So I was sad tonight, for multiple reasons, and I was like, "Allison, I am sad. Tell me a fun story." And she told me the best story ever--it totally cheered me up, and now I have to share it with the world.
Once, there was a young lesbian named.....Bremily. She really liked this one singer who seemed to always be touring everywhere except for where young Bremily lived.
one day, Bremily fought a dragon and won! she took the dragon's wallet and found in its folds a million dollars!
she used some of that money to take a cruise.
but not just any cruise....
this was a cruise upon which a certain singer/songwriter would be performing!
Bremily went to all the shows and after the last, decided to go up to this singer. the singer's name was Shmandi.
but Shmandi was surrounded by people, and Bremily was very shy, so she chickened out and left. she decided to go to the bar. [which is, like, so me]
so Bremily was at the bar, drowning her sorrows in her 3rd Corona, when she heard a voice...
"I'll have what she's having.."
Bremily turned, and to her dismay, Shmandi was sitting two stools over grinning at her in that way she does.
they got to talking about all sorts of things....books (The Neverending Story, which Shmandi has read), movies (But I'm A Cheerleader!), and how crappy it is that the Patriots are stupid when it matters most!
so they talked more and more and drank more and more and the whole time they were flirting like they would never be able to flirt again.
finally, Shmandi winked at Bremily and said she needed to [go to] bed.
Bremily smiled, with a hint of disappointment, as Shmandi paid her bill. as she started to walk away, Bremily looked down at the bar surface, drunken disappointment all over her face.
but then, Shmandi called over her shoulder, "You coming?"...
and Bremily grinned at the bar's surface, slung back the rest of her beer, and happily followed.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
The most perfect part of this story--other than the fact that it's an enactment of "Alright" (but with a better ending!)--is that I--er, Bremily--got the money to go on this cruise by slaying a dragon and stealing his wallet. And, as she just said, "it's like, 'woman! I slayed a dragon to get here! you better be taking me back to your room!'" Allison is my hero.
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2 comments:
Is this about a secret crush on Mandy Moore because if so... that is only a step above Kelly Clarkson.
:P
Ha. Anyways, you girls are funny. I have to admit I smiled my way through that post. I hope that in dreamworld the ending would be happier than in "Alright." Otherwise bliss might only be fleeting.
But, like I said before, I think that song is hot.
So Shmandi actually did know how to read then? Like books? Amazing!
Oh, and um, this story was great and all...but I don't really see where I fit in. I mean, I thought Shmandi and I were supposed to be friendly friends. Shit. I wasn't the slain dragon was I? You skank hoe, you took my wallet.
Oh, this is my fantasy land (...as imagined by Allison, but whatever)--you stay out of it. Nyeh.
"Alright" is hot--and this is like that, but better because it ends happily. I should have specified that crucial difference.
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