Day old blues

Man, the more I hear that song "Use Somebody," the more it bothers me. I mean, I didn't even know until, like, a month ago that that song was from Kings of Leon. I thought it was some whiny bastards who wanted to be The Fray.

Stop. Let's wrap our minds around this. I thought Kings of Leon were the poor man's The Fray for almost the entire summer.

WHAT?

I saw them live one time, and they were opening for Ben Kweller at Axis (fuckin' Axis), and like most of the cool music I like, they were given to me by Jess Bannon, and we were in college at the time, neither of us with cars, and we still found our way to Boston to see Kings of Leon and Ben Kweller, and I remember Ben Kweller seemed to think they were the coolest band ever, and he played a cover of "Molly's Chambers" in his own set, and damn, that was an excellent show.

And now they are the poor man's The Fray. And I am sad.

Eh, I almost deleted this

Do you know what I was thinking about earlier? Snow White and how the Wicked Queen had the worst motivation ever. She was jealous of her step-daughter's physical beauty, so she tried to kill her. What?

Cinderella's step-mother wanted her dead husband's money. Maleficent had some grudge against the king. Ursula wanted to rule Atlantica.

The Wicked Queen didn't want anyone to be prettier than her. WHAT THE FUCK?

Thus concludes this issue of bitching about things I love*.

*I hate Snow White, though. But I love Disney.

Another installment of Emily hates religion

I still can't reconcile my unabashed adoration for everything Madeleine L'Engle has ever written with my utter disdain for religion, especially Christianity. I think especially Christianity because it's the major world religion with which I'm most familiar, but also because it centers on some dude coming back from the dead. And also because it insists that it is the one true religion, which is a characteristic it shares with Islam, I believe. Judaism is the only one of those three not interested in converting anyone, and that is why I love the Jews the best. Even though plenty of Jews can be just as retarded about things like homosexuality and feminism as Christians and Muslims, at least they're not trying to make the whole world Jewish.

Live Free or Die

"House Republicans said the Senate version had important flaws. ... They said it will lead to lawsuits against non-clergy -- those with strong religious beliefs that prevent them from participating in any phase of a gay marriage, such as catering or photography.

Rep. Peter Bolster, R-Alton, said, 'This does not protect the Christian conference center, the church with a social hall, or its individual members who run limousine or photographic services who may conscientiously object to participating in a same-sex marriage.'" --from the Union Leader

That is the dumbest god damn thing I've ever heard. Any self-respecting gay couple would not engage the services of someone who was so opposed to their having equal rights. A caterer isn't obligated to serve anyone's damn wedding, for whatever reason he or she likes. Homophobia is a nasty reason, but hey. It's a free country. Right?

I mean, really. I would find a gay-friendly caterer. Or a gay caterer. Come on. There are plenty of actual gay people working in the industries that serve weddings. Even in barely-civilized New Hampshire! No one is going to make anyone take part in a gay wedding.

I can't take this anymore. My heart is going to explode from frustration, hope, and disappointment.

Oh the things that set me off

Last night I was watching Veronica Mars with Allison, and some rando on there said, "Frak!" and then had to explain to Veronica and whomever else that frak is from Battlestar Galactica and is "the swear of the future," and I got all het up and said, "Actually, it's the swear of the past!" foamed at the mouth, and fell into the hole between my bed and the wall. As I disobeyed Allison's advice not to get mad.

I am still mad. So mad I haven't even illegally downloaded Caprica, because Netflix says there's a very long wait for it. Eff you, Caprica, with your creepy Eric Stoltz.

ETA: I'm so glad I didn't let Ryan ruin Veronica Mars for me. He tried, but by that point in our relationship, I was really good at only pretending to listen to him.

I know I've already said this before

For some reason, the line "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" is, like, the most famous line from Romeo and Juliet. I guess cuz it's from the balcony scene, and that's the most famous scene? And I'm sure we're all familiar with various modern allusions to it, in which people always seem to be looking for someone when they say that. But let me show you something. The line is:

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

NOT

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Do you see what I did there? Fucking everyone, when they say "wherefore art thou," uses it as a direct address. But it's not. Juliet is bemoaning the fact that she and Romeo are children of feuding houses--"wherefore art thou Romeo" means, "Why the fuck is your name Romeo Montague, you unfortunate son of a bitch? If it weren't we could be together!" Roughly.

Yes, he's spying on her while she says this, but she's not looking for him. She's moping. Here's the whole thing she says:

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name!
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

She might as well be saying, "Wherefore am I Juliet?" But that's not very poetic, is it?

Even aside from all of this, I just don't understand how you would see this word, wherefore, and just assume it's, what, like some archaic version of where. Use your brains.

Shortest fuse

My 10 favorite Kelly Clarkson songs:
10. Beautiful Disaster
9. Long Shot
8. I Do Not Hook Up
7. Don't Waste Your Time
6. Maybe
5. Be Still
4. Chivas
3. Since U Been Gone
2. I Want You
1. Addicted

My favorite song she's ever sung, ever, though? The minute and a half of "Stuff Like That There" on her season of Idol. Still gives me shivers.

I don't even watch Idol anymore, but I read the Television Without Pity recaps, because Jacob Clifton writes them, and I think he is a recapping genius. The first thing I read of his was a Mondo Extra recap of the disastrous movie version of A Wrinkle in Time, and I've been in love ever since. So I am aware of what's going down on Idol, but actually dealing with it, with Ryan and Paula and the guy with the dead wife and the blind kid? I don't have the energy.

However, I do occasionally think about how fucking huge the show has gotten compared to the ghetto-tastic first season, where they auditioned for the top ten with only one plinky piano to back them up, and where they only had live musicians for the top six performance show. And I daydream sometimes about what it would have been like to hear and watch Kelly and, like, Tamyra Gray interact with a live band. I mean, the big band episode was the pinnacle of that season, and for the rest of the episodes, the contestants had to sing with canned music and backup vocals, which was the fucking worst.

Around season three, people started saying, "No fucking way Kelly Clarkson would have even made the top 36 this year," which infuriated me, because Kelly Clarkson is the best contestant the show has ever had and certainly the most successful winner, but now I wonder if those idiots may have been right, because she barely made the top 30 in her own season, when far fewer people even auditioned, because the judges were too dumb to pick up on her talent until America noticed her for them. Good work, America.

I don't know, I think the show has tried to get more interesting after the disaster that was Taylor Hicks, ostensibly giving the contestants more creative control over the songs they perform, but I just haven't seen anyone with Kelly Clarkson's talent, showmanship, and broad appeal. Which is really what this dumb show is about--broad appeal.

Also, I actually watched an episode on Tuesday, and it was awful. The judges are even worse than I remember--even Simon was not impressing me. Paula was a fuckin' hot mess, but not even in the fun way anymore. I mean, I like knowing what's going on, but I just cannot watch this disasterpiece theater. Give me some more stuff like that there.

Cranky

Instead of Hera being, like, I don't know, the first us, she should have been the symbol of learning to live with the robots, instead of depending on them and growing complacent and having it all blow up in our faces. That way, when they start over again on the place where humanity first frakked up big time, all this will not happen again.

Having the Fleet populate this planet is still the dumbest god damn thing I've ever heard.

Hate
Hate
HATE.

I'd have joined your mutiny, Felix, if I'd known this is what it was coming to.

Frak Earth

I could frakkin' let loose about my extreme disappointment with the finale of Battlestar Galactica, but I really want to just say this:

From the beginning, I'd been hoping and hoping and hoping that this wouldn't be how it ended. That they wouldn't find our Earth and basically be the first humans there. Because that is the dumbest god damn thing I've ever heard. When they got to Earth at the end of the first half of the last season, and it was all bombed out, I was like, "Oh! Yay!" But then they were like, "All these remains are Cylons," and I was like, "Whuh? That's not Earth, then, huh?"

And then they ended up here, on Africa, and they just... Ugh! Aside from being cheesy and stupid, it doesn't make any anthropological sense, but I don't even know enough about anthropology to tell you why, so I'll just skip that.

What I wanted to happen, ever since we found out Earth wasn't this planet we're living on, was that they would eventually find this ball of rock, and they would find the ruins of humanity's first try at civilization. And it would be enough thousands of years for the planet to be recovering from whatever kind of bombs and crap would have destroyed humanity in the first place. They could find humanity's real origins, not some place called Kobol where the Earthlings would have gone to start over and forget the disaster of Earth ever happened.

Instead they landed here before anything got going, and the whole series turned into a warning for us, the latest modern incarnation of humanity, not to frak too much with technology, because the robots will turn on you and blow your entire world to pieces.

In retrospect, "All this has happened before, and all this will happen again," is fucking depressing. I mean, it has been demonstrated that humanity is slow to learn from its mistakes, but the way the fleet decided to settle on Earth meant that they didn't even want to try. Because, you know, we modern-day Earthlings are entirely unaware of this civilization that went before us, so everything those 38,000 people may have learned was lost--literally hurled into the frakking sun.

And then there's all the things that came from this Earth that have appeared throughout the series. We'll ignore the most obvious, "All Along the Watchtower," and the Greek gods and the zodiac for now. What I want to talk about is the words--the words that Baltar and Roslin and Sam used that came from English writers. Baltar and Roslin both quoted Shakespeare. When Sam was all brain-broken, he babbled words from Milton, from Paradise Lost. Now. The way I was hoping things had happened, that literature had made it from Earth to Kobol to the Colonies, maybe in tattered form and not well-documented or something, but still, it had been written before, and it had been able to last through the years, because it was that pervasive throughout human civilization. Shakespeare, especially, has that gift.

But the way it seems to have happened now, after the finale, is that artists are just being divinely inspired to say the same things over and over again. Sam, Kara's dad, and Bob Dylan all wrote the same song. Sam and John Milton have the same exact words to say about existence and God and whatever.

The Shakespeare stuff, I guess I could overlook, because he is so pervasive it might be the writers didn't even realize they were quoting, but "shuffle off this mortal coil"? That just occurred to Gaius Baltar the way it occurred to William Shakespeare?

You know me. I think divine inspiration is absolute bullshit. So this is what bugs more than anything else. That there's no explanation for why Sam knows the words to Paradise Lost or why Laura Roslin would use the specific phrase "pound of flesh" in some kind of political situation. Damn, I can't remember why she used that--it was way back in the first season, I think--but I jumped on it right away as being the entire point of the play The Merchant of Venice. And since Roslin was using it metaphorically--you know, no one was asking for a literal pound of flesh, like in the play--where did she get it from???

Argh. I don't even care anymore about the lame thing they did with Starbuck: angel, demon, messiah, whatever the fuck. The language thing is such an issue. Like, the fleet arrived before homo sapiens sapiens even developed, because the people on the planet didn't even have language, and all the foreign humans spoke the same language, and yet, all these bazillions of different languages developed? And went through various stages of development? I'm sure no one on the staff thought about that, but oh my god, it is bugging the shit out of me.

And then the Greek gods, who have the same names as the Lords of Kobol. Did the Geminese (they were the fanatic planet, right?) end up in the Mediterranean and immediately establish their religion? I don't understand. It makes so much more sense to me if the humans who got to Kobol set up a new religion, a new civilization with the alleged best pieces of all the old ones from Earth, and over the years the story of how civilization on Kobol all started got lost, because I don't know, maybe it's because of the limited scope of the story, but it seems to me that all the people from the colonies speak the exact same language and have the exact same history/religion, and each colony has a variant take on aspects of this culture, but they have the same core. That seems to me more like what would happen after humanity's first collapse--they'd rebuild with bits and pieces of what they knew before. But here, on this Earth, a whole bunch of different cultures and religions and histories and languages developed, basically independently of each other. They all share certain similarities, certain myth patterns, because there are certainly shared aspects of humanity, but they're not similar enough to have the same core story as their base.

It was the easy way to go: to have the Kobol as the birthplace of humanity story be literal and to have the fleet be the first human inhabitants of Earth. They should have turned that story around, explored what Kobol meant, but I guess they didn't want to do another season, so they came up with this predictable-ass ending. Science fiction television has been doing this preachy "don't fuck with robots" ending over and over and over again. And that was what I liked most about Battlestar Galactica: it went beyond standard sci-fi tropes, like Ray Bradbury can do, like I thought the first season of Roswell did, and it was about the people, not about some message. But it ended up in a cliche sci-fi place: technology is fucking dangerous. The end. I mean, that was the actual end: fake Six and Baltar arguing about whether or not humanity would repeat its doomed relationship with technology.

And so I hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it.

Venting my digital spleen

There are some things I would like to know about Front Row, which I almost want to marry, but I can't quite make the commitment because it has some serious flaws.

On the real, I would really like to know where it's grabbing the files--does it go through iTunes at all, or does it just take the folders and files in the Music and Movies folders and vomit them onto its interface? I mean, it would seem to bypass parts of the iTunes library, because no matter what I do, I can't get Front Row to look like my iTunes library, particularly in the area of television shows.

So I get that Apple thought it was a brilliant idea to list the episodes of each show in reverse order, keeping the most recent on top for easy viewing after iTunes has downloaded the latest episode of the show. Fine. And I know there are dicey legal issues about ripping DVDs, even for personal use, so they just ignored that and organized based on episodes bought from the iTunes store, but come on. Plenty of OCD nerds want the episodes displayed in the correct order. So why can't Apple create user preferences for Front Row, so it displays content the way you, the OCD nerd, would prefer? Doesn't Apple understand about OCD nerds?!

Basically, my real problem is that Front Row will not display seasons of television shows in the proper order. Some of them are listed 1,2,3, etc. Some are listed 4,3,2,1 (for example). And some are listed ridiculously 7,6,1,2,3,4,5 (Gilmore Girls) or 11,5,10,6,4,3,2,1 (South Park). Friday Night Lights goes 2,3,1, and Grey's Anatomy goes 3,2,1,4. How does this happen??? I've tried organizing the files into folders named by season, and that worked on Popular and Xena, but that's it. So what is the deal? I feel like I should tell Apple that this is a big problem, but would they even listen? And then do I want to get into the fact that I've ripped hundreds of DVDs onto an external hard drive so I can watch them on my iMac because, maybe you missed this, but I am a(n OCD) nerd?

Really, I would just like to know how Front Row works, because this is driving me bananas. Also, why can't you play video playlists in Front Row? Come on, Apple. This interface could be totally awesome, and yet it's stuck at almost awesome but simultaneously fucking frustrating. Let's develop this, please. I give you the input; your OCD nerd engineers write the updates. This could be a beautiful partnership. And then you could give me a free Apple TV as thanks for my invaluable insight.

It shall be told another time! (I hope.)

So, according to the internet, a remake of The Neverending Story is in the works, and really, I am super excited to see how that develops, but also super wary, because the original movie was such a mess.

Anyway, here's what I said a year and a half ago, after I read the book for the first time:

I really wish someone would make this a movie again, like Lord of the Rings style, because it could make a really great film. They could do it in two parts, you know, ending the first one right after Bastian finally saves Fantastica and beginning with his adventures in the forest/desert. But I doubt that Michael Ende's estate will ever let that happen--or that anyone would even want it to happen except for me.

Apparently, I was mostly right about that last thing. The place I found this information was full of maroons bemoaning the fact that this movie was being remade, because it's a childhood classic for them or whatever. And, listen, I understand hanging onto things you loved when you were a kid, but people: The Neverending Story was not a good movie. The plot was a mess; the acting was horrible; the sets were hideous, and it left out all the most interesting parts of the book.

As far as I'm concerned, the remake has nothing but potential. It can tell the story Michael Ende told; it can cast some decent child actors; it can make Fantastica a real place, like they were able to do with Middle Earth and Narnia. They can even make Atreyu green! But there's always a giant suckhole for error when making a movie based upon a novel, and since the first attempt was a fucking failure (I'm sorry--I know I am the only person in America (maybe even literally) who holds this opinion), the second attempt could quite possibly also be a disaster.

But oh man. Please, please, please, I would love to see Fantastica Middle-Earth- and Narnia-style.

Sometimes I am close-minded

There are several vehicles in my apartment complex with this bumper sticker that says, "Nashua belongs to Jesus Christ." Actually, it's "NASHUA BELONGS TO JESUS CHRIST," so I always feel like they're yelling at me. I've seen these fucking bumper stickers before, but now I have to see them when I go home, and they're making me madder than usual. Often, I just laugh and say, "Please, like Jesus wants Nashua," but seriously. It's so obnoxious. Who gave Nashua to Jesus? How many non-Christians are there in this city? I don't know, but there are plenty! There's even a synagogue in Nashua!

Fuck, people. Keep your outdated beliefs to yourself already. Jesus is unable to take possession of an entire town. Why? Because he is dead. And he's not coming back. You know who else is supposed to come back at a time of great crisis? King Arthur. How many people really believe that's going to happen? It's exactly as likely as this Jesus fellow coming back to claim pitiful cities in southern New Hampshire as his own.

Amen.

A forest grew

Okay. I need to talk about this. Last night, Mike IMed me to tell me that a live-action, feature-length film of Where the Wild Things Are is in production, and he said something like, "This might be pretty cool if they don't eff it up."

Let me tell you, people, Where the Wild Things Are is one of my very favorite books, children's literature or otherwise, and the point of it is its illustrations and its very simple story. Seriously, the book contains about ten full sentences. So I said, "How could they not eff it up?" I immediately figured it would be just like when Jim Carrey and co. shit all over How the Grinch Stole Christmas, bloating the hell out of it so that it would fill up an hour and twenty minutes.

But then I looked at the people involved in this film, and I became utterly conflicted. For one thing, Maurice Sendak is credited as a producer, so he must be involved somehow or other. Then, Spike Jonze is directing, and he co-wrote the screenplay with Dave Eggers. Dave Eggers! That bastard knows how to tell a story. And then! The thing that got me almost on board with this mess: Catherine Keener and Catherine O'Hara are appearing in this movie. Well, Catherine O'Hara is doing a voice, presumably for a wild thing, and Catherine Keener is credited as Connie, who is maybe Max's mother? I don't know. Either way. Catherine Keener and Catherine O'Hara. Also, Lauren Ambrose and James Gandolfini. What?

There are some good people attached to this film, but then the article said that they'd had to do a bunch of reshoots because test audiences of small children were fleeing the theater in terror, which sounds like a pretty good adaptation of this book to me. I mean, these are some pretty fierce monsters, rolling their terrible eyes and gnashing their terrible teeth until Max tames them with a magic trick. They're scary beasts, but as a kid you're never actually afraid because Max, in his wolf suit, is fearless and totally in control of the wild things. He even sends them to bed without their supper! So it would be interesting if the monsters were actually scary in the film. But obviously, the people making this movie want the small children to like it.

Also, how are they going to render the wild things? They can't CGI Sendak's illustrations. I guess I'm more intrigued than irritated by the idea of a live-action rendering of such perfect illustrations, so that's good. For now.

I don't know what to think. I guess I'll have to wait till October and see for myself.

She got the hose again

So what do I say about the whole Brooke Smith debacle? I really can't figure out what the crap ABC was thinking. Basically, it is a little too coincidental that the news of her firing comes out days after her character realized she was "totally gay." Come on. How can you not expect us to draw that conclusion?

Dr. Hahn was one of the best characters on that show; she was a fantastic surgeon who took no shit from anyone, sometimes to her own detriment. But then she made a friend, and through that friendship we got to see the human side of Hahn. Maybe Hahn got to see the human side of Hahn, too. And then she had the gay revelation, and that whole speech about how falling in love with Callie was like when she got glasses for the first time was the single sweetest thing I have ever seen on television (However! Why have we never seen Hahn in glasses? WHY???). And Brooke Smith acted the hell out of it. I don't think anyone is saying that Brooke Smith's acting is the problem. And she certainly didn't cause strife on the set, like the fool she replaced.

So there are two options here. ABC told Shonda Rhimes to can her because Erica suddenly got too explicitly gay without any negative consequences, or ABC told Shonda Rhimes to can her because she's not conventionally attractive.

Both of which are absolute bullshit. Brooke Smith, while not everyone's cup of tea, is lovely, okay? And especially when she does Hahn's sweet smiles. The way she looked at Sara Ramirez while Hahn was falling for Callie was adorable. I watched that scene where she watches Callie in the elevator, like, twelve times. I don't... Ack.

And, oh, Shonda Rhimes's statement that of course they didn't get rid of Brooke because her character is a lesbian, and they still have a lesbian on the show is even more bullshit. Callie JUST realized she was bisexual in the last episode that aired. That is not the same thing as being a lesbian! What a load.

A few people have suggested that Brooke deserves an Emmy for the leaves speech, and I sure do agree. What're the chances she'll submit it for consideration? Not that those aged fools on the Emmy-giving committee would ever award her one, but still. She should stand up and submit it, because it was some damn fine acting, and it may have made my eyes wet. And I don't know what happened to Callie this season, but the reason I stayed invested in their relationship was because of Hahn. I've never been able to identify with a character more in my entire life. And now ABC refuses to let characters that bear any similarity to me on television. That's like a kick in the gut. I am not worthy to be represented in the entertainment world.

Needless to say, I am not watching Grey's Anatomy ever again, and thank GOD I didn't buy the season pass on iTunes yet.

I am at my wits' end with this woman

I read a thing on the internet the other day that said Sarah Palin actually asked women to vote for McCain because he picked a lady as his vice president, and Obama didn't. Really? REALLY? First of all, that's just as sexist as Joe Biden telling dudes to vote for Obama, because McCain's got a little lady on his ticket. Oh yes it is. Secondly, so what if Obama didn't pick Hillary Clinton as his vice president? That has no bearing whatsoever on his opinion of women. For whatever reason, he and his advisers decided Hillary Clinton was not the right vice presidential candidate, and I would bet my next seven paychecks that her gender had nothing to do with it.

As a matter of fact, I would say (boldly) that Senator Obama has a much higher opinion of women than you do, Governor. He would not strip us of our reproductive rights, and he would not support a Constitutional Amendment to prevent us from marrying each other. He also supports equal pay for equal work, which your running mate does not. And I am not one hundred percent positive on this, because I've not heard him say it, but I would bet seven more paychecks that he would never support legislation requiring rape victims to pay for their own rape kits.

How can you say a vote for McCain is a vote for women? How?

Spooked

Forgive me for this rant, but all the news that supporters of Proposition 8 are gaining ground has really freaked me out. Like, really.

I don't personally know anyone who lives in California, except my dad's younger sister, but I'm not sure how to broach the subject with her--however I am hopeful she's opposed to Proposition 8. Anyway, I am almost more worried about whether or not California--the alleged haven of liberal hippies--amends their constitution to ban the gay marriages it just legalized than I am about whether or not Sarah (motherfucking) Palin becomes this country's first female vice president.

Listen. The California Supreme Court's decision on gay marriage was, like, fucking landmark, okay? Because it equated a person's sexuality with her race or gender or religion. Just as the governments of this country cannot discriminate against people based on those things, neither can they discriminate against people based upon their sexuality. That's what the legality of gay marriage is about: stamping out discrimination against one group of people for something that is as unchangeable as race or gender--and as little of the government's business as religious beliefs.

I just do not understand how, in this country, where one of our most prized founding documents proclaims all men created equal, there are so many fucking people who think it's perfectly fine--no, not just fine, but necessary--to make sure certain American citizens are relegated to permanent second-class status. This is not about whether you think butt sex is a sin. This is not about the "sanctity of marriage." That doesn't exist--and it never has. Why are we pretending that marriage is sacred? That people don't cheat and divorce and all that? I mean, ideally, sure, marriages are supposed to be lifelong and monogamous, but that is just not the reality, and it never has been. Humans are fallible. So that argument, as I am the child of divorced parents, too, really chaps my ass. All of these arguments are strictly religious--it's not the government's business how you have sex or whether you're faithful to your spouse, so--I don't know--shut up! This is not about forcing churches to marry two dudes or two ladies. That's the great thing about this country--you can believe in whatever you want to believe in. You, as a private citizen. But the government of the United States of America (and its individual state governments) can only believe in one thing: equal rights, privileges, and responsibilities for every, single one of its law-abiding citizens. Every. Single. One.

Marriage is not something that can only exist between a man and a woman. Marriage is for any two consenting adults who have decided to make a lifelong commitment to each other. And if a government awards special rights and responsibilities for heterosexual couples who make that choice then it absolutely must accord those same rights to homosexual couples who make the same choice.

That's all there is to it.

So let's go, California. Shoot down Proposition 8, and keep the gay rights movement moving forward instead of seventy-billion steps backward.

PS: Congratulations, Connecticut!

Red Sox ranting

That is it, internet. Josh Beckett and I are so over. I mean, I could forgive the rocky start against the Angels--he'd been injured; he hadn't pitched in a while--but this mess Saturday night against the Rays? Eight earned runs? That is not Josh Beckett pitching. And it certainly is not Josh Beckett post-season pitching. Thank god Daisuke was on fire Friday night. Thank god Jon Lester is pitching today. And I sure do hope Wakefield's knuckleball is workin' tomorrow. I'd rather not have Josh Beckett pitch game 6 at Tropicana Field. Yeah. I don't want that at all.

I am super, super bummed my imaginary husband Mike Lowell has that effed-up hip keeping him off the ALCS roster. But oh I am so happy that my new imaginary boyfriend Dustin Pedroia smashed himself out of his post-season hitting slump. Two fucking home runs! Too bad they ultimately went to waste.

I must be honest, internet--I am kind of shocked the Red Sox are doing this well. Something is just not right about this team--all the injuries, I guess, are spooking me. Plus, it'll be hard to win the World Series with only two reliable starting pitchers.

Joshua Patrick Beckett, you get your act together right now!

Angry and boring part eleventy thousand

Here are some totally boring pet peeves of mine:

I hate whatever fool decided that numerals in titles of things precede the letter A when lists of titles are being alphabetized. That is ridiculous. The numerals always have a corresponding lettered form, you know? So. The 40-Year-Old Virgin goes where, children? Where does it go?

With the Fs. Next.

I also hate the notion that anyone would alphabetize their collection of books by title. Like, no. It has to be organized alphabetically by author. What a mess it would be otherwise! Um, mostly this bugs me because whenever I log in to librarything, my collection is organized by title, and the titles that have numbers in them are first, and then I have to fix it myself. Stupid! You would think the one place that could get this right is a website full of crazy-ass booknerds. Sigh.

OMG, did you know that if you google "since you went away" grey's anatomy song my stupid blog is the first thing that comes up? Just in case my stupid blog didn't help you find your answer, intrepid googler from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, (sometimes I love Canada) the song's "What Can I Say" by Brandi Carlile. You're welcome! Wee!

In other I hate Sarah Palin news

The Governor of Alaska is at the very least interested in banning books. When she was elected mayor of Wasilla, she allegedly asked the city librarian if she would be all right with removing books from library shelves if the mayor saw fit to ask her to do so. The librarian said no, like any good librarian would. Whether it went any further is up for debate, blah blah, but the fact remains that Sarah Palin thinks government censorship of what we are able to read is a-okay.

Oh it is NOT.

Anyway, children, the ALA's Banned Books Week is coming up (September 27 - October 4), and in honor of that, I have decided to read the ten most challenged books of 2007, according to info gathered by the ALA. These books are

1. And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson/Peter Parnell
2. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
3. Olive’s Ocean by Kevin Henkes
4. The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
7. TTYL by Lauren Myracle
8. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
9. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

And actually, I've read three* of them already, so I'm cheating and only reading seven. Also And Tango Makes Three is a picture book about gay penguins, so really, it'll be six actual books. The Nashua Public library had best have all these books, but I will totally buy the gay penguins book if they don't have that.

The Chocolate War and Huck Finn, I think, appear on the ALA's list of most challenged books of all time (along with some of my very favorites, like The Giver and A Wrinkle in Time), and I don't know about the Chocolate War, but Huck Finn is always challenged because of how many times the n-word appears in it. And like, um. That's kind of the point of Huck Finn--it's the racism of the 1830s South through the eyes of a ten-year-old boy. Mark Twain wasn't racist; Huck isn't racist--the society in which this boy lives is racist. The book is not racist--it's not a Klan manifesto. God. People are so dumb.

Well. Duh. People who want to ban books are all idiots. Sigh.

Oh, by the way. What kind of books did Mayor Palin allegedly want to remove from her city's shelves? Gay ones, specifically Daddy's Roommate and Pastor, I Am Gay. Of course. Letting this woman anywhere near the White House is the worst idea I've ever heard.

*A token of my love and affection to anyone who can guess which three.

Should we talk about Gossip Girl?

I don't have a lot to say this time. I am glad that Serena and Dan broke up, and I loved how she yelled at him for being a judgmental prick, and then he fell down. Suck it, Dan!

Chuck is in love with Blair, blah blah, but he's back to being creepy instead of sympathetic. So. Creepy.

Nate and Vanessa--yawn.

Jenny, the wise intern, telling Eleanor how to breathe new life into her designs? JESUS CHRIST. Get rid of that posthaste.

Most disappointing of all, however, is the fact that the power went out, and NO ONE HAD SEX. No one. Maybe I'm too used to Showtime porn or something, but come on. It's a blackout. There are lots of sexy people on this show. But all they did was talk! Boo.

However, I am kind of wicked excited to see Dan and Serena fight next week. I wish Serena would date a lady now that she's free from the shackles of Humphriana, but I'll have to keep dreaming.

And where is Lily? Where is Eric? I want van der Woodsen bonding! Because I clearly won't get any lesbians!