In a world by myself

I do not like Simon Cowell saying this Irish girl is the new Kelly Clarkson. I mean, we all know how I feel about Kelly Clarkson, but this Irish girl isn’t even memorable—and Simon Cowell is usually right about everything. Super early on in season 4, he told Carrie Underwood that she’d be the most successful Idol ever, which may in fact be true, since Kelly has shot herself in the foot with My December. Anyway, back to Carly: it’s not like she’s bad—she’s just not interesting. Like Michelle Branch or Vanessa Carlton or Katherine McPhee—or, really, any of the other girls who’ve been on American Idol except for Tamyra and Melinda—and the bad ones, of course. But what really got me was that, after he told her she’s like Kelly, he totally forgot her name. Which, um, he totally didn’t know Kelly’s name until the first top ten performance. When she got selected after Justin, Simon said something to Brian and Ryan about getting a lot of calls about “this girl” the night before, and Ryan (bless his heart, for once) went, “Her name is Kelly,” and even better, she chimed in herself: “My name is Kelly!” I don’t know why I felt the need to relate that story, but… Apparently, it bodes well if Simon can’t remember your name? Plus, Kelly was really cute about it, all indignant, but laughing—and also crying because she really didn’t expect to make it, I don’t think.

American Idol was also hideous last night because…well, I don’t think I’ve gone on at length anywhere how I feel about Beatles covers, but I think you probably know the gist, which is this: generally, when people mess with the Beatles, I get feral. The exceptions to this rule are as follows: Kelly Clarkson, Brandi Carlile, most of the cast of Across the Universe (except Bono), and a few of the people on the I Am Sam soundtrack. Oh, and Fiona Apple, whose cover of “Across the Universe” is awesome. And not one of the people on this show this season even comes close to the level of awesomeness exhibited by Kelly, Brandi, Fiona, or even Evan Rachel Wood, who is not a professional singer. Giving American Idol the rights to the Beatles’ catalog was the dumbest thing that ever happened, except it allowed Kelly Clarkson to totally kill “Sergeant Pepper’s,” so… Worth it? Almost. If “Eight Days a Week” hadn’t been hideously countrified by…whoever that girl is, I’d say Kelly made last night’s show worth it, because that performance killed me! She should have done that entire medley herself. Anyway, don’t countrify The Beatles. I will come after you. Which means I should really find out that girl’s name, so I can, um, go after her like I just threatened.

Okay, I do appreciate that Carly peed her pants when Simon made the KC connection, but… He’s wrong. This time. Do you think she would have if he’d compared her to Carrie or Jordin? Those comparisons would be even less apt just because of Carly’s style of singing, but… Getting favorably compared to Kelly Clarkson is a big fucking deal, bitches. Especially when it comes from Simon, because, once he found himself able to remember her, he loved her.

Brooke White, you’re making yourself cry a little early on in the game, I think. Jordin waited until, like, the third week at least. She’s definitely the best singer there, though. But again—I am not interested in her. Kelly Clarkson, whatever you think of her, really, at least has a personality—and a personality I find charming: on the show, she was dorky, nervous in interviews, but confident when performing, gracious, and just utterly adorable. Plus, people, watch this video, and if you’re not converted, I’ll give you a dollar:



The Ditty Bops’ new album is totally bangarang. I bought it yesterday, because it was new music Tuesday, even though the album actually came out, like, a month ago, but I have fallen way behind on my new music. Anyway, I do love the lesbian duos. Except for those Canadian twins. Are both of them gay? That just seems so weird to me. Although, I guess maybe it’ll help lend credence to the fact that gayness is genetic, that gay twins exist.