Books of 2008

Best new book: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (runner-up: Ely and Naomi's No Kiss List)
Best re-read: The Hobbit (runner up: The Hero and the Crown)
Best book involving dragon-killing: The Hero and the Crown (runner-up: The Hobbit)
Worst new book: Twilight (might be the worst book of all time) (runner-up: Tales from Silver Lands)
Most disappointing book: Special Topics in Calamity Physics (runner up: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)
Best new (to me) author: Margaret Atwood
Best book published in 2008: Passing for Black (It might be the only book published in 2008 that I read, but it was still good!)
Best hero*: Ely, Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List
Best heroine*: Idgie Threadgood, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe
Best new lesbian book: Girl Meets Boy: The Myth of Iphis
Most wasted lesbian potential: Wicked
Total books read: 54

*New books only. These two categories were tougher than I thought they would be, because much of this year's list is rereads, and there weren't that many main characters that could compete with the main characters of the books I'd read before. I need to read more new books next year. Also, more books about boys. I love boys, but this year's list was almost entirely female-centric. (Also, by "new," I merely mean books I haven't read before.)

Criss Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins
Farewell Summer by Ray Bradbury
The Night Watch by Sarah Waters
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle
A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle
Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl
The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor
Andersen's Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Andersen
Girl Meets Boy: The Myth of Iphis by Ali Smith
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
Many Waters by Madeleine L'Engle
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
Princess on the Brink by Meg Cabot
The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood
On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
By the Shores of Silver Lake by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Shadow of the Knife by Jane Fletcher
The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley
Once Upon a Time in the North by Philip Pullman
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley
Little Town on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
These Happy Golden Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
The First Four Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder
grl2grl: Short Fictions by Julie Anne Peters
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg
The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Giver by Lois Lowry
Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry
Messenger by Lois Lowry
Passing for Black by Linda Villarosa
The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien
Beauty: A Retelling of the Story of Beauty and the Beast by Robin McKinley
Pirates! by Celia Rees
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
Witch Child by Celia Rees
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
Sorceress by Celia Rees
The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling
The Marvelous Land of Oz by L. Frank Baum
Tales from Silver Lands by Charles J. Finger
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum
Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz by L. Frank Baum

I want to shine

Okay, so since this was my favorite album of the year, and since I totally flaked on the deal that got me the album in the first place, here is my attempt at an album review. I'm sure it'll be even worse than my movie reviews. I don't like to review things; I like to highlight or detract from specific pieces of the thing. Anyway.

I don't remember when I got it, this summer, I think, and I only listened to it a few times before putting it aside for something else, and I was like, "Yeah, I like it, Amy Ray, wee," the end. I don't know. But when Carlos and I went to Florida, we were stuck without any music to listen to, because we don't travel with CDs, and I didn't have any of my iPod equipment to play it through the car, so we actually bought CDs, and since I hate stealing, I actually purchased Amy Ray's album, and we listened to it and five other discs for the whole four days, and I started to totally, totally love it. It crept past Alanis in the final days of 2008, and so it is now my favorite album of the year.

It's weird, too, because I usually prefer Emily's songs when we're talking Indigo Girls, and maybe Brandi Carlile's backing vocals had something to do with it, but I love almost every song on this album (even those she doesn't sing on, yes), with the possible exception of "Birds of a Feather." That one just falls epically flat for me. Right off the bat, I loved "Cold Shoulder" and "Who Sold the Gun," without really listening to the lyrics. The lyrics of "Who Sold the Gun" are a little...I don't know--unoriginal somehow, but I love to sing along with that one in the shower. Then, in Florida, "Stand and Deliver" started to get to me, and that was definitely partly caused by Brandi Carlile's voice, so now I also sing that one in the shower.

I like "SLC Radio" sometimes and not others, depending on my mood. Either way, I like that Amy is calling out the Mormons, kind of. I am so frickin' fed up with Mormons these days. Which reminds me, there was this girl on my plane from Baltimore to Manchester who was flying home from Salt Lake City, and some other woman was also coming from there, and she asked the girl where she went to school, and the girl said, "BYU," and I immediately groaned and cursed the fact that we were totally not at the appropriate altitude to use electronic devices, because then the girl started talking about how she was so blessed to attend BYU, and blah blah, and then she wouldn't shut up. Like, about anything, her mom, her pets, whatever. And for the most part, Mormon people seem generally, like, doofy and kind, which should be like the least inoffensive thing ever, I guess, but oh my god, people like that, who are just so shiningly wholesome make me want to kill myself. And then they also hate gay people, so there's that.

Ahem. Anyway, I really liked Didn't It Feel Kinder--it's not anything original or innovative or whatever. The songs are rock-ish-er than the Indigo Girls' stuff, but they're just as easy to listen to. And I dig them.

Woof, that was awful. I'm no good at discussing why I like music or not. Guess I won't be sending Rolling Stone my resume.

No longer a music snob, part two

Here's a horrible story: I only bought (or...otherwise obtained, ahem) nine full-length albums released this year. As opposed to the, like, nine I bought last year. One of these is a comedy album, and the other is a movie soundtrack, so we'll say seven. Seven!

Anyway, here's the order in which I like them:

Top Seven Albums of 2008
1. Didn't It Feel Kinder - Amy Ray
Favorite songs: "Who Sold the Gun," "Cold Shoulder," "Stand and Deliver," "Rabbit Foot"

2. Flavors of Entanglement - Alanis Morissette
Favorite songs: "Underneath," "Not As We," "On the Tequila"

3. Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson
Favorite songs: "The Chain," "You and I"

4. Summer Rains - The Ditty Bops
Favorite songs: "When's She Coming Home," "I Stole Your Wishes"

5. Volume One - She & Him
Favorite songs: "You Really Got a Hold on Me," "Black Hole"

6. Way to Normal - Ben Folds
Favorite songs: "You Don't Know Me" (with Regina Spektor), "Effington"

7. Weezer (Red Album) - Weezer
Favorite songs: "Pork and Beans," "Everybody Get Dangerous"

A lady-heavy list, indeed, including three lesbians, and the efforts from the boys I did not enjoy as much as I hoped I would. What did I miss this year? And where have I been?

The Florida Chronicles, Part Three

So we did some other stuff around Tampa, too, including going to see some real live manatees at Apollo Betch and visiting two Gulf Coast beaches. Mostly, it was just fun to get out of New England and to hang out with the Potato.
Anyway, the other best part of this trip came on our last night there when we were driving home from the beach. We drove through this intersection where there'd been an accident, and then Carlos looked up and said, "Huh. O'Boobigan's!" He had found an Irish pub called O'Boobigan's. Since it was dark and stuff, we decided to return in the morning for a photo op:
Then we went to the beach one last time before dragging ourselves to the airport. We drove by Raymond James again, where the Buccs game was just getting underway, and oh how we wanted to snag some tickets from the scalpers at the strip club and forget our flights. Plus, getting home was a mess for both of us, and I got home right after the giant snow storm ended. Boo.
Other things: our rental car was from Missouri, and I wish I had remembered to take a picture. Hertz charged us an extra hundred bucks for being under 25, which is just painful, because we're almost 25! Boo. I was the driver, and Tater was the navigator, and I must say, while I generally loathe automatic transmission, it was nice not to have to worry about shifting when I wasn't sure where I was going.

It was a good vacation. I would like to go back, except I think I'd like to go to Disney World again more. But Disney World is fucking expensive. Oh well. Disney World or Hawaii. Who's in?

If you're so inclined, you can see all my Florida pictures here.

The Florida Chronicles, Part Two

Okay. I gotta tell you about the Holy Land Experience. It's this Crazy Christian theme park of sorts in Orlando, and if you're coming from the west, you have to drive past all the Disney World and Universal exits, and can you even imagine being a kid and wanting to go to Disney World and having your parents drag you to the Holy Land Experience instead? Because Disney World is too godless? (Heh, I made that up--the Crazy Christians probably hit Disney World AND the Holy Land Experience, but oh man, it is such a depressing place compared to Disney World and Universal.)
Anyway, so yes. Crazy Christians. Apparently, people come from all over the continent to see this place--there were nutbags from Alberta, Canada, and I had never even seen an Alberta license plate before, and I've, like, driven around in Canada (yeah, so my driving area was confined to, like, an hour from the New York border, but whatever--still closer to Alberta than Florida!). Anyway, for all this it was kind of disappointing, but only because I was hoping it would be more absurd, but as far as Crazy Christian projects go this one was pretty even-keeled. I guess it's supposed to be, like, 66 A.D. Jerusalem, and there were various ancient-type buildings and people milling about in period dress. Also, statues of Roman centurions everywhere. I don't know why I found that odd, because, you know, Rome occupied that area at that time, but they were totally everywhere, these statues.
My favorite parts were the Crazy Christians in attendance (more on them in a bit) and the kiddie area, which featured Moses parting the Red Sea:
The whale that swallowed poor Jonah:
And Jesus walking on water:
This was the kind of absurdity I was hoping for in the whole park, but I guess they only crazied out for the young believers.
Okay, now onto the Crazy Christians themselves. There's this building there called the Scriptorium that features a tour of the evolution of the written Bible, and I guess curiosity got the best of us, because we waited in line for it, and while we were waiting one of the women who worked there was talking to this Christian fellow about all the snow that's happening--and about how it apparently snowed in Las Vegas and Los Angeles, and the man smirked, "Global warming, right?" which made Carlos and me roll our eyes at each other, and then the woman said, "God's obviously trying to get our attention," and I muttered, "Yeah, he'd like you to stop ruining this lovely planet he gave you," but no one heard me, which was probably for the best. And I don't know how, exactly, we got involved in this conversation, but the woman was like, "God will do whatever he wants to get our attention. Do you believe that?" And Carlos just said, "It's crazy," but he sure was not talking about the snow in Vegas.

Then, later, we were in a gift shop, and there was a fellow who was talking up this tallis, trying to sell it, and Carlos noticed he was holding it upside down, but he refrained from saying anything until the fellow actually came up to us, and Carlos, bless him, couldn't help himself and said, "You're holding it upside down." The man insisted he was not, but Carlos stood firm, and so the man just asked him if he had a tallis, and Carlos said no, he didn't have cause to use one much, and the man got all wise, like, "How can you not have one, but not use it much?" So Carlos explained that they keep tallisim in the synagogues for services, and the guy asked if he was a Messianic Jew, and Carlos said, "No, just regular type." Actually, he said that to me later, and we both giggled about it--what he really said to the guy was that he was just Jewish, and the guy was like, "Prove it! Read this!" So Carlos took the tallis from him, flipped it the right way up, and translated the Hebrew. While that exchange was a little awkward, it was still fun, because it involved schooling a Crazy Christian. And this: "Are you a Messianic Jew?" "Nope. Just regular type."

Okay, so. The Scriptorium itself was a big load, yo. It was so cheesy, all about how the Bible was first written down and transported and then translated and copied and all the attempts to destroy it and prevent it from being translated into the vernacular, and blah blah, all the crap Carlos and I already knew from going to a Catholic college, where we were required to take four semesters of the development of western civilization. But the thing that got to me was the dramatic narrator's insistence that through all this copying and translating and strife, the words of the Bible stayed entirely accurate, and that is just god damn impossible. First, the old stories, like those in Genesis, for sure, started out as oral tradition before finally getting copied down, and it is impossible to retell a story orally without changing it. Second, seriously, how many times has the Bible been copied out and translated, and you're telling me no one's made a significant mistake? Please. And then you get some monastic scribe copying the book of Judges or whatever, and he sees something he thinks is a mistake, so he corrects it, but what if it wasn't really a mistake?

I guess the Holy Ghost is supposed to keep the message pure, working through these scribes to inspire them to get God's word down right, or whatever, but come on. The Holy Ghost is useless these days, running around with a sheet over his head like he's in an episode of Scooby Doo. The Holy Ghost did not prevent inaccuracies in the Bible, just like he did not make the Catholic Church infallible. Just think of how many competing translations of the Bible we have right now--how did that happen, huh? If the Bible's message stayed pure through these thousands of years, how come the Christians and Jews can't agree on things? How come the Christians or the Jews can't agree amongst themselves?

But the thing about being in a place like this is that you are surrounded by people who totally and utterly believe this shit, and even with my Catholic school background, I was staggered by seeing this. (I guess because Catholics don't traditionally put a big emphasis on Bible-reading like the Protestants do.) There were people on this tour who were on the verge of, like, praising the lord for making sure his word was passed on, and I just had to laugh. Quietly. Behind my hand. I mean, this is all a bunch of crap, obviously, how the myths of one culture could possibly be the ultimate truth for all peoples, but I didn't feel the need to be rude, since no one was at that time advocating preventing me from gaining equal civil rights.

Anyway, I was just baffled by all this. I was always aware that millions of people think the Bible is, like, the only truth on earth or whatever, but I guess I was never actually confronted with it, face to face. I did not enjoy it, except to just laugh at the absurdity of it.

I kind of wish we'd gone to Disney World.

Next on The Florida Chronicles: manatees, beaches, and O'Boobigan's!

The Florida Chronicles, Part One

Since the rest of our friends are lame, Carlos and I jetted away on our own private vacation this weekend and spent four days bummin' around the Tampa Bay area. We saw feesh and manatees and crazy Christians, and we went to the beach 3 times! Also, they have good fuckin' food around Tampa: we had Thai, Greek, Indian, and exotic fast food, by which I mean Steak 'n Shake and Sonic. (Oh man, you guys, Steak 'n Shake is SO GOOD.)
Okay, so on Thursday, we explored downtown St. Petersburg a little, and then we drove around looking for a place to buy CDs, since I did not bring my iPod equipment, and the radio stations were dismal. We also had to find a place for Carlos to buy flip-flops since they apparently do not sell them in El Paso in December. It was not the most exciting of nights, but we made our own fun.
Then on Friday we went to the Florida Aquarium, which was quite lovely, but somehow not as exciting as the New England Aquarium. Maybe I'm just biased, but every aquarium I've been to has paled in comparison to the New England Aquarium, but I think the Florida one comes in second.
After that, we had some totally awesome Thai food and then went on a search for the places Carlos lived in when he was small, and then we went to Davis Island to take some pictures and see the water. We did a lotta driving, and the Tampa area is really quite lovely, and I could almost want to live there, except I don't think I could ever really leave the Northeast, horrible snowstorms and all. Also, Florida is one of the states that passed gay marriage bans, so fuck you, Florida.
Ahem. We took some night pictures in Tampa and accidentally ended up at a bum congregation area after dark trying to get pictures of some of the lit up buildings. Erp. But we escaped!
Part two, featuring the Holy Land Experience, tomorrow. That madness needs its own post.

Favorite Christmas songs

All the cool kids like to bitch about how cheesy and awful and goddamn annoying Christmas music is, and that's true when you're in the mall, but now that I'm no longer forced to listen to it, I love Christmas music again. My favorites are the ones that have little to do with Jesus, because I'm a heathen, but despite the fact that I have no use for Christianity (or religion of any kind), I still do love the traditional songs, because they're familiar, and some of them are quite lovely. And if you look at the story of the birth of Jesus as what it is--a myth--then, you know, it's kind of a sweet story.

But anyway, this is not about Christianity, this is about my top five favorite Christmas songs:
5. What Child Is This? - as sung by Sarah McLachlan
4. River - Joni Mitchell
3. What's This? - from The Nightmare Before Christmas
2. Spotlight on Christmas - Rufus Wainwright
1. Welcome Christmas - from How the Grinch Stole Christmas

How do you feel about Christmas music, internet?

Preach it

"But if nothing else, we can all look forward to the guest appearance of Lucy Lawless in the final season of the show. Chaiken may not ultimately deliver the peace, love and understanding that some L Word viewers may be seeking as the series draws to a close, but it’s hard to find fault with the decision to invite Xena to join the cast of the most infamous lesbian program in the history of television." --Karman Kregloe, AfterEllen

Now where's Gabrielle?

Wisdom

Oh man, I got the best fortune cookie yesterday. It was actually a fortune! It said, "You need to forgive that person today. Just believe me."

"Just believe me," like the fortune cookie is alive. That's some pretty sweet anthropomorphizing there.

Except, who do I forgive?

A forest grew

Okay. I need to talk about this. Last night, Mike IMed me to tell me that a live-action, feature-length film of Where the Wild Things Are is in production, and he said something like, "This might be pretty cool if they don't eff it up."

Let me tell you, people, Where the Wild Things Are is one of my very favorite books, children's literature or otherwise, and the point of it is its illustrations and its very simple story. Seriously, the book contains about ten full sentences. So I said, "How could they not eff it up?" I immediately figured it would be just like when Jim Carrey and co. shit all over How the Grinch Stole Christmas, bloating the hell out of it so that it would fill up an hour and twenty minutes.

But then I looked at the people involved in this film, and I became utterly conflicted. For one thing, Maurice Sendak is credited as a producer, so he must be involved somehow or other. Then, Spike Jonze is directing, and he co-wrote the screenplay with Dave Eggers. Dave Eggers! That bastard knows how to tell a story. And then! The thing that got me almost on board with this mess: Catherine Keener and Catherine O'Hara are appearing in this movie. Well, Catherine O'Hara is doing a voice, presumably for a wild thing, and Catherine Keener is credited as Connie, who is maybe Max's mother? I don't know. Either way. Catherine Keener and Catherine O'Hara. Also, Lauren Ambrose and James Gandolfini. What?

There are some good people attached to this film, but then the article said that they'd had to do a bunch of reshoots because test audiences of small children were fleeing the theater in terror, which sounds like a pretty good adaptation of this book to me. I mean, these are some pretty fierce monsters, rolling their terrible eyes and gnashing their terrible teeth until Max tames them with a magic trick. They're scary beasts, but as a kid you're never actually afraid because Max, in his wolf suit, is fearless and totally in control of the wild things. He even sends them to bed without their supper! So it would be interesting if the monsters were actually scary in the film. But obviously, the people making this movie want the small children to like it.

Also, how are they going to render the wild things? They can't CGI Sendak's illustrations. I guess I'm more intrigued than irritated by the idea of a live-action rendering of such perfect illustrations, so that's good. For now.

I don't know what to think. I guess I'll have to wait till October and see for myself.

Why I don't feel optimistic about enjoying The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Why I won't "call in gay"

Look, shirking work for a charitable cause is not a bad idea, per se, but ditching work and refusing to buy anything in the hopes that the country will notice that a lot its citizens are gay seems weak and petty to me. I'll leave that as my opinion, because the thing here is that we cannot change anything overnight. One day of not working and not buying anything might make some people say, "Huh. Somethin' weird's going on." I don't think anyone is going to say, "Gosh, we'd better give these queers their rights because they have such a vital impact on the economy," especially because on Thursday, everything will be right back to normal.

The way I see it, if we choose to withdraw from society, society will find a way to get along without us--in fact, there are plenty of people who would prefer that, don't you think? Sure, we'll be missed for a little while, but there are plenty of people, especially now, to take our places in the workforce. And then we'll be the ones who are fucked, alienated and more on the fringes than ever before. I'm not saying that this is what "Day without a Gay" is advocating, but it is what it's symbolizing--removing ourselves from society. But we don't want to be separate--that's why we're so mad about the passing of Proposition Eight, why we want marriage, not civil unions, because we are not separate. We want inclusion, equal rights, responsibilities, and privileges, so why would we voluntarily withdraw ourselves? This day is symbolic, because it won't actually change anything, so why do we want our symbolic gesture to be removal of ourselves from the rest of society? That's poisonous.

What will cause change--gradually, unfortunately--is making sure the people who would deny us our rights know we're not going anywhere, know that we're their neighbors, their daughters, their nephews, their teachers, their doctors, their soccer coaches, their elected officials. That's how they'll realize how many of us there really are--if we just keep telling them and refusing to back down.

Our best weapon against ignorance and bigotry is coming out. I know it's hard, and it's awkward, and it's uncomfortable, and there's a very real possibility of negative consequences, but in the end, it's the only way to fix this. Do what you can to make sure everyone knows that we are here; we are queer; we are not going anywhere, even for one single day.

Comedy is the only way to deal with this

I had this as the video of the moment in the sidebar over there, but then I decided I wanted to talk about it. Plus, it's better enjoyed full-size, and this way I can keep Tina the Bookaneer on my blog forever.

So, this video features Margaret Cho and Doogie Howser, but they are not the best parts. Oh no. No, no, no. Maya Rudolph! Allison Janney! Hello, awesome and criminally underrated. Allison Janney is always the best part of whatever she's in, and this time was the best time of all, because when Doogie Howser started singing, he pointed to her when he said "lesbian." Yup. Allison Janney is a fictional (albeit closeted) lesbian!

Seeing things

I just saw an ad for a Heather Locklear Liftetime original movie, and it totally looked like the poster said the title of this film was Flirting with Farty, which, um, what could be awesomer?

Unfortunately, it's Flirting with Forty, and I either need to get more sleep or make that eye doctor appointment right quick.
Oh, excuse me; apparently it's Flirting w/ Forty, which is just ridiculous. Yes, more ridiculous than Flirting with Farty, shut up.