GNS of '05, but I couldn't. It was only because I had a goal that I got through it. And guess which book was an honor book the year that crapola won? That's right. A Ring of Endless Light, which is pretty much the book I've read most in my life. I do not agree with the decision to give Katherine Paterson two Newberys and Madeleine L'Engle only one. Also, this is kind of where my desire to be a children's librarian came from--I want to be on the Newbery panel. Like, really badly. Badly enough to go back to school for two years? I don't know...
The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin I also hated, but I can't remember why. I had to read it for school, which may have had something to do with it. Why did that always have such an effect on me? I didn't stop hating books I had to read until college. And the only people who survived that anyway were Ernest Hemingway, Flannery O'Connor, William Faulkner, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Oh, and Shakespeare and Chaucer. Also, strangely enough, I didn't hate Middlemarch, though I do hate everything else Ms. Mary Ann Evans has ever written. (So I haven't read everything, but Adam Bede and Silas Marner sucked rocks, okay?) Oh! Ivanhoe was pretty awesome. And I guess The Great Gatsby wasn't as bad as I thought it was in eleventh grade.
Here's another thing: in 1953, Charlotte's Web was an honor book, and Secret of the Andes by Ann Nolan Clark won. Now, I read this book a mere two years ago, and I have no idea what it's about--and I have a feeling no one else has ever heard of it (except, of course, children's librarians). Clearly, that was a mistake, as Charlotte's Web, though not one of my faves, has proven to be a classic.
I found this occurrence rather odd: Twice, the Newbery was given to a book in the middle of a series: The Grey King by Susan Cooper and The High King by Lloyd Alexander, which was the last book in the series. So naturally, during the GNS of '05, I read these books out of context. Sadly, neither of them was interesting enough to get me to read the rest of the series, though The Grey King was more compelling.
Okay, that's all. I had no idea all that was kicking around up in my head.
Adam of the Road by Elizabeth Janet Gray
Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg
Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Clearly
The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley
Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia McLachlan
Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli
Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
The Giver by Lois Lowry
The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo
A few (Johnny Tremain, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and Shiloh) I enjoyed fiercely in fifth grade (or so), but no longer care for. A few others I know I loved when I read them, but I can't really remember them (Adam of the Road, Maniac Magee). A few of the remaining seven I only read recently (The Hero and the Crown, The Tale of Despereaux, The Bronze Bow), but the rest I have loved fiercely since before I hit puberty (A Wrinkle in Time, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The Giver, Sarah, Plain and Tall--this one I've loved since the first grade, as Mrs. Stroker was obsessed with it).
I would also just like to add how much it burns me that pretty much every book in the Little House series is a Newbery Honor book, but Laura Ingalls Wilder never won the big award. Pretty much every year one of her books was an honor book, it was better than the winner. Since I've read all the books in question, I can say that. Fortunately, Mrs. Wilder earned herself her own damn award for children's literature, so I guess she came out all right in the end.
Nerdily enough, there are also a few more honor books that I loved fiercely more than the winner: Rascal by Sterling North and A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle are up at the top of that list.
Here's an awesome thing: E.L. Konigsburg, one of the few double-Newbery authors, not only is a double-Newbery author, but the year From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler won, another of her books was an honor book. Unfortunately, the book in question, Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth is not that good. (Of course I read it--I don't call myself a book nerd for nothin'.) Also, I think all of the double-Newberys are women (Katherine Paterson, E.L. Konigsburg, and Lois Lowry are the ones I know off the top of my head).
A few of these books, these so-called winners, I hated just as fiercely as I loved A Wrinkle in Time. I know! It makes me weep, but seriously. No one ever needs to read the first winner, The Story of Mankind, or Smoky the Cowhorse, which I know I bitched about during the Great Newbery Summer of '05 in my livejournal. Summer of the Swans by Betsy Byars will forever be loathsome to me, but I can't say if it's because the book or the writing or what was bad. It has been irredeemably tainted by one hideous sixth-grade literature unit, in which I earned the wrath of Mrs. Chernoff by reading ahead and then having to do all ensuing "pick a partner! now pick someone you haven't worked with before!" activities that corresponded with each chapter with Rachel Baker, the only other literate person in sixth grade, apparently. (Just kidding, all you New Searles class of '96-ers. Rachel and I were just nerds. But you can suck it, Mrs. Chernoff.)
I have spoken of my irrational hatred of Bridge to Terabithia, but it made a cute movie--and it wasn't really all that bad of a book. I'm just a huge geek. But Katherine Paterson's other winner, Jacob Have I Loved, I loathed. I tried to read it before the GNS of '05, but I couldn't. It was only because I had a goal that I got through it. And guess which book was an honor book the year that crapola won? That's right. A Ring of Endless Light, which is pretty much the book I've read most in my life. I do not agree with the decision to give Katherine Paterson two Newberys and Madeleine L'Engle only one. Also, this is kind of where my desire to be a children's librarian came from--I want to be on the Newbery panel. Like, really badly. Badly enough to go back to school for two years? I don't know...
The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin I also hated, but I can't remember why. I had to read it for school, which may have had something to do with it. Why did that always have such an effect on me? I didn't stop hating books I had to read until college. And the only people who survived that anyway were Ernest Hemingway, Flannery O'Connor, William Faulkner, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Oh, and Shakespeare and Chaucer. Also, strangely enough, I didn't hate Middlemarch, though I do hate everything else Ms. Mary Ann Evans has ever written. (So I haven't read everything, but Adam Bede and Silas Marner sucked rocks, okay?) Oh! Ivanhoe was pretty awesome. And I guess The Great Gatsby wasn't as bad as I thought it was in eleventh grade.
Here's another thing: in 1953, Charlotte's Web was an honor book, and Secret of the Andes by Ann Nolan Clark won. Now, I read this book a mere two years ago, and I have no idea what it's about--and I have a feeling no one else has ever heard of it (except, of course, children's librarians). Clearly, that was a mistake, as Charlotte's Web, though not one of my faves, has proven to be a classic.
I found this occurrence rather odd: Twice, the Newbery was given to a book in the middle of a series: The Grey King by Susan Cooper and The High King by Lloyd Alexander, which was the last book in the series. So naturally, during the GNS of '05, I read these books out of context. Sadly, neither of them was interesting enough to get me to read the rest of the series, though The Grey King was more compelling.
Okay, that's all. I had no idea all that was kicking around up in my head.
July 3, 2007
July 2, 2007
Cry baby
I've mentioned this elsewhere on the internet, probably in my defunct livejournal, but few books have made me cry real tears. I think at that point there were two: one of which I cannot remember. Little Women? Well, whatever. At this point, there is one more, because the fact that Harry Potter does not have parents will never stop being sad for me, no matter how many times J.K. Rowling uses it to manipulate me. Anyway, no matter how choked up the scene with the ghosts of Voldemort's last few victims made me, the only novel that has ever made me weep was Where the Red Fern Grows. I can't really remember why, except that the end was sad, with the dogs getting caught in the hunting traps and dying (I think), because I've only read the book once, and I can't remember anything other than that it was about a boy raising a pair of some kind of hunting dog puppies, and then the dogs died in the end. But I can remember sitting on the junked-out blue recliner in our breezeway at our first house in New Hampshire, some summer, reading it and just bawling. The tears would not stop. I should read it again, just so I can know what the book is actually about, but I'm kind of afraid of it now.
Nothing in my entire life has made me cry that hard, except maybe the only fight I've ever had with my mother. I think it deserves a re-read.
Nothing in my entire life has made me cry that hard, except maybe the only fight I've ever had with my mother. I think it deserves a re-read.
It never ends, okay?
Here is another thing that's been bugging me for quite some time. Switching point of view in a song. Do you know what I mean? Like, a lot of songs are written in a kind of first/second person hybrid, where the singer directly addresses the lyrics to somebody else. Songs are also written about people, so that the singer uses the third person pronouns to refer to that person. Frequently, though, the singer will switch from either from the first/second to the third or vice versa, and it makes me insane.
So you know who does this a lot? Kelly m-f-in' Clarkson. Dammit, woman. Why do you have to make this hard for me?
Take "Never Again," her latest single, for example. Most of it is direct addressed to that guy who burned her. But there comes a part when she's singing about the girl he left her for when she switches, and her "you" becomes "he," and this bimbo now becomes "you." Maybe if I give you the lyrics you will be able to understand, because that explanation made no sense.
"If she really knows the truth,
she deserves you [the dude].
A trophy wife--oh, how cute
Ignorance is bliss.
But when your [the bimbo's] day comes
and he's [the dude] through with you [the bimbo]
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone."
Do you see? It's all convoluted. Like, who are you talking to? And why do you get to switch it in the middle of the song? It sounds like Kelly's man has left her for another man for a second until you realize that she's now singing to the bimbo. I don't like it.
So you know who does this a lot? Kelly m-f-in' Clarkson. Dammit, woman. Why do you have to make this hard for me?
Take "Never Again," her latest single, for example. Most of it is direct addressed to that guy who burned her. But there comes a part when she's singing about the girl he left her for when she switches, and her "you" becomes "he," and this bimbo now becomes "you." Maybe if I give you the lyrics you will be able to understand, because that explanation made no sense.
"If she really knows the truth,
she deserves you [the dude].
A trophy wife--oh, how cute
Ignorance is bliss.
But when your [the bimbo's] day comes
and he's [the dude] through with you [the bimbo]
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone."
Do you see? It's all convoluted. Like, who are you talking to? And why do you get to switch it in the middle of the song? It sounds like Kelly's man has left her for another man for a second until you realize that she's now singing to the bimbo. I don't like it.
I is the subject pronoun; me is the object
Okay, so despite all my raving, I have two things to complain about concering Kelly's album. Since it's me (and since it's Kelly, who can do no other wrong), these things are grammatical. Number one, in the song "Don't Waste Your Time," she has written a line "...replaying memories in my head of you and I." Number two, in the song "Be Still," she has written a line "Here's my hand and my heart--it's yours to take."
Here's the only bad thing about her having written this thing herself: I have no one to blame but her for the preceding grammatical atrocities. And it pains me to have to do this, but even for Kelly, I cannot overlook these things. I even tried! And I really love "Be Still." But it still bugs the bajeesus out of me. However, I still love Kelly--always and forever.
Here's the only bad thing about her having written this thing herself: I have no one to blame but her for the preceding grammatical atrocities. And it pains me to have to do this, but even for Kelly, I cannot overlook these things. I even tried! And I really love "Be Still." But it still bugs the bajeesus out of me. However, I still love Kelly--always and forever.
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