Battle of the Bands V

Special snow day edition! Featuring some of the more embarrassing songs in my vast collection, plus five Brandi Carlile songs! Letters F-J!

F
“Firecracker”: Ryan Adams vs. Lisa Loeb
The Decision: Well, this is kind of unfair to Lisa, since this is my very favorite Ryan Adams song. I don’t think this man can be beaten—unless he goes up against that girl who also forces me to admit I like country music.
Winner: Ryan Adams

“Follow”: Brandi Carlile vs. Semisonic
The Decision: Oh please. This one isn’t even close—Semisonic isn’t even in the same hemisphere as this Brandi Carlile song.
Winner: Brandi Carlile

“Fool”: Blur vs. Shakira
The Decision: This is one of Shakira’s only English songs that I like. Poor Blur—they keep getting blown away. (Also, don’t judge me for the Shakira albums. I wouldn’t judge your love for Blink 182—even if I would mock it. In my head.)
Winner: Shakira

“Free”: G. Love vs. Phish vs. The Martinis
The Decision: Man, that G. Love song didn’t even rate when I listened to it. And the Martinis song is from Empire Records. But once again, I’ve been loving this Phish song since elementary school.
Winner: Phish

G
“Genius”: Kings of Leon vs. The Murmurs
The Decision: This one really isn’t tough. I think I need to get rid of these songs I ganked because they were on The L-Word.
Winner: Kings of Leon

“Ghost”: Indigo Girls vs. Phish
The Decision: Oh my god, Emily Saliers’s lyrics kill me. I’d never heard this song until I went Indigo Girls crazy in preparation for their concert in August, and thank god I did go Indigo Girls crazy, because…Christ. Not only is the emotion starkly evident in these lyrics, but she deftly uses some awesome metaphors—and even alludes to the Trojan War—and I am just in awe of her as I listen to this. Um, sorry, Trey.
Winner: Indigo Girls

“Girl”: The Beatles vs. Piney Gir
The Decision: This is another Beatles song that does nothing for me. Weird.
Winner: Piney Gir

“Glory”: Brandi Carlile vs. Liz Phair
The Decision: Phew. A rematch, much more evenly matched this time. I only recently started loving this Brandi Carlile song, but man do I love it. Oh, Liz, this song is much better than your “Closer to You,” but it’s not enough.
Winner: Brandi Carlile

“Gone”: Brandi Carlile vs. Kelly Clarkson vs. Ben Folds
The Decision: This is the one I’ve been waiting for: Brandi vs. Kelly. I’m only sorry that Ben had to participate in this—I even love his song, but not enough to put him head to head with Brandi or Kelly. So with the boy out of the way, who’s going to take this one? This is one of the only songs Brandi wrote with both of the twins, and it’s so good. Better than “Losing Heart,” which is the only other one I can think of. But I don’t know. This Kelly song gets me—it’s really good to holler along with in the car. Shit! It’s a tie, motherfuckers. I can’t pick just one. Help me. Although, from what I know of the readers of this blog, if they were to vote, it’d be Brandi. So maybe I should just give it to her? Nope. Still a tie. Or! Since Brandi and Kelly cancel each other out, it goes to Ben. Eh? What an upset.
Winner: Ben Folds

“Good Enough”: 8Stops7 vs. Lizzy Picciallo vs. Sarah McLachlan
The Decision: Oh, come on now. Only one of these songs is by a crazy lez I actually know in real life. (Or knew. I miss you, Lizzy!)
Winner: Lizzy Picciallo

H
“Hallelujah”: Ryan Adams vs. Rufus Wainwright
The Decision: Okay, so I don’t have the Leonard Cohen version of this song, and I figured I’d put Rufus’s cover into battle, because Brandi’s been seeing so much action. And until I heard Brandi’s, Rufus’s was my fave version of this song. So I think it’s safe to say, no matter who’s singing it, Leonard Cohen’s song beats Ryan Adams’s—even though I do like this one a lot, Ryan.
Winner: Rufus Wainwright

“Happy”: Brandi Carlile vs. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
The Decision: For some reason, I really only like this Brandi Carlile song when she’s singing it in front of me—especially since the bitch she’s singing about is not, in fact, named Emily. What the hell kind of name is Amber Lee? (And for the record, I am not the only person who thought she was saying Emily, okay? Okay.)
Winner: Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins

“Haunted”: Kelly Clarkson vs. Poe
The Decision: Aw, this is one of the Poe songs Tater used to play frequently on Girly Sounds, but my mp3 has been marred by some bad ripping—I think the CD I stole from Mike has seen better days. However, this is not one of Kelly’s better songs. I won’t hold the bad technology against Poe.
Winner: Poe

“Hear Me Out”: Ben Kweller vs. Frou Frou
The Decision: It’s only recently that I’ve been digging Imogen Heap, and this song is good, but I once spent an entire Easter break driving around New Hampshire, wailing along with this Ben Kweller album, and chain-smoking Camel Lights. This was before I could legally drink, obviously.
Winner: Ben Kweller

“Hey You”: No Doubt vs. Shakira
The Decision: Oooh, this is my fave English Shakira song. No joke. I love it. Sorry, Gwen.
Winner: Shakira

“Home”: Melanie C. vs. Carbon Leaf vs. Sheryl Crow
The Decision: Okay, you can feel free to judge me for owning Spice Girl solo albums. It’s moderately embarrassing. Anyway, this is really between Carbon Leaf and Sheryl Crow, because it’s embarrassing enough to admit I own this album—I’m not going to subject myself to further humiliation by saying I like this song best of these three. Anyway. None of these are my favorites, but the Carbon Leaf and Sheryl Crow ones are good. Eh.
Winner: Sheryl Crow

“Hurricane”: Bob Dylan vs. Lisa Loeb
The Decision: Oh, Lisa. I am so sorry.
Winner: Bob Dylan

I
“I Know”: Fiona Apple vs. Blur vs. Save Ferris
The Decision: Well, I think this one comes down to Blur and Save Ferris, since this is one of the only Fiona songs that I forget as soon as it’s over. And I kind of overplayed this Save Ferris song a million summers ago.
Winner: Blur

“I Wish”: Semisonic vs. Patti LaBelle, Yolanda Adams, and Fantasia Barrino
The Decision: The latter song is from the Happy Feet soundtrack (oh, god, it’s getting harder for me to expect people to take my taste in music seriously), so I think Semisonic automatically wins this one. Even though they have better songs—and this one goes on for far too long.
Winner: Semisonic

“Independence Day”: Ani DiFranco vs. Melanie C.
The Decision: Sporty Spice is never going to win one of these, okay? And certainly not against Ani DiFranco.
Winner: Ani DiFranco

J
“Jessica”: The Allman Brothers vs. Adam Green
The Decision: On the one hand, this Allman Brothers song is a classic, but it doesn’t have any words. On the other hand, this Adam Green song has words, but is weirdly about Jessica Simpson.
Winner: The Allman Brothers

“Josephine”: Tori Amos vs. Brandi Carlile
The Decision: Here we go. A battle that restores my faith in my musical taste. Do I even have to explain anything, though? Tori’s awesome, but Brandi and the twins are awesome to the billionth power. Plus, this is one of my favorite songs to hear them do live.
Winner: Brandi Carlile