Emily Saliers

And now we're talking about a difficult thing
and your eyes are getting wet
but I took us for better
and I took us for worse
and don't you ever forget it

Equal parts horrifying and hilarious

"Blair is wearing a cape, with a little black velvet twist at the throat, and looks more than ever like the headmistress of a shady Home for Victorian Waifs where they beat you with sticks for taking off your clothes to bathe, and sell you to a fat man when you turn fifteen. Tell me you don't think that's an ideal job for Blair Waldorf." --Jacob, Television Without Pity

"Every morning, when Alaskans wake up, one of the first things they do, is look outside to see if there are any Russians hanging around. And if there are, you gotta go up to them and ask, 'What are you doing here?' and if they can't give you a good reason, it's our responsibility to say, you know, 'Shoo! Get back over there!'" --Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, Saturday Night Live

So much better than fetch

Sarah Warn is a genius:

"I think the name 'Tina Fey' should become shorthand for smart, feminist, lesbian-inclusive behavior. As in, 'Donating money to fight Prop. 8 is so Tina Fey.'

"It could even be used in reverse — as in, 'Voting for Sarah Palin is so not Tina Fey.'"

Is it too late to move to California?

Meatballs

No, I Can't Put It in Your Butt

An ode, of sorts, to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler:

Whenever things in my life seem shitty, these betches have always, always been able to make me forget my troubles for at least a few minutes.

Standing up for Hillary Clinton, ripping apart Sarah Palin, making fun of Martians, telling fart jokes, jumping around on one leg, jumping around on one leg and farting, being hot (as above), imitating Cathy from the cartoon Cathy, the existence of the film Mean Girls, making fun of the Bush twins, gayin' it up for their legions of lady fans (as above). I could probably go on, but I will not.

This might be melodramatic or whatever, but I don't know if I could deal with the things I'll have to deal with without these betches to pick me up once in a while. They're hilarious, they're smart, they're beautiful, and there's no one like them. Also, I mean, wouldn't they make the perfect comedic lesbian couple in some movie? Tina, work your magic.

In conclusion... Pit bulls don't have wallets, dang!

Did I say dorking out yesterday? Today is so much worse.

Some days ago, Allison and I were fantasizing about having millions of dollars, and she said something about me buying an iPod for every day of the week, and even though she was totally making fun of me, ever since then I haven't been able to get the idea out of my head.

Mind you, I am fully aware of how stupid, useless, and wasteful that would be. If I had millions, I would certainly use them for my own enjoyment, but I also hope I would avoid the five cars, overly large house pitfall and use good portions of my riches to help others. By which I mean, I would hopefully not buy a bunch of expensive things I clearly don't need just because I can.

However. Sometimes I still selfishly fantasize about the fun of having eight different iPods--seven nanos for each day of the week and one classic to hold music and videos. Okay, the only reason this occupies my nerdiest fantasies is that Apple released the nanos in all these pretty colors. I could use the red one on Mondays, and it could be full of certain kinds of Monday-ish songs, and then the blue one on Tuesdays, etc. (Awesomely enough, there are nine different colors of nanos, so I wouldn't even have to buy a pink one to carry out this plan.) I would totally color-coordinate/day-coordinate my music library too, which is, um, ridiculous, but oh, the joy it would bring to my nerdy little heart.

So I'm sad to say that if I had millions, I would probably buy seven iPod nanos and then start obsessively going through my library, making lists of which songs to put on which color for which day. Maybe I will do that anyway, for the phantom iPod nanos I will never buy, because I will never have millions.

What I should buy instead of seven iPods I don't need (really, what is wrong with me?) is an Apple TV. That would be rather awesome. However, we have this whole fancy home theater thing set up now, and I could not add an Apple TV to that mess myself, because I am, sadly, not that geeky, so I would have to go to Tweeter and buy the Apple TV and then ask nicely if they can come over and hook it up for me. Which they would do. For extra dough, most likely. But! Worth it. Plus, I could buy the cheaper one, because I'd have all my media on my computer and wouldn't need to store it locally on the box itself, thus saving myself the money I will have to spend on an installation. Oh, boo.

Told you it was dorkier today.

Snobbing out, dorking out, etc.

Okay, so. I loved Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist so much that I bought the other book Rachel Cohn and David Levithan wrote together, Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List, and I think I liked it better. I can't quite tell, because... I kind of hated Naomi, and she's one of the main characters. But I really liked how the story was told through the points of view of nearly all the people involved. And I really liked the gay love story--and it was a boy gay love story. Not that I don't love gay boys or anything, but you know I like to hear about girls falling in love much better.

Anyway. I can't quite figure out why I hated Naomi, but from the very beginning I kind of had no patience for how she was still stubbornly holding out for her gay best friend to fall in love with her. I should cut her some slack, because she's only eighteen, and that's a little bit young to be able to see those kinds of things. And maybe because I've never been in love with a boy, gay or otherwise. I've never actually been in love with anyone, but you know. Serious crushes? Always on girls. Straight girls. So I get that part of being totally into someone who'll never want you that same way, but, you know, even when I was eighteen, I knew it would never happen. You know, because the girls--they weren't into girls. And I didn't think so much of myself that I thought I could turn them or anything. Even during some of my more protracted crushes, I never really thought anything would happen. And the crushes that lasted the longest were the most hopeless. Ugh.

Also, she's flunking out of college in this story, which is another thing I have no patience for. I realize this makes me a snob of the highest degree, but... Go to class, do the work--or at least just do the work--stop bitching. I'm not very sympathetic to the problems of this character. That's why I hated her. And I mean, her parents' marriage imploded, which I should have been able to sympathize with, but she was just so...blech about everything else that I didn't give a crap. Plus, she was super mean to Ely, and Ely, though not without faults, was not an ass to her, so. Eff you, Naomi.

This book wasn't as full of trying-too-hard hipster references as Nick and Norah--in fact, there were copious references to things that are decidedly unhip, like High School Musical and Dawson's Creek. But there was this one story Ely was telling about...something he did with Naomi, and he finished it with, "It was a time," which is something I often say, because it comes from... My So-Called Life. "We did. We had a time," Angela muses after her evening with Rayanne at Let's Bolt. These authors--or at least one of them--clearly dig My So-Called Life, and I just can't hate on that, can I?

I want a book like this, like Nick and Norah about girls. Annie on My Mind is totally the only good teenaged lesbo book I've ever read. I've read a lot of mediocre and a few bad ones. I want a good one for the 21st century.

Shit.

Does that mean I have to write it?

Funny things I read today

I forgot about Rich at fourfour. He also posts hilarious Top Model recaps:

"[Tyra:] 'It's a message for everybody. Shiny fabric is not your friend!' Luckily, this being a reality show, shiny fabric isn't here to make friends." (Clearly, the gays have the Top Model market cornered.)

I love a girl who laughs at monkeys:
"I find that most things are funnier live. Except for monkey's sniffing their own butt and falling out of a tree. That's the only thing that translates. When you see monkeys scratching their ass and falling out of a tree live, you laugh, and when you see them on YouTube, you laugh." --Amy Poehler

Oh, little J:
"Taylor Momsen should smack whoever authorized that shag; she also might want to think about relaxing, wiping off some of that eyeliner, and simply being 15 instead of trying to leapfrog into her late twenties. Dakota Fanning should take her bowling." --The Fug Girls

Unintentional humor:
"My name is Diana, and I care." --A former classmate's away message

Okay, this is not so much funny, but I just discovered that Kenley actually said she doesn't listen to Tim Gunn Wednesday night. Oh, that is the mortal sin of Runway. And it's usually the death knell. Why is Kenley still there?

In other people hate Sarah Palin news

Regina Spektor is a genius. Plus, I really like her music. Plus plus, she loves the gays. Apparently, she did a few shows on Cyndi Lauper's True Colors tours, and why I never went to one of the True Colors shows, I do not know.

Also! She, like one of my other lady musician heroes, Alanis Morissette, recorded a song for a Chronicles of Narnia movie. "The Call" plays at the end of Prince Caspian, and it totally killed me both times.

And, some more: she did a song with one of my favorite boy musicians, Ben Folds, which I remember catching somewhere months ago, but then I forgot it, but then I read that blog post yesterday, and I was like, "Hey! Maybe Ben's album finally came out!" So I checked iTunes. It has not come out, but it was available for pre-order, and their song "You Don't Know Me" was immediately available. So I have been listening to it on a loop since then, and that is something I almost never. Ever. Do.

I remember the first time I ever heard her. The Potato and I were in the WDOM studio at 8:30 on a November morning (Tuesday? I think our shows were buttass early in the morning on Tuesdays that first semester), and I was looking through the new CDs that had gotten sent to the station. We were supposed to play ten songs from these new CDs, but since we only played female artists, we figured we could do five songs, because there were so many more male artists/bands in the station's add bin. Anyway, there was a 3-song EP from Regina, and it had a sticker on it with a quote from some reviewer that said she was like a cross between Bjork and Joni Mitchell. Carlos loves Bjork, and we both love Joni Mitchell, so I was like, "We should play this." I think we played "Us," and we both quickly dug it. "Carbon Monoxide" totally sold us, I think, but my favorite song from that little EP was "Ghost of Corporate Future." Eventually, I made it to the Providence Newbury Comics and bought her CD Soviet Kitsch, and I was head over heels.

Also, she does sound like a combo of Bjork and Joni Mitchell sometimes. She's pretty much the best new artist I've ever discovered. She may be the only new artist I've ever discovered all by myself... Whatever! Awesome. She is awesome.

In conclusion, I love when I discover that straight people I admire are awesome and eloquent allies. And when they share my opinions on horrifying politicians: "Then again, we are a heart beat away from having a very inexperienced woman (an insult to all actually deserving women out there) possibly lead our country off the deep end of the edge of human reason ... but that's a much longer post..."

Can't wait to read that blog post, Regina!

Anxiously awaiting the 25th

Well. I believe walking around with your hands shoved in your pockets was on "the list," yes?
Also, I kind of swoon for the long sleeve shirt under the scrubs top look. On everyone. But mostly Sara.

Okay, okay, also I was just on ABC's official Grey's site, and I noticed this at the bottom of the page in their collage of characters image.
Ignore Justin Chambers's head there, and check the Brooke/Sara laughter. That is totally an outtake from the kiss at the end of last season. I must see that outtake! Someone buy the season 4 DVDs and let me know if they include outtakes. And then let me borrow the special features disc. Cuz I already iTunes'd season 4 because I was jonesin' for more Brooke Smith action, and I was not about to watch Silence of the Lambs again to get my fix of that (eesh), so I will not be buying the DVDs this time. I am not that insane. Anymore.

In other I hate Sarah Palin news

The Governor of Alaska is at the very least interested in banning books. When she was elected mayor of Wasilla, she allegedly asked the city librarian if she would be all right with removing books from library shelves if the mayor saw fit to ask her to do so. The librarian said no, like any good librarian would. Whether it went any further is up for debate, blah blah, but the fact remains that Sarah Palin thinks government censorship of what we are able to read is a-okay.

Oh it is NOT.

Anyway, children, the ALA's Banned Books Week is coming up (September 27 - October 4), and in honor of that, I have decided to read the ten most challenged books of 2007, according to info gathered by the ALA. These books are

1. And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson/Peter Parnell
2. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
3. Olive’s Ocean by Kevin Henkes
4. The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
7. TTYL by Lauren Myracle
8. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
9. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

And actually, I've read three* of them already, so I'm cheating and only reading seven. Also And Tango Makes Three is a picture book about gay penguins, so really, it'll be six actual books. The Nashua Public library had best have all these books, but I will totally buy the gay penguins book if they don't have that.

The Chocolate War and Huck Finn, I think, appear on the ALA's list of most challenged books of all time (along with some of my very favorites, like The Giver and A Wrinkle in Time), and I don't know about the Chocolate War, but Huck Finn is always challenged because of how many times the n-word appears in it. And like, um. That's kind of the point of Huck Finn--it's the racism of the 1830s South through the eyes of a ten-year-old boy. Mark Twain wasn't racist; Huck isn't racist--the society in which this boy lives is racist. The book is not racist--it's not a Klan manifesto. God. People are so dumb.

Well. Duh. People who want to ban books are all idiots. Sigh.

Oh, by the way. What kind of books did Mayor Palin allegedly want to remove from her city's shelves? Gay ones, specifically Daddy's Roommate and Pastor, I Am Gay. Of course. Letting this woman anywhere near the White House is the worst idea I've ever heard.

*A token of my love and affection to anyone who can guess which three.

Should we talk about Gossip Girl?

I don't have a lot to say this time. I am glad that Serena and Dan broke up, and I loved how she yelled at him for being a judgmental prick, and then he fell down. Suck it, Dan!

Chuck is in love with Blair, blah blah, but he's back to being creepy instead of sympathetic. So. Creepy.

Nate and Vanessa--yawn.

Jenny, the wise intern, telling Eleanor how to breathe new life into her designs? JESUS CHRIST. Get rid of that posthaste.

Most disappointing of all, however, is the fact that the power went out, and NO ONE HAD SEX. No one. Maybe I'm too used to Showtime porn or something, but come on. It's a blackout. There are lots of sexy people on this show. But all they did was talk! Boo.

However, I am kind of wicked excited to see Dan and Serena fight next week. I wish Serena would date a lady now that she's free from the shackles of Humphriana, but I'll have to keep dreaming.

And where is Lily? Where is Eric? I want van der Woodsen bonding! Because I clearly won't get any lesbians!

Oh marry me, Jacob Clifton

From his recap of last week's episode of Gossip Girl:

"She texts Dorota (911, party to plan!!!) and they smile vaguely at each other; she waves the furious texting off like 'you know how it is, we're drunk, don't worry about it.' Hopefully that's the explanation for the punctuation abuse, anyway: my Blair certainly doesn't hit three exclamation points when only one is required."

Er, and Potes again, too:
"What? I carry my handbag in my vagina all the time. It really frees up your arms to carry groceries or pet kittens."