Venting my digital spleen

There are some things I would like to know about Front Row, which I almost want to marry, but I can't quite make the commitment because it has some serious flaws.

On the real, I would really like to know where it's grabbing the files--does it go through iTunes at all, or does it just take the folders and files in the Music and Movies folders and vomit them onto its interface? I mean, it would seem to bypass parts of the iTunes library, because no matter what I do, I can't get Front Row to look like my iTunes library, particularly in the area of television shows.

So I get that Apple thought it was a brilliant idea to list the episodes of each show in reverse order, keeping the most recent on top for easy viewing after iTunes has downloaded the latest episode of the show. Fine. And I know there are dicey legal issues about ripping DVDs, even for personal use, so they just ignored that and organized based on episodes bought from the iTunes store, but come on. Plenty of OCD nerds want the episodes displayed in the correct order. So why can't Apple create user preferences for Front Row, so it displays content the way you, the OCD nerd, would prefer? Doesn't Apple understand about OCD nerds?!

Basically, my real problem is that Front Row will not display seasons of television shows in the proper order. Some of them are listed 1,2,3, etc. Some are listed 4,3,2,1 (for example). And some are listed ridiculously 7,6,1,2,3,4,5 (Gilmore Girls) or 11,5,10,6,4,3,2,1 (South Park). Friday Night Lights goes 2,3,1, and Grey's Anatomy goes 3,2,1,4. How does this happen??? I've tried organizing the files into folders named by season, and that worked on Popular and Xena, but that's it. So what is the deal? I feel like I should tell Apple that this is a big problem, but would they even listen? And then do I want to get into the fact that I've ripped hundreds of DVDs onto an external hard drive so I can watch them on my iMac because, maybe you missed this, but I am a(n OCD) nerd?

Really, I would just like to know how Front Row works, because this is driving me bananas. Also, why can't you play video playlists in Front Row? Come on, Apple. This interface could be totally awesome, and yet it's stuck at almost awesome but simultaneously fucking frustrating. Let's develop this, please. I give you the input; your OCD nerd engineers write the updates. This could be a beautiful partnership. And then you could give me a free Apple TV as thanks for my invaluable insight.

iPod tweaks

I wrote this a few years ago, when I still had a PC, long before everyone was using Vista (or maybe even before Vista had been released), but it might still come in handy to someone, so I decided to transfer it over here. Hopefully, these instructions work for Vista. If not, I can tweak them as I learn about Vista.

To transfer music from your iPod to your computer:

1. Connect the iPod to the computer. If iTunes opens and gives you bullshit about different libraries or whatever, tell it to cram it, then close iTunes.

2. Open My Computer.

3. Double click the icon for your iPod (should be Drive E: or F:).

4. Select Folder Options from the Tools menu in the iPod window.

5. Click the View tab.

6. In the Advanced Settings pane, select Show hidden files and folders. Click OK.

7. You should see a folder in the iPod window called iPod_control. Double click it.

8. Double click the Music folder. You should see a bunch of folders labeled F00, F01, F02, etc. All of your music files are in these folders.

9. Choose Select All from the Edit menu to highlight all the folders.

10. Choose Copy to Folder from the Edit menu.

11. Choose the folder to which you'd like to copy your music files, and then click Copy. It may take a while, but eventually, all your music files will be transferred to the designated folder on your computer.

12. Once the file transfer is complete, you can import these songs into iTunes--just choose Add folder to library from the File menu and select the folder in which your F00, F01, F02, etc. folders are now located (I would recommend the My Music folder).

*Your music files themselves will have shortened names, but as long as you have the track/artist/album info entered in the tags, all of that should be preserved once you add them to iTunes. And if you have iTunes set up to do so, it will rename the files and reorganize them into folders by artist and album name. Any troubles, let me know.

Did I say dorking out yesterday? Today is so much worse.

Some days ago, Allison and I were fantasizing about having millions of dollars, and she said something about me buying an iPod for every day of the week, and even though she was totally making fun of me, ever since then I haven't been able to get the idea out of my head.

Mind you, I am fully aware of how stupid, useless, and wasteful that would be. If I had millions, I would certainly use them for my own enjoyment, but I also hope I would avoid the five cars, overly large house pitfall and use good portions of my riches to help others. By which I mean, I would hopefully not buy a bunch of expensive things I clearly don't need just because I can.

However. Sometimes I still selfishly fantasize about the fun of having eight different iPods--seven nanos for each day of the week and one classic to hold music and videos. Okay, the only reason this occupies my nerdiest fantasies is that Apple released the nanos in all these pretty colors. I could use the red one on Mondays, and it could be full of certain kinds of Monday-ish songs, and then the blue one on Tuesdays, etc. (Awesomely enough, there are nine different colors of nanos, so I wouldn't even have to buy a pink one to carry out this plan.) I would totally color-coordinate/day-coordinate my music library too, which is, um, ridiculous, but oh, the joy it would bring to my nerdy little heart.

So I'm sad to say that if I had millions, I would probably buy seven iPod nanos and then start obsessively going through my library, making lists of which songs to put on which color for which day. Maybe I will do that anyway, for the phantom iPod nanos I will never buy, because I will never have millions.

What I should buy instead of seven iPods I don't need (really, what is wrong with me?) is an Apple TV. That would be rather awesome. However, we have this whole fancy home theater thing set up now, and I could not add an Apple TV to that mess myself, because I am, sadly, not that geeky, so I would have to go to Tweeter and buy the Apple TV and then ask nicely if they can come over and hook it up for me. Which they would do. For extra dough, most likely. But! Worth it. Plus, I could buy the cheaper one, because I'd have all my media on my computer and wouldn't need to store it locally on the box itself, thus saving myself the money I will have to spend on an installation. Oh, boo.

Told you it was dorkier today.

Genius experiments

So. I downloaded iTunes 8 because I really, really, really wanted to see how good this Genius feature was going to be, and I made 3 quick playlists based on 3 of my favorite songs these days.

The first one is based on the iTunes Live Sessions version of Tegan and Sara's "Back in Your Head":
1. Back in Your Head - Tegan and Sara
2. Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley
3. The Sound of Settling - Death Cab for Cutie
4. Be Be Your Love - Rachael Yamagata
5. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson
6. Satellite - Guster
7. I Know I Know I Know - Tegan and Sara
8. 12:51 - The Strokes
9. Bottle It Up - Sara Bareilles
10. If She Wants Me - Belle & Sebastian
11. On the Radio - Regina Spektor
12. The Story - Brandi Carlile
13. Everything I'm Not - The Veronicas
14. Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
15. Crooked Teeth - Death Cab for Cutie
16. Brick - Ben Folds Five
17. Four Winds - Bright Eyes
18. Taper Jean Girl - Kings of Leon
19. Nineteen - Tegan and Sara
20. Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
21. Phantom Limb - The Shins
22. Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches
23. Us - Regina Spektor
24. Goodnight Goodnight - Hot Hot Heat
25. Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys

This one's based on "Downpour":
1. Downpour - Brandi Carlile
2. You Don't Make It Easy, Babe - Josh Ritter
3. Get Out the Map - Indigo Girls
4. Slung-Lo - Erin McKeown
5. Gravity - Sara Bareilles
6. Tried to Be True - Indigo Girls & Brandi Carlile
7. Airline to Heaven - Wilco
8. Sunny Came Home - Shawn Colvin
9. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson
10. Welcome Me - Indigo Girls
11. See the World - Gomez
12. Hallelujah - Brandi Carlile
13. Madly - Tristan Prettyman
14. Song Beneath the Song - Maria Taylor
15. Life Less Ordinary - Carbon Leaf
16. Language or the Kiss - Indigo Girls
17. Golden Age of Radio - Josh Ritter
18. Not As We - Alanis Morissette
19. What Light - Wilco
20. Gotta Serve Somebody - Bob Dylan
21. The Facts about Jimmy - Shawn Colvin
22. When the Stars Go Blue - Ryan Adams
23. The Story - Brandi Carlile
24. Across the Universe - Rufus Wainwright
25. Southland in the Springtime - Indigo Girls

And this final one, just so I could embarrass myself some more on the internet, is based on "Since U Been Gone":
1. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
2. Everything I'm Not - The Veronicas
3. You and I Both - Jason Mraz
4. Hero - Mariah Carey
5. As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional
6. Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick
7. Ironic - Alanis Morissette
8. Samson - Regina Spektor
9. Addicted - Kelly Clarkson
10. You Had Me - Joss Stone
11. Comfortable - John Mayer
12. Love and Memories - O.A.R.
13. The Sound of Settling - Death Cab for Cutie
14. This Year's Love - David Gray
15. Say You'll Be There - Spice Girls
16. Amazing - Josh Kelley
17. 4Ever - The Veronicas
18. You Thought Wrong - Kelly Clarkson & Tamyra Gray
19. Look After You - The Fray
20. You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson
21. Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
22. My Prerogative - Britney Spears
23. Black Roses Red - Alana Grace
24. Only Hope - Mandy Moore
25. Why Can't I? - Liz Phair

On the whole, Genius does a decent job of pulling songs that do go rather well together, but it repeats artists more often than I would in the space of twenty-five songs, and... I don't know. I usually make playlists for driving, so I pay more attention to what I like to sing while I'm in the car than whether or not the songs flow or whatever. My playlists are fun, if not musically sophisticated.

Anyway, Genius is fun just for seeing which songs it matches together, but it will not take over playlist duty the next time I drive to Canada. Also, I just realized it's basically a fancified version of iTunes' old feature, Smart Shuffle or whatever the crap that was. Party Shuffle? Yeah. It's better than that, but still not better than me!

We'll see who's a Genius

So Apple is allegedly releasing new iPods next Tuesday, as well as launching iTunes 8 which will have some interesting new features. The iPods that look like they're being updated are the nano and the touch, which does me no good, unless the iPod touch magically gets a 160GB hard drive. Then I might do something stupid, because I've been in a bad mood all month, and something new and shiny could probably cheer me up for at least a day.

Stupid disease.

Anyway, the thing I'm interested in this time, since the iPod classics look to be staying the same, is a new rumored feature in iTunes called Genius, which can apparently generate playlists from your library of songs that just, like, go perfectly together. I am eager to see how well this works because few people have a more eclectic music collection than I. These recommendation generator things always fail to impress me, because while I seem to share big chunks of my taste in music (and books) with a bunch of other people, it never really matches up. I wonder what it'll do with my collection. I love making playlists--I don't think Genius will be better at it than me. Twice, I made a 350-song playlist for a roadtrip, and they were both super awesome, if rather similar. I'd like to see an automated program make a playlist that'll take me out of the country and back! Boo-yah!

In lieu of purchasing a 160GB iPod touch that doesn't exist, I just bought season one of Gossip Girl on iTunes. (I almost bought the first season of Doug, but I decided Gossip Girl would keep me more occupied.) More economical anyway, if not as shiny. (Hee, one of the early episodes is called "Bad News Blair.")

In other geek news, I've been using my (interminable) convalescent period to rip my DVDs to my iMac, and I totally just ran out of room on the hard drive, and I am not even anywhere near halfway done. I've only just begun the Cs in movies, and the tv shows I haven't been doing in any particular order (for shame!), but they're not halfway done either. I do have a shiny external hard drive that I've only been using to back up my non-media files, so I'll start copying new media files there, but I think I'll run out of room on that long before the halfway point, too. I should have gotten the 500GB iMac, but that shit is expensive, yo.

Anyway, I wanted to do this because of Apple's Front Row application that lets you access your media library with a remote control, so I could just lie in bed and watch whatever movie or tv show I wanted without having to get up and put in a DVD. I know that sounds like the epitome of sloth (and perhaps it is), but something about having your entire media library instantly accessible is just so appealing. Then! I could invest in an AppleTV, and I could watch all my movies on the big widescreen tv without having to bother to go downstairs and get the DVD. It would be super awesome for something like a Pirates or Harry Potter marathon. Or, like, a Gossip Girl or Top Model or Futurama marathon.

The only thing I don't like about Front Row is that you can't make video playlists, so you can't just watch all the episodes of one season of a tv show without individually selecting each episode. It's a small thing, I suppose, but it's kind of annoying when the episodes are half-hour ones.

Oh! The other thing about Front Row that bugs the crap out of me is that it doesn't order tv shows by season, or episodes by number. It orders them by how recently you added them to your library. Why doesn't it just mimic the iTunes library? Everything in there is anal-retentively arranged. Because that's how I roll.

The first week of mono, I went on a book reading tear, by which I mean I read two books in one week, but ever since then I've read like 40 pages of Memoirs of a Geisha. I'm so tired, y'all. Too tired to read. And that is a bad sign.

Confound it all

I should be saving my money for a new car or an apartment or something, but now I have this urge to go on an unnecessary shopping spree. Even though it’s not getting any warmer than 40 degrees these days, all the stores have their summer stuff in, and I, like, really wanna buy some shorts. And flip flops. And a new belt. Then I want some new books and DVDs. I already buy music without thinking about it—damn you, iTunes. I also want a Mac Book, which is, like, the most unnecessary thing ever because I just bought an iMac, and I don’t do any traveling. But I just really like the idea of being able to take my computer anywhere. A new iPod would be nice too, especially since this one’s started acting up—I’ve had to restore it to its original factory settings, like, five times.

Theoretically, I could just go to the library instead of Barnes & Noble, because that would be much cheaper, but the Nashua Public Library does not have a lot of the books I want to read. Which is a damn shame. I love libraries. It did, however, have two books I wanted to read, both by Margaret Atwood, and the one I am reading now, The Handmaid’s Tale, is so good, but so horrifying that I can’t read it all at one clip like I usually do with books that are good. If you have any investment in the equal treatment of women, you should probably read this book. There have been a few parts that have made me actually sick to my stomach. Which I is why I am simultaneously reading On the Banks of Plum Creek, even though, if I recall correctly, this is the one where the entire family gets scarlet fever, and Mary goes blind. And it’s definitely the one with the locust plague. Still cheerier than The Handmaid’s Tale!

Make it better

You know what I love? Clean sheets on a warm bed and a small animal curled up asleep next to my legs. It's a little slice of paradise, right there. Until, of course, the small animal wakes up and starts practicing his hunting skills on my feet, but hey, that won't happen for another three hours, and he's so cute right there, and he's keeping my legs warm. Actually, Charles did wake me up at three am, but he didn't get violent, so I just pushed him off the bed and went back to sleep. I think he got back on the bed, but he just sat there and totally didn't attack me. Let's hope this is the beginning of a new nightly pattern. The waking up I can tolerate--it's the unexpected pain that makes me cranky.

So I bought Joshua Radin's Unclear Sky EP on iTunes, because he has a duet with Ingrid Michaelson on it, and yesterday was new music Tuesday (uh, even though this came out last Tuesday--whatever! Last week was busy), and god knows I haven't given Apple enough of my money yet, but now I really want to go to the Hotel Cafe tour. But it's in Boston on a random Tuesday, and Jess, the only person I'd be able to drag with me, probably won't be able to go. Or won't be enticed enough by any of these folk rockers to blow off whatever she might have goin' on. I know she likes Ingrid, but probably not enough. Oh, well, we have our A Fine Frenzy tickets--that'll have to be good enough. And then Mike and I are going to see Margaret Cho in April. All paltry substitutes for the only band I really want to see. Joshua Radin also sounds better when he's singing with a girl. Alone, I'm...not as impressed. Stop whispering or something. And who is this girl who isn't Ingrid Michaelson singing with him? I really want to see her live. Ingrid, that is, not mystery woman. Maybe I'll just go alone. No. I totally won't.

The other day, Liz decided to give me a list of girls she approved of me dating. She got distracted, but the first two were La, a bartender at the only gay club in New Hampshire, and the girl at Bath & Body Works I have a stupid crush on. I was like, "Thanks, Liz--one's straight and the other has a girlfriend." Very helpful. Liz also started this other thing by telling me that someone told her I had a crush on some other girl at Bath & Body Works, which is a lie, but I found it so amusing that I told everyone else this story, and I have been referring to this girl as my girlfriend ever since. Anyway, last night Kaeli told me that someone told the girlfriend I had a new girlfriend, and she got all butthurt. Kaeli actually said butthurt! That was my favorite thing Carlos and I used to say about our wet blanket friends when they acted all wet-blankety. Also, I was like, "So...who is my new girlfriend?" And Kaeli said Keri said something about how I came into the store "with some chick," and I was like, "Christ, that happened at least a month ago." Keri is still hung up on the time I went into the store with Allison because she needed some black raspberry vanilla something or blah, blah, whatever, and I wanted to go to the mall because I needed a coat or something. I mean, Allison is a babe, but I told Keri she wasn't my girlfriend, Jesus. Oh the tangled gay web of Bath & Body Works! Meanwhile, I remain the only lesbian employed at that location.

Do you know what I wish for, sometimes, late at night? That some lady artist would do a cover of The Turtles' "Happy Together." I totally love that song (oh, shut up), but I think I'd enjoy it even more if a girl would sing it. Okay, so apparently some betches have redone "Happy Together," but I've never heard of any of them, and the 30-second iTunes clips I listened to were all hideous. I'm really not sure who, specifically, I'd want to sing this song for me, but... I still want to hear it done well by a girl.

I am still drooling over the new iPod classic with its fancy new interface and 160GB hard drive. Now that I've been ripping DVDs onto my iMac, I have used all but 3GB of space on my iPod's 80GB hard drive. However, just as I resisted buying the iPod video until my other iPod died, I will have to resist buying the iPod classic until this iPod dies. Maybe by then, the iPod touch will have a decent hard drive, and I can get one of those. They're also pretty drool-worthy.

Once upon a time, Erin asked me if I had any KT Tunstall in my iTunes library, and I was like, "No. I actually kind of can't stand her." What does that even mean? How is it possible to "kind of" not stand someone? I suppose that was my way of softening it or something, but this is the bald-ass truth: I can't stand KT Tunstall. She's not as bad as Colbie Caillat, my own personal scourge, but she's still pretty bad.

So I got two ultra-fab voicemails from Mike yesterday. The first: "Hey, I was just calling to say hi, because I was doing the dishes this morning, and I found some old meat in the sink, and it made me think of you, so...give me a call back!" The second: "Hey, you rancid slut, what're you doing? Working? Come over after work and bring beer!" As tempting as the latter message was, I did not go over to his house at 10:45 last night with a case of Bud Light. I didn't even call him back. Take that! But we're supposed to hang out tonight, so I think we can include a case of beer in this evening's activities. I also talked to Sarah last night, and she was like, "Are you still working at Bath & Body Works? How the hell do you do that?" (Except she didn't say "hell," because she's a good Catholic girl.) Oh, it isn't easy, my friend, and I sure do need a week off. From both jobs. To do other important things, like sleep, open a savings account, get an oil change, put the process of getting a passport into motion, do laundry, play with Charles, read the Iliad, watch Netflix flicks and Brandi Carlile youtube videos, and sleep. Oh my god, that sounds amazing. Okay, after the next catalog cycle ends, I am taking a vacation! Wee!

Cielo y mar

That stupid crush was--as they always are--even stupider than I wanted to think it was.

It's sad, but true.

I hate working late. I would like to take this opportunity to blame Eric Gagne for the fact that I didn't leave Bath & Body Works until 12:15 this morning. Frickin' Gagne. I did, however, keep myself entertained by singing the best songs from The Little Mermaid and making Abbie crazy.

All you're going to be is one of the next bitches.

I get these fits where I just keep skipping everything iTunes plays even if I, like, love the song. Next, next, next, neeeeeeexxxxxxxxtttttttt. Until, of course, iTunes picks the one girl in all the world I cannot skip. Sometimes that takes a long time; sometimes it takes half a second. Oh, iTunes, you are so fickle.

And that's what would have happened if I'd invented the finglonger.

Handbrake is the greatest program ever written, people. I have ripped almost all my Futurama DVDs onto my iMac, and it was so easy! I can't believe I was so violently anti-Mac less than a year ago. I just wish I had, like, a 12TB hard drive so I could rip all of my DVDs onto it. I love the idea of being able to watch whatever you want whenever you want just by pointing a remote at your computer. No need to get up and put in discs! No need to figure out which box and which disc the time skips episode of Futurama is on. I am so lazy!

You didn't tell me you were taking me to a gay bar!

Mike and I went to the one gay bar in all of New Hampshire on Saturday for the first time in, like, two months, and we had such fun. We drank Bud Lights, didn't talk to anyone but the bartenders, and made fun of people all night long. That's the reason we go there in the first place, to make fun of all the gays trying too hard. And the unfortunate-looking people. Because Mike and I are the hottest, coolest, smartest gay people in New Hampshire. Just so you know. Also, we played pool, and I finally kicked his ass! Twice. Is that ice? Hi-yah!

Ahem. No, I mean, we do make fun of people, and we're jackasses, but I mean, I imagine people make fun of us too, so I don't really feel bad about it. We also spent some of the night making fun of each other. If you can't laugh at yourself (and other people!), then what is the point of anything?

Now I would like to take this opportunity to bemoan the state of the gay community in New Hampshire. The people who go out, anyway, are all...eeesh. I was in the bathroom at one point, and all the girls in there were dressed like little baby gangstas, talking about how they did too many drugs in high school to remember anything and how they didn't even graduate, and one of them had a baby, and I don't think any of them were even wearing "You can serve me alcohol" wristbands. That just made me sick. Druggies and dropouts and teenage moms. Come on! I know shit happens, but why can't you finish high school? And if you didn't finish high school, why would you go around bragging about it? Wouldn't you at least get your GED so you could get a job?

Even the girls who aren't bragging about dropping out of high school and being high all the time still dress like little gansters and pop their collars and generally make me unable to look at them. Where are the lesbians who wear flannel shirts and boys' t-shirts and clothes that fit??? This is why I only fall for straight girls. And also why I need to get out of New Hampshire. Which sucks because I like it here. And I don't do well with change--though I have gotten much better about that since my sophomore year of college.

Oh! Also? The one gay bar in all of New Hampshire attracts the ugliest drag queens I have ever seen. Nothing like Patrick Swayze.

Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!

Mike won't see Sweeney Todd with me because he is a wuss. I did not know this. I mean, he made me watch Silent Hill, which totally fuckin' freaked me out, and he can't go see Sweeney Todd? Jess! When are we going to see it? He also had issues with Kill Bill, the violence of which is so over the top, I can't believe it would bother anyone. My mom loved Kill Bill, and she does not go for that crap. I don't go for that crap either, but seriously, watching Lucy Liu scamper across the table to wallop that guy's head off was one of the most amazing movie experiences of my life. That is part of the reason that Cashmere Mafia makes me sad. The other part is, of course, the dicking around they're doing with this lesbian storyline. Stupid network television. No one's ever a lesbian for more than six episodes.

Now I get why award shows are important:

Tina Fey SAG Awards
Uploaded by worldhappiness

How mother-fucking amazing is that woman? (Thanks to afterellen.com for that bit of beautifulness.) I also like how Chandra Wilson and Jane Krakowski both seem so excited for Ms. Fey. Beautiful.

Take it away

First! An important internet poll: tattoos--hot or not?

Second! I hate working on holidays!

Third! That Patriots game was ugly, and Tom Brady had better well stop playing like he thinks he's Drew Bledsoe, as Martha's bf Adam so aptly noted.

My dad said if the Giants won yesterday, he was going to find some way to Arizona. I don't really think that's true, but I kind of really hope it is, because I would totally make him take me with him.

I love Wes Welker--he's so tiny compared to everyone else on the team. Like tiny, little Dustin Pedroia. So cute. So good at sports. (I'm still gay, shut up.)

My favorite thing about my new computer (one of my favorite things, anyway) is this Front Row thing, which allows you to access your entire media library with a remote, so you can play music or watch an episode of 30 Rock or a movie without even having to sit down at the computer. It's like the iMac is a tv. Now I want to rip all my DVDs even more than I did before, but I will run out of hard drive space so fast. Then I'd have this entire media library right at my fingertips; I could watch movies without having to put a DVD into anything. It would be so cool! Like I live in the future! Instead of the past, which is where I frequently find myself.

Friday Night Lights kind of sucks this season, and that is making me sad. All the other good television has come to an end, and that is super sad. I have so much nothing to watch that I actually watched the first two episodes of season 5 of The L-Word, and they were not good. Bah.

I don't know why I continue to own the soundtrack to the movie version of Rent.

The movie poster for The Eye, that remake of a Japanese horror movie starring Jessica Alba (...right), is even more horrifying than the poster for whatever that other one was I found terrifying, about your cell phone killing you or whatever. One Missed Call! Anyway, The Eye's poster has a close-up of a pair of eyes (actually Jessica Alba's? I cannot tell) with a hand coming out over the bottom lid of the left-hand eye. So. Creepy. That is another movie I shall never seen in a billion, trillion years.

What a disjointed blog entry. I apologize. My brain is on the fritz. I need a nap. And a blanket. It's freezing in here.

Don't make me get the hose!

There is a man at work who looks like Bob Hoskins! Or as I like to refer to him, Mr. Smee! I am well aware that Bob Hoskins has been in many a film, but for me, he will always be Mr. Smee, in the best Peter Pan movie ever: Hook.

"I've just had an apostrophe."
"I think you mean an epiphany."
"No. ... Lightning has just struck my brain."

If anyone had cared to ask my opinion, I would have suggested him for the role of Professor Slughorn in Half-Blood Prince, but no one did, so Jim Broadbent got the job. He does have experience playing a professor, anyway.

I don't know if you noticed, but I have rather unrefined taste in films. The last Oscar-nominated movie I saw, I think, was Chicago. I don't want films that make me, like, think. I don't want films that scare me or make me sad. I want films to entertain me. If I wanted to be, like, moved or to feel any kind of emotion, I would read a book. And I do. I read books frequently. Although, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire may have made me cry--shut up, it's awful when Harry drags Cedric's body back to Hogwarts, and his dad starts freaking out. More moving, though, is when Dumbledore says, "Cedric Diggory's death will not have been in vain." I think that's the part that made actual tears come. I am such a wuss. Okay, no wait, Brokeback won some Oscars, didn't it? And that made me sad and made me think and moved me. But guess what! It was based on a short story. Which I totally read first. So that was definitely the last serious film I saw, and I totally only saw it because I love the gays. (And I totally only read the story in preparation for seeing the movie. Whatever.)

The last movie I watched was Shrek 3. There was nothing intelligent about that film, but it entertained the crap out of me. Not as good as Shrek 2, but better than Shrek. I still have not read the story that served as the basis for these films (by William Steig), but I plan to. Some day. For now, I just bought myself a whole mess of books with my jar of change money (as an early Christmas present), and I've already plowed through two of them. Only three left! Okay, so I guess five isn't really "a whole mess," but it's more than I usually buy at once. And I imagine some family member or other (who I shall love forever) will be bestowing a Barnes & Noble gift card upon me this holiday season, and so I will be able to really buy a whole mess of books. I still haven't finished with Flannery or Homer, but they are slow going, y'all. Speaking of Homer, The Simpsons Movie comes out on DVD tomorrow! Another early Christmas present to myself? Or shall I ask someone to buy it for me? Decisions, decisions.

"He's not Spider Pig anymore. He's Harry Plopper."

I have bought Christmas gifts for my brothers and for Mike. Really, that just leaves my parents, since my other friends and I don't do Christmas presents (thank god, because I am the worst at picking out things for other people). My parents are impossible to shop for, so I usually just make my dad a batch of his favorite cookies and take them to his place on Christmas morning, but my mom doesn't like cookies--or baked goods of any kind--so I'm stuck. She said she wanted a yoga mat and a yoga video, and that means I actually have to go and look for these things, because I don't know where yoga paraphernalia hang out. (Is paraphernalia plural? It looks plural, but it sounds like one of those collective nouns--information, family, data--that we treat as singular in American English. Oh, whatever. I just bored myself.) The stores I frequent do not seem to carry yoga-related things--but the stores I frequent are Bath & Body Works (because they entice me there with the promise of a whopping $8 per hour of my time!) and Barnes & Noble. And Petsmart. Which reminds me! I am out of dry kitten food. And apparently, the cat needs to eat, like, every day. So needy.

Oh! "The Heartache Can Wait" is officially released on iTunes tomorrow, and even though I already ganked the mp3, I'll buy it. I am merely borrowing this unauthorized mp3 until I can get my hands on the legit copy, because, um, it's been, like, three weeks since they recorded it, and I could not have waited that long. But I will happily fork over my dollar, because this song--and supporting the band in any way I can--is totally worth it. I really wish I were going on one of those cruises in February. Jess would have come with me if we could have swung it. But she's spending her money on a trip to Texas, and I want to buy a new computer. Or a new car. Or maybe just a new iPod. (I don't need a new iPod, but I have such an issue resisting new and shiny things.)

Jess loves it when people talk about her, so I don't think she'll mind my reposting a facebook comment she left me here:

"I just watched that Turpentine vid, and I have several comments:
1) Brandi's eyes look incredible in that vid. The way they did the lighting or something.... but yeah, good job!
2) Ewwww! Why is she with a BOY! For some reason this vid disturbs me a bit.... I mean, a BOY!? WTF!? It would have been better if it were a girl.
3) Despite the fact that it's a boy (ahhhhh, a boy! I don't verk vit da males, 'cause I usedta BE one!), I found the ending incredibly adorable."

Other than the absence of a vest comment, it's pretty much exactly what I thought when I first watched it. And instead of a Mean Girls quote, she serves up a Mrs. Doubtfire quote, which is almost as good. You should hear Jess do that line, too--she's almost as good as Robin Williams. She's a comedic genius. Anyway, then I told her the song was about Brandi's brother, and she decided it was okay that there was a boy in the video. You should also hear her sing "Follow"--amazing. Heh. Although, if you were in the Orpheum lobby before the show, you probably did hear her, because she would not stop.

I hope that when I go home, I find that At World's End and Order of the Phoenix are waiting for me, because I don't have to work tonight, and a night of movies and kitten-cuddling sounds like bliss.

Geektastic!

I don't think I can even begin to tell you how happy it makes me the iTunes will organize albums by the year they were released, so I won't try. But seriously. It makes me so happy.

Long ago, I downloaded a beautiful program for mp3 editing so I could separate "Hiding My Heart" from "Again Today" and listen to it over and over again. Then I did it for the millions of other songs I have with secret songs at the end of them, although the only ones I can think of now are that a capella song at the end of Jagged Little Pill and the song attached to "Let Me In." Which reminds me! I should separate "Big Yellow Taxi" from "Holiday in Spain." I loved the Counting Crows' cover of "Big Yellow Taxi" until they wouldn't stop playing it on the radio. So thank god, y'all, that Brandi Carlile never gets any radio airplay anywhere in the greater Boston area, or else I might hate "The Story." BOS and the River used to play her, but I don't think they do at all anymore.

I almost forgot how much I love Margaret Cho until the other night when Carlos sent me the best text message of December 2007: "Have you come down with beaver fever?" This morning, he sent over, "I can't come when you fuck me!" which is really only funny if you've heard her say it. So I sent back "Do I have to EAT YOUR ASS to get you to mow the lawn?" How wildly inappropriate. Love it. I want to rush home and watch all her DVDs, but (maybe you heard?) I have to effing work tonight.

I have more reservations than I can tell you about this Prince Caspian film, but I just watched the trailer for it, and holy shit, it looks amazing. They clearly, clearly had their way with it to make it more exciting, but I don't know that I even care, because those four kids are the most perfect Pevensies, y'all, and Walden Media has done the best job ever of creating the world of Narnia. I am still mad that Caspian is twenty-five and swarthy, that Susan is apparently fighting in battles, and that there even is a battle in the first place, but whatever. It is sure to at least be entertaining. And if a movie ever did everything the way it was supposed to, what ever would I talk about?

Now, let's talk about this issue some more: the girls, Susan especially, participating in the fighting. On the one hand, I do enjoy that they're getting a bigger part in the story, but on the other, they don't fight, dude. Susan never fights in her life, and Lucy doesn't until she's much older, when she goes with Edmund to Archenland to defeat the invading Calormenes. But that's, like, the only positive character trait C.S. Lewis gives to Susan: she hates violence and killing--and the rotter here, y'all, is that he doesn't even spin it positively--he implies that it makes her weak and possibly even vain, when I, now, find much to be admired in the fact that she won't shoot to kill, despite her skill with a bow. Okay, everything else I want to say I have said before, so I'll just shut up now.

A random exercise

Top 8 Most Played Songs in My iTunes (non-repeating artists)
1. Closer to You - Brandi Carlile (Not actually my favorite Brandi Carlile song, but it is the one I've been listening to the most. Um, clearly.)
2. Don't Waste Your Time - Kelly Clarkson (I don't even know why, since this isn't even my favorite song from My December)
3. I've Just Seen a Face - The Beatles
4. You Picked Me - A Fine Frenzy
5. A Case of You - Joni Mitchell
6. Fireworks - from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
7. If It Were Up to Me - Rooney
8. Rock and Roll Heaven's Gate - Indigo Girls

Other than the Brandi Carlile and the Kelly Clarkson, these kind of surprised me. While we're talking about iTunes, though, can I just tell you my new favorite thing about it? I have discovered (belatedly) that you can sort your songs/albums by something different than the display song/artist/album. So, for example, all my Brandi Carlile songs display "Brandi Carlile" as the artist, but they're sorted as "Carlile, Brandi," so that you have to go to the C section to find her. I did that with all of my artists who go by their first and last names. It took forever, but it made me so happy that I kept going with it. Ever since I started loading my music onto my computer, way back when the internet was first invented (um, or 1999), it's bugged me that the songs, if you had them ordered alphabetically by artist, would be arranged by the artist's first name, unless you changed the file info to the "Carlile, Brandi" crap. That's why iTunes is so amazing! She displays as "Brandi Carlile," but she's sorted as "Carlile, Brandi!" Just like my actual CD collection. Ryan Adams is in the As, Alanis is in the Ms, Ben Folds is in the Fs, Lisa Loeb is in a different place in the Ls--it's beautiful.

Gah!

Brandi Carlile and some stupid iTunes widget caused my iTunes library to explode, which means I just lost my playlists, the playcount record of 75% of my songs, and the ratings for those songs as well. That re-sorting by last name thing, though--it held onto that, because that's actually file information. So, I guess that's good. But this is wicked annoying. Fortunately, I have an exact replica of this library on my laptop. So... I'll fix it tomorrow, because I can't handle an incomplete library.

I still can't figure out the lyrics to "I Write These Words" or "Love Songs"--or the beginning of "How These Days Grow Long." I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually say something about "a tin can for the road," but that's the best I can do. Clearly, I need to see this girl in concert as soon as possible. Next Friday can't come fucking fast enough.

Apple is bad for my impulse-control

You guys. You have no idea how bad I want an iPod Touch. You can download songs from iTunes directly on it. And watch YouTube videos! So I wouldn't have to find some nerdhack to save YouTube videos as files and then sync them to my iPod, which I would have done a million years ago, if my stupid computer wasn't as slow as molasses in January. (How's that for a folksy simile?) But as long as iPod Touch's largest capacity is 16GB, I have no use for it. Seriously. I just found out that I have 19GB of free space left on my 80GB iPod, which means I'm actually using 55GB (because of formatting and whatever). So I couldn't even put all of my music on an iPod Touch, never mind any of the video I have. So what the eff? I need at least 60GB for an iPod, y'all--especially a video-playing iPod. I would prefer 80. When is that going to happen, iPod Touch? Probably not soon enough to stop me from buying a 160GB iPod Classic. 160GB! That's the hard drive on a MacBook! I could never use up the space on that. Never. Or at least not before Apple created the terabyte iPod. Christ.

The things I think about while reading catalog pages

Here's another dilemma I'm having: iMac or MacBook? Both have been recently redone and are shiny and new, but the iMac is shinier and newer, and I'd get a bigger screen and a bigger hard drive and all that good stuff. But I really like my laptop. The laptop aspect of it, anyway. When I'm at home, I like to do my computer business on my bed. (And not just the porn-watching. Is that gross? Should girls not joke about watching porn? Fuck you.) No, really, I like portability. But the MacBook costs exactly the same as the iMac I want, and I get a lot less, screen size, hard drive, processor wise. You know? Is the portability enough to outweigh that? Do I really need a 250GB hard drive? My current laptop's drive is 60GB--that is smaller than my iPod, people. So I'd get a 160GB drive, plus the 80GB external I have already, and that would be enough. Okay. But here's my real problem with the MacBook: its screen is so tiny. My Dell's screen is 17". The display I have at work is 20". Am I going to be able to take the downgrade? I think I'll have to go to an Apple store to find out.

I would buy a 15" PowerBook, but that's two grand. Eff that.

Some people call me Maurice

My iTunes' favorite song is "The Joker/Everything I Own" by Jason Mraz and Chrissie Hynde, and I kind of can't blame it, but really. I've never told it to play this song, and it's played it seven times. It's closer to the bottom of the most-played list, because I spent all of July unable to stop listening to Kelly Clarkson, so her songs are in the 60s and 70s on number of spins, but when I give iTunes its head and let it go crazy, it always seems to play that song.

Also, how should I punctuate the possessive form of iTunes? The word iTunes itself must be plural, but it's only referring to one thing. So should it be iTunes's? I'm having a crisis. Oh, whatever, it has more than one syllable, so I could drop the possessive s anyway. iTunes' is easier to say. Sigh.

Okay, so I have an uncontrollable crush on Brandi Carlile, like really. A lot of pictures of this girl don't do her justice, because she is breathtaking in person. That is the picture that inspired this babbling session, though--she's beautiful, no? If you disagree, we're not friends.

This crush is almost as bad as the one I have on Kelly Clarkson. Actually, I think it might be worse, because it's newer. And because, while Kelly Clarkson has canceled her tour this summer, I am going to see Ms. Carlile not once, but twice in the next three months. So, sorry, Kelly. I love you to pieces, but Brandi is actually gay (I'm pretty sure), and she's touring like a mofo. I saw her in May already, and I'm gonna see her a week from Tuesday, and then Jess and I are going to see her in October. I can't stop freaking out about it!

I may also be trying to distract myself from the fact that I was supposed to see Kelly Clarkson at the Garden tomorrow night. Oh, I am sad. But I have Brandi. And the Indigo Girls.

Sometimes, I think I want to have a kid just so I can share with him or her all my favorite children's books (and films and television programs--but mostly books). And so I could decorate his/her room with posters depicting my favorite children's books. Is that a weird reason to want to have a kid? I mean, I would take care of it and love it and everything, even when it wasn't listening to my favorite children's books. But, whatever. I don't really want to have a kid, not for, like, ten years anyway.

And now! My list of the best children's books ever (read-aloud edition)
Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Frederick, Alexander and the Wind-Up Mouse, and Swimmy by Leo Lioni
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
Where the Sidewalk Ends, A Light in the Attic, and The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein
The Story About Ping by Marjorie Flack
Make Way for Ducklings by Robert McCloskey
A Sound Like Someone Trying Not to Make a Sound by John Irving
The Lorax, Green Eggs & Ham, Horton Hears a Who, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and many others by Dr. Seuss
A My Name Is Alice by Jane E. Bayer
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst

There are many other fantastic children's books, but those are my faves.

Queer Apple

Well, here's another thing that's turning me slowly to the Dark Side. Apple loves the gays. iTunes has a playlist for Gay Pride Month, and it's officially iTunes--it's one of their iTunes Essentials things. For the gays. Come on now. Apple loves the environment and the gays, and this Mac Pro is so way better than my stupid Dell. And I hate Windows. And I've never loved an inanimate object more than I love my iPod. So that's it! I'm buying an iMac as soon as I can afford it.