Therapy

Right now, I'm in the middle of rereading all the Madeleine L'Engle novels I own, which is almost all of them, I think, and I am having such trouble getting through A House Like a Lotus.

I haven't reread it since before I came to the full realization that I was a giant dyke, and it might be because of the thing that happens to Polly at the end of the book (but toward the beginning of the chronology of the story).

I was almost going to go into a long explanation, but let's just cut to the chase. Basically, Polly gets sexually assaulted by her mentor, a wealthy, sophisticated lesbian named Max. Now, Max is painfully dying of cancer (or some other wasting disease--I forget, and I can't bring myself to look it up right now), and she's out of her mind with pain when she attacks Polly, and Polly escapes into the arms of Max's partner, Ursula, but still. The predatory lesbian thing. It just...

I feel like Madeleine L'Engle has betrayed me. When I read the book for the very first time, I was too young and naive to even really grasp what Max had done. By the time I did, I wasn't really out to myself, and now...

I don't want to read my literary idol, my never-fail source of comfort, telling a story of the predatory lesbian, no matter what Max's excuse for her behavior might be. It hurts it hurts it hurts.

This all may seem melodramatic to you, but Madeleine L'Engle has had an enormous influence on me as a human being, and books in general can affect me much more deeply than anything else in the world can, and I just can't bear this kind of story coming from her--when she has no other positive homosexual stories to balance it out.

I almost feel like Polly does, unable to stand the thought of Max, even though she's brought so much good into her life and meant so much to her.

It hurts it hurts it hurts.

Long one

Days ago, I said something about following up with my thoughts on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I have finally found the motivation to do it. Spoilers abound, because there was a lot of shit from the book left out.

First, let's talk about how I like it when they leave shit from the book out. For example, that whole thing with Tonks and Lupin is so gross, and Tonks spends the book being so pathetic, and ugh. They're still in the movie; they're together in the movie--I imagine because they're two of the three big deaths at the end--but it's not gross. And it's not a bleeding waste of time.

The only important bit of information we pick up from this whole werewolf romance shit is that a person's Patronus can change its shape. This becomes important in relation to Snape some hundreds of pages into the last book. I don't know if they'll, like, make that explicit in the movie, but the shape of Snape's Patronus is the reason Dumbledore trusted him.

As much as I lament the lack of older Weasley brothers in the movies, it is a relief that the whole weirdness with adding Fleur to the family is dropped completely. So is Percy's feud with the family--he was in the last movie, with the Minister, but no one ever talks about it. That's fine by me.

The Ministry of Magic is completely absent from the movie, which I found to be odd, if only because it becomes very important in the next book who is controlling the Ministry. I guess we don't really need to worry about that until the Ministry is in the hands of the Death Eaters, but still, there's this whole back and forth with the Ministry and Harry--now that they believe him, they want him to be their poster boy, and Harry's like, "Fuck you, dillweeds."

The trouble with making these books into movies is that there is so much information packed into the books, readers expect to see at least most of it presented in the movie. We learn so much about Tom Riddle in the book that is nowhere in the movie. What infuriated me most about the movie was its treatment of horcruxes. We get the explanation of what they are from Slughorn's memory, finally, and then Harry's like, "Ack! They could be anything!"

And Dumbledore actually says, "They could be common household objects," or something close to that, and I was like, "No! That was the whole point of your 'lessons' with Harry! To understand the way Voldemort thinks--to know that he would use trophies as horcruxes! Something from each of the Hogwarts founders, for example!" Blarg.

The way the movie ends, Harry has no idea where to find another horcrux. The way the book ends, he knows he is after Voldemort's snake, Helga Hufflepuff's goblet, and something owned by Rowena Ravenclaw or possibly Godric Gryffindor. The diary and the Peverell family crest ring have been destroyed, and Salazar Slytherin's locket is missing, possibly destroyed already. Three known horcruxes/three guessed horcruxes.

One thing I noticed in re-reading the book (spoiler!) is that Harry actually runs into Ravenclaw's diadem when he's hiding the Prince's book in the Room of Requirement. He puts a tiara on a bust of someone near his hiding spot so he can find it again. If only he'd known what it was, eh?

Anyway. One of the things I never really understand is why, when a movie leaves so much of a book out, it finds time to add things in. There is this truly bizarre scene in the middle of the movie where Bellatrix Lestrange just apparates right up to the Burrow, with two other Death Eaters, and sets it on fire. Like, what? The best I can come up with is that it was the movie's way of showing us how deep we are in the shit at this point. Throughout the book, we get news of Hogwarts students' family members being killed, and all the Ministry stuff and the emptiness of Diagon Alley and all that are a pretty good indication, but the movie uses the destruction of the Burrow, I think, to show us that no one is safe anymore. Nothing will ever be the same now.

Something else I find weird is how Lavender and Parvati have only shown up in the movies in relation to the boys. Parvati and Padma have to be in the fourth movie, because they're Ron and Harry's dates to the Yule Ball, and Parvati gets to face the boggart in the third movie, and Neville tell the boys he heard Parvati saying Hermione was bawling in the ladies' in the first movie, but we never even hear of Lavender until this movie, where she must appear because Ron starts going with her and making Hermione jealous. But now Parvati's missing. The books treat them as a pair, basically, so it feels lacking to have one without the other. At one point in the book, Harry and Parvati even briefly--and mostly non-verbally--commiserate over the madness their best friends are entangled in, which I thought was a nice touch.

Now I'm just over-nit-picking, so I guess I'll call it a day. On the whole, I enjoyed this movie a lot, but there's always so much trouble when you try to squash a giant book into 2 and a half hours. That's why I feel like the Narnia movies are such successful adapations--they took something small and expanded it into something wondrous. Anyway. When's the first part of the final installment come out, again?

Selfish post

There are a number of internet t-shirts I want, like, right now. But I cannot buy them.

from Threadless
from Glarkware
Anyone rich? I take guys size large.

I've been updating

Only I've been doing it here.

I think blogspot and I are breaking up.

Justice Moreno gets it

Justice Carlos Moreno was the only member of the Supreme Court of California to stand up for us, and this is the best part of his dissenting opinion:

"There is no 'underlying' principle more basic to our Constitution than that the equal protection clause protects the fundamental rights of minorities from the will of the majority."

That does not apply only to the Constitution of the State of California, either. This is why we have constitutions; this is why we have a representative republic, not a pure democracy, because sometimes the majority will get carried away, and the minority needs someone to protect its rights.

Thank you, Justice Moreno, for understanding that.

Eh, I almost deleted this

Do you know what I was thinking about earlier? Snow White and how the Wicked Queen had the worst motivation ever. She was jealous of her step-daughter's physical beauty, so she tried to kill her. What?

Cinderella's step-mother wanted her dead husband's money. Maleficent had some grudge against the king. Ursula wanted to rule Atlantica.

The Wicked Queen didn't want anyone to be prettier than her. WHAT THE FUCK?

Thus concludes this issue of bitching about things I love*.

*I hate Snow White, though. But I love Disney.

Another installment of Emily hates religion

I still can't reconcile my unabashed adoration for everything Madeleine L'Engle has ever written with my utter disdain for religion, especially Christianity. I think especially Christianity because it's the major world religion with which I'm most familiar, but also because it centers on some dude coming back from the dead. And also because it insists that it is the one true religion, which is a characteristic it shares with Islam, I believe. Judaism is the only one of those three not interested in converting anyone, and that is why I love the Jews the best. Even though plenty of Jews can be just as retarded about things like homosexuality and feminism as Christians and Muslims, at least they're not trying to make the whole world Jewish.

Why I love Futurama

Recruitment officer: Sign here on the dotted line, patriots, and I'll give you your discount cards.
Fry: Just outta curiosity, we can use the cards to buy gum, then immediately quit the army, right?
Bender: You know, playin' you all for chumps?
Recruitment officer: Correct. There's no obligation.
[Fry and Bender sign.]
Recruitment officer: Unless, of course, war were declared.
[Siren]
Fry: What's that?
Recruitment officer: War were declared.If that didn't make you laugh like a donkey, I'm just gonna tell myself it's because you haven't seen it.

Weekly mix tape 16

I haven't done one of these in many weeks, so I thought I would showcase my playlist-creating brilliance here. Also, I make digital copies of these things for cute girls or people who ask nicely. (Let me pretend anyone still reads this, dammit.)

1. That's How You Know - Amy Adams
2. Never Had Nobody Like You - M. Ward with Zooey Deschanel
3. Mahna Mahna - Cake
4. Modern Girls & Old Fashion Men - The Strokes & Regina Spektor
5. And Your Bird Can Sing - The Beatles
6. People Got a Lotta Nerve - Neko Case
7. Wantin' Her Again - Ben Kweller
8. My Name Is Jonas - Weezer
9. Taper Jean Girl - Kings of Leon
10. On a Plain - Nirvana
11. Creep - Radiohead
12. We Get On - Kate Nash
13. Add It Up - Guster
14. Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
15. Vibrate - Rufus Wainwright
16. Fuck Was I - Jenny Owen Youngs
17. If There Was No You - Brandi Carlile
18. I Am Trying to Break Your Heart - Wilco
19. Turn to Stone - Ingrid Michaelson
20. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
21. Explain It to Me - Liz Phair

"Gayer than a plaid rabbit"

So the first time I read Wicked, I was all "OMG, Glinda is totally gay for Elphaba," but I was pretty sure I was just projecting. I project gaiety everywhere. But then I read Wicked again.

And OMG, you guys, Glinda is totally gay for Elphaba. I don't know how I didn't register this fully the first time I read it, but check this:

The Witch in fact alarmed her a little. It was not just the novelty of seeing her again, but the strange charisma Elphaba possessed, which had always put Glinda in the shade. Also there was the thrill, basis indeterminable, which made Glinda shy, and caused her to rush her words, and to speak in a false high voice like an adolescent.

If that is not how one behaves around a girl one likes, then what the fuck else is it? Now this passage is from toward the end of the book, when the Wicked Witch of the West and the Good Witch of the North meet again after the Wicked Witch of the East has been squashed. Apparently, Glinda has always behaved like a doofus around Elphaba, but I hardly recall such a thing. Oh well.

I can't really tell Elphaba's feelings--she's obviously fond of Glinda--but I'm pretty sure the only person she had romantic feelings for was Fiyero. Unless this means what I was projecting it to mean:

[Glinda] could scarcely dredge up an ounce of recollection about that daring meeting with the Wizard. She could recall far more clearly how she and Elphie had shared a bed on the way to the Emerald City. How brave that had made her feel, and how vulnerable too.

Here, again, it's obvious Glinda has a massive crush on Elphaba, but does "shared a bed" have the euphemistic meaning? The only thing that makes me think so is that last part: "How brave that had made her feel, and how vulnerable too."

Oh, and then there was this one thing Nanny says to Elphaba later, "You were devoted to Glinda, you were. Everyone knew it." That's a little gay. No?

There's a lot of explicit gayness in the Wicked books, but it's almost exclusively dude-on-dude. Elphaba's pops, Crope and Tibbett, Liir. Glinda has that unrequited thing for Elphaba that she can barely even understand, and I really couldn't pick out any other lesbianish thing. And you know I'd be able to pick out all the lesbianish things.

That makes me sad.

While I'm here, my favorite thing Glinda ever did was speak to the Wizard for Elphaba, when she was all paralyzed in front of him. And then Elphaba deserted her, and I was sad. Again.

Live Free or Die

"House Republicans said the Senate version had important flaws. ... They said it will lead to lawsuits against non-clergy -- those with strong religious beliefs that prevent them from participating in any phase of a gay marriage, such as catering or photography.

Rep. Peter Bolster, R-Alton, said, 'This does not protect the Christian conference center, the church with a social hall, or its individual members who run limousine or photographic services who may conscientiously object to participating in a same-sex marriage.'" --from the Union Leader

That is the dumbest god damn thing I've ever heard. Any self-respecting gay couple would not engage the services of someone who was so opposed to their having equal rights. A caterer isn't obligated to serve anyone's damn wedding, for whatever reason he or she likes. Homophobia is a nasty reason, but hey. It's a free country. Right?

I mean, really. I would find a gay-friendly caterer. Or a gay caterer. Come on. There are plenty of actual gay people working in the industries that serve weddings. Even in barely-civilized New Hampshire! No one is going to make anyone take part in a gay wedding.

I can't take this anymore. My heart is going to explode from frustration, hope, and disappointment.

I've decided. Ella es la mujer más hermosa en el mundo.

There was this part in Grey's last night that I can't stop watching. And it's not even the part with Sara Ramirez covered only by a bed sheet. It's this brief part at the wedding, in the montage of guests while Alex and Izzie make out at the altar (like, seriously, making out), when Baskin Robbins bumps Callie's shoulder and smiles at her, and then Callie leans over and kisses her cheek. It is adorable. And has finally converted me on Baskin Robbins.
Look, I loved Erica Hahn probably more than any lesbian who watched primetime ABC television, and Brooke Smith and Sara Ramirez were so hot together, but their story was a fucking disaster. Callie made the first move and then spent every episode after that freaking out and being weird and dicking around until the very end when she would finally tell Erica what her damn deal was, and then Erica would fix it. Because she is awesome. I had hopes that Callie would eventually get past the awkward part, and she and Hahn would be able to be cute like she and Baskin Robbins get to be, and from that interview with Shonda Rhimes from AfterEllen, I'm pretty sure the whole storyline with Callie's crazy dad was conceived with Hahn in mind as Callie's partner, so I swear they just subsituted (an allegedly) prettier, (inarguably) younger actress for Brooke Smith, and that's why I was mad.

But I can't hang onto principles when Sara Ramirez is kissing pretty ladies and getting naked on the tv. I just can't.Okay, but now I need to talk about this. I get that Callie is upset because she has no money to go on nice dates with her girlfriend, but hello, why didn't she fucking tell her girlfriend before being dragged out to apparently the most expensive place in Seattle? They're dating. Baskin Robbins is sweet. She will understand. Which she did. She understood. And I know Callie's proud; she doesn't want to cry about her money problems, but Jesus. Be smarter than going to out to a fancy place just because your girlfriend wants to when you can't pay. No one who matters is going to think any less of you.

Especially because Baskin Robbins is, like, the reason you have no money. I know it's her father's fault, but he never would have cut her off if she hadn't started dating a lady. And Callie could have easily said fuck this and chosen her family and her money over this girl. She didn't. And Arizona already knew that! So why did she even take Callie out to a fancy restaurant in the first place? She was there when Callie told Cristina she couldn't afford the rent!

And what is Callie's issue with communicating? She can't do it unless she comes face to face with losing the girl. She played that game with Hahn, like, eleventy times.

Also, also, as far as we know, Cristina is not an heiress. She's even a few years behind Callie in her surgical residency. How can she afford half their rent, but Callie can't? Hmm?

This fucking show. It wasn't just because of Brooke Smith that I stopped watching...