Think twice

Okay, let’s talk about some things barely worth talking about. (Doesn’t that make you want to keep reading?) First of all, Idol Gives Back makes me want to hurl. Mostly because cheesy pop songs are never actually inspirational. Those clips they show of the judges visiting the impoverished areas the charities are supposed to help are totally emotionally manipulative, but they are also a hell of a lot more inspiring than “Angels” or “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” I don’t know—it’s all a big stunt, and the fact that ExxonMobil, which is like a direct cause of many of these problems, is a sponsor makes me get all frothy at the mouth and unable to see out of my left eye. But whatever! That’s not really the point of this story.

The point is this: since the big show is tonight, voting results are Thursday, which I think is what happened last year too. And last year they faked out those trembling childrens, going through the whole rigmarole, only to reveal that no one was going home after the big charity event. Which makes me think the exact same thing shall happen this year. But what if they kept the kids in suspense for a full extra 24 hours, probably thinking everyone would be safe after caring and giving night, and then Ryan sends Michael Johns home? That would be superb. Especially for the extra headfuck that would come from this scenario.

Really, I don’t know why I’m still watching this show. I’ve heard rumors that Kelly Clarkson is going to be on this crapstravaganza again this year, but I can find no confirmation on Idol’s site, but that means nothing, because they don’t even have Jordin Sparks listed as appearing, and she is in one of the video clips on the Idol Gives Back main page! Frickin’ Fox. But maybe I don’t care anyway, because I’ve hit a roadblock in my imaginary relationship with her: she’s singing for the pope whenever the hell his dip-shittiness is coming to New York, and if you hadn’t quite gathered, I fiercely dislike the pope. He’s the spiritual leader of millions of people worldwide, and he preaches bigotry and intolerance. He and Kelly have Jesus in common, and I hope that’s it, but I really wish someone who isn’t even Catholic wouldn’t consider singing for this jerk an honor. I have many really intense issues with the Catholic church, and number one is it is a sexist institution. Women are not the equals of men in the church, and that is unacceptable. I could go on AT LENGTH about the other aspects of Catholicism that make me insane, but I’ll stop there, because it’s not worth it, getting myself all worked up over something that I clearly cannot change.