Bogus movie review!

I saw the Sex and the City movie on Saturday, and while I thought it was way too long, it was enjoyable. I always liked the show, and the movie was more of the same, just bigger, so it was fun. The Carrie/Big thing was ridiculous, though, because it’s happened, like, eighty times already, and the fact that it went down the way it did just… Blerf. What was the point?

Also, what was the point of Jennifer Hudson? She was adorable and all, but that should have been Charlotte and Lily, putting Carrie’s life back together—not some whore we’ve never met before. Because, really, the entire point of Sex and the City is the relationship between the four women. Don’t introduce someone new into it for forty-five minutes and expect us to care. When Carrie is broken, she has the girls to put her back together, and they got to start that process in Mexico, so why did it get passed off to Jennifer Hudson when they got back to New York? Stupid.

Charlotte was like a caricature of herself throughout the whole film. She was the one who got the most cartoony in the show, overreacting to things and being the uptight WASPy one, but she had plenty of quieter things to balance that out, but in the movie she was just spazoid Charlotte the whole time. Although I did laugh for five minutes straight when she shat her pants. Comedy gold, that was.

Now let’s talk about Miranda. She was always my favorite, because she was the smart one, the no-nonsense one. The one who got all, “I get it! You’re just not that into me!” on the guy who really just was having a diarrhea attack after eating Indian food, thus effectively disproving that whole “he’s just not into you” bullshit, even though nary a marketing soul took any notice of that. Anyway.

I would really just like to talk about, now, how apparently one stupid thing she said was the huge pivotal event in the film, which. Please. Okay, so just so I can spoil the film for anyone who hasn’t seen it, at Carrie and Big’s rehearsal dinner, Miranda gets all cranky because her cheatin’ husband’s shown up to beg forgiveness again, and she runs into Big and says, “You’re crazy to get married!” And then Big leaves Carrie at the altar the next day.

Miranda thinks this could possibly be her fault. Like I said before, please. PUH-LEASE. Big did this all on his own—the wedding bananas was spinning out of control, and instead of telling Carrie that he was getting uncomfortable, he just didn’t show up to the wedding. He would have done the same thing if he hadn’t talked to Miranda at all at the rehearsal dinner. I mean, I can understand Miranda momentarily freaking out, all, “Oh my god, did I do this?” But when she told Charlotte and Samantha, they should have said, “God, of course not. This is Mr. Big, Miranda. You had nothing to do with it.”

And seriously. She had nothing to do with it. I can still buy letting it bother her for months afterwards, but when she finally told Carrie, Carrie should have said, “Oh, Miranda, you had nothing to do with this. This is Big we’re talking about. I should have seen this coming from a mile away.”

Because really? She should have. But no, the whole thing got blown out of proportion, and Carrie and Miranda were in a fight for days, and I was very sad. But she made it up with Miranda much more easily than she did with Big, which is good, because Miranda is way more important than some guy.

Speaking of Miranda, can I say it really bothered me that they had to have that waitress mistake Carrie for her girlfriend? Does that make me a bad lez? I mean, they already did the “Miranda’s been mistaken for a dyke!” storyline in the first season. Maybe that’s why they brought it up again? The first season kind of sucked so no one remembers it, and Cynthia Nixon’s gay in real life? Whatever, it was stupid. The only good thing about it was that Miranda and Carrie just kind of looked at each other and laughed, instead of protesting or whatever. Which, I mean, obviously, Sex and the City was a very gay-friendly show, so I wouldn’t have expected them to freak out, but… It was unnecessary—and it was totally obvious they were going to go there when the scene with Miranda and Carrie in the restaurant full of couples opened. It got a big laugh out of all the straight ladies in the theater, which made me kind of uncomfortable. Lesbians are not laughable, people. We are funny, but we are not laughable.