I went to the show fully expecting her to make me eat the words of my last blog, and she had me up until she brought in Jesus, in introducing "Up to the Mountain." I was so ruffled I even remember the exact words she said: "I grew up in church, so this is gonna be churchy--so don't be afraid of Jesus. Just let him in." And I was, like, "Oh. My. Fuck." Is that necessary? Leave Jesus out of it, lady. Like, okay, I have no problem if Jesus is your bag--truly--but stop, stop, stop trying to get other people to feel about Jesus the way you do. (This is not really directed at Kelly--what she said was pretty harmless, but it's just a thing that I can't stand.) I am actually kind of a fan of Jesus myself, but not in a "he's the key to your eternal salvation" way--in a "dude knew how to treat people way." But anyway, the show was so fun that I kind of got over it, but it rankled me for the whole song, which is actually quite a beautiful song, from Patty Griffin.
Okay, now that the bitching's out of the way, let's continue shall we? All of the things I wanted to happen at Brandi's Boston concert that didn't happened at Kelly Clarkson: standing throughout the show, crazy audience participation, and Boston Red Sox hat wearing. Oh yes. Kelly put on a pink one, backwards, for "Since U Been Gone." Adorable. And one of her backup singers wore the regular navy blue one. Also, she talked about the World Series at the beginning of her show, and apparently she sang the national anthem with Aerosmith (or she did "God Bless America" and Aerosmith did the national anthem?) for one of the games in 2004? How did I miss this? You know I was watching the World Series in 2004. Oh well. She said she totally became a Red Sox fan after that. I'm taking that with a mother-fucking grain of salt, but I think she said that she and her brother come out to games every once in a while. I could have hallucinated that, but whatever. Kelly knows how to pander to the Boston audiences, Brandi. Jon McLaughlin, her opener, did too--wearing a Sox t-shirt despite being from Indiana.
I was sitting behind this family with two adorable moppet boys, who couldn't have been older than six and four, and we were right in front of the stage, and it was loud, but the littler one fell asleep about halfway through. So cute. The audience was rather more diverse than the audiences at the shows I've been attending these days. I only saw two lesbians. But many more gay dudes--in couples or with herds of hags. There were also a lot of straight girls together in pairs, and they were the ones who went craziest for her. I don't get you, straight girls. And then there were moms and daughters, which was sweet. The mom in the row in front of me was totally digging the show, even more than her daughter. That made me smile.
Her bassist was awesome, tall and bald, so I couldn't help comparing him to Phil (Phil won), but he sang along with the choruses to "Behind These Hazel Eyes" and "Never Again" without a mic, and I realized that's fun even when it's not Brandi Carlile doing it. Also, he was kind of scary-looking. He looked a little bit like Voldemort. And he wore shoes. So of course Phil won.
The highlight for me, as usual, was "Addicted," which remains my favorite Kelly Clarkson song. I think it might actually be her favorite Kelly Clarkson song, too. She killed it, and the audience lost its collective mind. I did prefer the way she did it back in '05, though, when she just sang it a capella. Or at least the beginning of it was a capella. That was awesome.
Oh my god! I totally forgot the best part. After...some song--"Be Still"?--she disappeared behind the curtain and came back for "Miss Independent" wearing a black vest. Serious. It was cut girlier than Brandi's, and she just threw it on over the blue shirt she was already wearing, and she didn't button it or anything, but. Y'all. Black vest. What is that about? There's a picture I have of her, in profile, and with the vest, she looks kind of dykey. Something about vests just screams lesbian. Kelly, however, is not a lesbian. No matter how much I kind of wish she was.
Here's another thing that bugged at this concert: the crowd was too fucking loud. When she did just her simple songs, like "Be Still," people kept screaming and ruining it--making it hard to hear her voice. And, people, Kelly Clarkson is all about that voice. That is what makes her awesome. So shut up and listen to it! I am getting old and cranky!
So I was closer to the stage than I was at Brandi, and that kind of made me sad about Brandi, but I went to Vermont and remedied that, and anyway, I was close enough that I could pretend I could actually make eye contact with Kelly Clarkson, and just the illusion of that made me happy. (I still love her, y'all. In case you didn't pick up on that.)
Kelly is cute and sweet and goofy, and I fell in love with her again just watching her bounce around the stage and talk to the audience about how she was sweating like crazy, because once again, the Orpheum was fucking stifling. Not as bad as Brandi, but bad. I guess because it was still so warm outside? But it kind of feels like there's no fucking ventilation in the theater.
My other highlight, besides "Addicted" and the Red Sox hat, was that she actually performed "Chivas"--and told the story of how she wrote it, smashed, on bar napkins after running into someone she didn't want to see--on that night made infamous on youtube when she got drunk and decided to sing some Guns 'n Roses. And she just laughed about it, like, "Okay, we all do dumb shit when we're drunk." The audience loved it. I loved it. Because I love fun drunks. She actually said, "I was at this bar, and I was inebriated--that means drunk--" and everyone was already howling, because she was talking about drinking, but I just died that she had to explain the meaning of inebriated.
She opened the show with "One Minute," which is the only song on My December I don't like, but she was bouncin' around and having so much fun that I couldn't not love it. I also don't like "Because of You," mostly because it got played to death, but I sang along dutifully with the rest of the crowd, because Kelly eats that shit up. Also, when she was talking about the song, she mentioned how she got to re-record it with Reba McEntire, who is one of her "idols"--she said it with the air quotes--and then she supplied her own rimshot, and no one was really listening, because they were all going crazy in anticipation for the song or something, but I died laughing. Number one, because she's still hung up on being the American Idol (poor girl), and number two, she supplied her own rim shot for a lame joke. If you can even call it a joke. Adorable!
While we're talking about Kelly Clarkson songs I don't like, let me tell you about "Breakaway." First of all, that song title should be two words, because it is a two-part verb. Like "Walk Away." Second, I hate that song. I hate it like I hate "A Moment Like This." It's so lame. And cheesy. And even when she does it live, I kind of can't stand it. But I sang along anyway, because that is what you do at a Kelly Clarkson concert.
Her hair was short and blonde, which means that in those pictures where she has the long, wavy brown hair, she's wearing a weave (weeds), shoo. Blah. I don't like it when she's blonde. I much prefer pretty brunette Kelly Clarkson. But the length of her hair was cute. I approve of that. That was also why I didn't buy a tour t-shirt. In the pictures, it was so obvious her hair was fake, I wasn't feelin' it. Not worth the $35. She had a cute brown hooded sweatshirt that I would have bought had it not been $60. Sixty dollars! Brandi's was $35. Dammit, Kelly Clarkson, you're too famous.
So here's a thing I realized when I was driving home last night: my Kelly Clarkson obsession comes and goes in waves. Like, it was crazy after she won Idol, so crazy that I went to see From Justin to Kelly in the theater. Possibly more than once. Then it kind of waned until she put out Breakaway, and I couldn't stop listening to that for months, and then it kind of waned again until August '05 when Katy and I decided to go on up to Manchester and see if we could get tickets the night of the show. And we did! And the show was awesome! (I miss Katy.) Then I made my dad get me tickets to her summer of '06 show for a graduation present, and I got totally obsessed again, and the obsession didn't really abate until...um, I fell in love with Brandi Carlile. Which happened gradually, because it didn't happen right after her show in Boston, because I was still hyped up about Kelly's new album coming out in a month (I think?), and then it didn't happen right after the Hampton Beach show--it was happening before that--but it was after that that I decided I definitely liked her better than Kelly. So, anyway, I've decided that were it not for this crazy Brandi Carlile thing, I'd have fallen crazy in love with Kelly again after last night and been all, "I need to see her again immediately!" like I was after the other two concerts. Now that emotion is reserved for Ms. Carlile. She has most definitely earned it, because when I saw her again immediately after one concert, she was even better. Believe it.
Oh! I forgot the second best part. She was barefoot, like she always is, but I never love it any less.
Ahem, anyway, Kelly Clarkson pictures are up. Enjoy, beeyotches.
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