Self-censorship

This is the rough draft of an email I wrote to my college pals. Recently, some genius decided it would be a good idea to send out monthly emails, just so we could all be kept in the loop of each others' lives. I liked the idea in theory, but loathe thinking of something worthy to write about myself in an email I am pretty sure the recipients are actually going to read. It's quite easy to fill this blog with all kinds of self-absorbed nonsense, because I do it mostly for me, and it seems to entertain the 2-3 other people who actually read it. However, if they don't like it, I don't have to care, because I am not writing it for them! Nyer!

Anyway, here:

Hey ho bags,

As 'tis the twelfth day of November, I figured I'd do what I should and send out a mass email. I wish I had anything to tell you people, but the only things I have to talk about are boring or better saved for one on one conversations. I imagine Seth has no desire to hear about lesbian sex. And neither does Sarah for that matter, but she may not have a choice!

I may have set out to be as inappropriate as possible in this brief email. Hope you enjoyed it.

I also hope you all are well, and though I may not have much to say about myself, I quite like hearing about you.

Emily

Here is what I decided to ultimately send instead:

Hey people,

Since twelve is my day, I figured I'd do what I should and send out a mass email. I wish I had anything to tell you people, but the only things I have to talk about are too boring to be worth it (work) or better saved for one on one conversations (girls, how angry I am about the passing of Proposition Eight in California and similar measures in Arizona and Florida). In fact, the only exciting thing to happen to me in a long, long while is that I won a Dr Pepper hat by checking the code under the bottle cap of my eight billionth bottle of diet Dr Pepper. I can expect the hat in 10-12 weeks, and you best believe I will wear the shit out of that thing.

I hope you all are well, and though I may not have much to say about myself, I quite like hearing about you.

Emily

Ultimately, I think the boring Dr Pepper hat story was a better choice than the brief mention of lesbian sex for my largely conservative, Catholic group of friends.

Why does a heathen like me have conservative, Catholic friends, you ask? I have no idea. But I love them. And I have a fellow heathen in the group, so we get by.