I don't even like Halloween. Allegedly.

Oh my god, do you know what I got hit with a big craving for just this minute? Those pumpkins that are just like candy corn but are shaped like pumpkins. You know? These:
Apparently, their official name is Mellowcreme Pumpkins. That sounds gross. I just call them pumpkin-shaped candy corn. Ooh, and they're so much more potent than candy corn. After I eat, like, two I want to barf, because I might as well just be pouring granulated sugar down my throat, but oh my god, they're so delicious. Right?

Oh, but do you know what is effing nasty, and for some reason, every Halloween I still eat some? So-called Indian Corn, the brown candy corn. Is the brown supposed to make it taste like chocolate? Because it tastes like ass! And every year, I go, "Ooh, candy corn. All candy corn is delicious, right?" Wrong. Oh, so very wrong. Why won't I learn my lesson, dammit? Also, even among regular candy corn, all candy corn is not delicious. Pretty much, for me, it's Brach's or nothing. Anything else is, like, hard and plasticky, but Brach's is chewy and delicious. The Goelitz people, who own Jelly Belly, make candy corn, and it is gross! They should just make a candy corn flavored jelly bean. Or would that be too weird, candy that tastes like other candy? Whatever. I would eat candy corn flavored jelly beans by the handful.

I have a problem.

Wait! I just thought of something else that's gross! During the fall of senior year, I was at...Target (?) with... Jen and/or Sarah, and I found candy corn flavored soda, and because I love candy corn, I was like, "Sweet! I have to get this!" And Jen and/or Sarah tried to talk me out of it, because they both knew it would be gross (even if they both weren't there; they both were smarter than me in this regard), but I was insistent. And oh god, it was gross. It did not taste like candy corn so much as carbonated honey and glue, which is probably what candy corn is, but it tastes much better in solid form. I had to buy a six pack, no singles, and I couldn't even finish one can. The other five sat in our fridge until Christmas. So here's another lesson I need to heed: novelty soda is never delicious. Jones's, I'm looking at you. Since, you know, you made this horrible stuff. And you have your Thanksgiving flavored sodas too. Blergh.
The can is cute, though. I was so sad that it was gross. So sad. Actually, you know, I think I popped one of these in the parking lot, got grossed out and poured it out the car window, then went home and refrigerated the other five to see if that would improve the taste. It did not, and can number two got poured down the drain. So there were really only four cans sitting in the fridge till Christmas. No one else even wanted to try it!