Teenage music critic

Ohhh, tater tots, let's talk about Kelly Clarkson's new album. Obviously, it's been leaked for at least a week (I am always the last person to find out about that), but I am dumb and always wait for the official release date. Basically so I can put the music on my iPod without even thinking about it. But anyway, Kelly!
My theory is that this will appease the people who thought My December sucked, as it's more of a return to "Since U Been Gone" form, which is what everyone's been saying, I know, but it's true. Not to say that this album is in any way Breakaway, redux (it's much better), but it's much more in that vein than My December for sure. As for me, I'm taking the sure-to-be unpopular stance and declaring it not as good as My December. Nevertheless, I already love it fiercely.

I've already been obsessed with "My Life Would Suck Without You" and how adorable she looks in the video, so we'll skip that, and I'll just talk about some standouts.

First! "I Do Not Hook Up" is fun, but it sounds like a song I've already heard, and of course I can't fucking figure out what song or even when I might have heard it (recently? in elementary school? who knows). Also, there's this line: "I fall deeply," which, um, I heard as "I fuck deeply" while I was brushing my teeth this morning, and oh. It made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

2. "Already Gone" severely bummed me out, but I think it's my favorite song, which is odd, because I hate things that make me sad. Also, being laid low by a pop song? Embarrassing. If it weren't Kelly, though, with that voice, I'd never listen to it again.

C. "Whyyawannabringmedown" is my other favorite, because it's all...wail-y and stuff. And she reminded me of Tia Carrere wailing "Ballroom Blitz" in Wayne's World so forcefully that I loved it before I'd even heard the whole thing. Like, seriously. I'm sure no one else will draw this parallel (and if anyone does, I'll ask her to marry me), but it made me so happy. Also, it features the line "I'm not your love monkey," which makes me laugh every time. I love songs that are silly by accident.

IV. The other song I love is "I Want You," which is kind of a '60s doo-wop thing that seems to be popular these days, and it kind of comes across as taking advantage of that trend, because the rest of the album is pretty pop-rockish, but I don't care. It's adorable.

Anyway, the album is nothing less than I expected, but I was trying to think if I'd like any of these songs if Kelly weren't singing them. I really don't know, maybe "My Life Would Suck Without You" and "Whyyawannabringmedown" (except the wailing is crucial to that one, and so few bitches out there can really wail), but I do know this: Kelly's voice is what makes them worth listening to for me, and it's why I will pre-order every album she releases. Even if she actually does dive off the deep-end and put out a country album. Erp.