I guess since it's April Fools, I should have written a post not about books

For a long, long, looooooong time I was of the opinion that a movie could never, ever get a book right. Every time I watched a movie based on a book, I would simply be disappointed. This is largely true: movies always seem to leave out or change parts of the book I enjoy. It's just inevitable, because movies are limited in what they can present. I mean, you try to base a movie on a 1,000 page book, and you get four hours of Vivien Leigh being INTOLERABLE. You know? Sometimes you just gotta cut some stuff.

So I grew up a little and realized that the movie had to find its own way to tell the story of its source novel, and I began to see that some of them can do a good job, even changing things from the source. The Little Women with Winona Ryder is probably the best example of this; there are plenty of things that are different in the movie, but the movie still captures the story, the family bonds, everything. And so I love it. Plus, Winona Ryder is hot when she cuts off all her hair for money for her mother.

Lately, I've started to enjoy some movies better than the books upon which they were based, but this was only because I did not enjoy the books upon which they were based. The Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley, which purists hate, totally slayed me, because it was so fun. Like, the movie demonstrated what I did not get from the book at all, that these five girls were a family who loved each other, who laughed and teased and shared secrets and acted like a modern bunch of sisters might. I liked that a lot, how the movie showed you the affection between the Bennetts and the goofiness of Mr. Bingley, presenting these upper class characters from two hundred years ago as people we could know. These period dramas always present characters as, like, so far removed from the way modern people behave, and that is just not accurate at all. People may have had to put on more ridiculous airs in previous time periods, but everyone has always teased their sisters or gotten nervous around pretty girls, no matter how many undergarments they're forced to wear.

And Jane Austen's writing just did not convey that any of these people really liked each other. That made me sad. Don't tell me I was reading it wrong, either. I know how to read a book, motherfuckers.

Anyway, just a few days ago, I realized that this is why I really liked the Narnia movies: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian showed the Pevensies as a real family, siblings who fight and tease and love each other. That was largely absent in the novels, which were mostly about the plot. I guess you just have to take it on faith that the Pevensies are fond of each other in the books--I mean, there are a few scenes, of course, where you see how close Peter and Lucy are, for instance, but it's just not enough. Mostly, they feel like strangers thrown together on an adventure. In the movies, the kids got to be playful, to act like real kids, and the best part, for me, was that Susan was included. Susan feels much more like part of the family in the movies than she ever did in the books. Even Edmund, who full on betrays them in the first story, gets to belong to the family more fully than Susan.

So, you know, if The Last Battle actually gets made, and the director wants to let Susan into heaven? Totally fine with me.

I had it sorted

There are a lot of things to say about the film adaptation of Prince Caspian, and I won’t remember to say all of them, but… Let’s start with the things I loved--and also a spoiler warning (for the film, book, and later books in the series--mostly in my discussion of Susan).

Regina Spektor doing the closing credits song! And it was good. I love Regina.

Eddie Izzard as Reepicheep. Perfect. That’s all there is to it.
Anna Popplewell is now at least eighteen, so I don’t have to feel dirty for finding her so exquisitely lovely as Susan.
All the visual stuff is magnificent. The ruins of Cair Paravel, Miraz’s castle, Aslan’s Howe (which is so much bigger than I imagined it—and than Lewis described it, I’m pretty sure, but it’s fantastic anyway), the scene where the Hag and the Werewolf almost call the White Witch back, played much more dramatically than it was written in the novel, but still brilliant.

Georgie Henley might as well change her name to Lucy Pevensie, for serious. I am convinced no one else on earth could play that part, and I cannot wait to see The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, which remains my favorite of The Chronicles of Narnia novels.
Skandar Keynes, who was really good at playing outcast Edmund, was also really good at playing part of the family Edmund, which I was vaguely concerned about. Really, all four of the children were perfectly cast.
There’s also a fair bit of sweet sibling humor in the movie that is completely absent from the book. In fact, almost all of the books lack humor, and it is a very welcome addition to the movies. These four kids actually feel like a family on screen.
Poor Will Mosely, though, because Peter is an absolute pill in this movie. In the book, it’s Susan who won’t believe in Aslan and is generally a stick in the mud, but in the movie, that’s all on Peter, as he decides it’s his job alone to fix what’s wrong with Narnia. He will neither wait for help from Aslan, nor listen to advice from Caspian. The bickering between the two of them was one of my least favorite things about the movie—but I will say that how they just meet up and instantly get along in the novel is far too neat and tidy to be interesting. Also, I mean, I got behind Peter's message, which was something along the lines of “we can’t expect Aslan to fix things for us,” but he was just a turd about it. That’s all.

Because of the fact that the movie is structured completely differently from the novel, there has to be tension somewhere. Most of the tension in the novel comes from the Pevensies arguing about the best way to get to Caspian and whether or not Lucy has actually seen the lion. The movie creates tension in multiple ways—among the Pevensies, between Caspian and Peter, between Miraz and his men, between Miraz and Caspian—it’s all very interesting, but it’s almost nothing like the book.

I still don’t understand why the Telmarines were portrayed as a swarthy, Mediterranean race of people—because they’re originally descended from pirates? What the eff ever. Caspian’s accent drove me crazy, and Ben Barnes is TOO OLD. And kind of dull. Hopefully, he’s more interesting in the next film.
Okay, so I could probably go on about the differences between the novel and the film, but I won’t. I’ll just say the only thing I hated was the romance between Susan and Caspian. I…still say it’s not necessary, even though… Oy, there’s so much going on in my head here, but let’s say this: It's at least somewhat in accordance with her character, because Susan is the only one of the eight children who visit Narnia from our world to experience a sexual awakening (implied only), and it is (also implied only) her downfall, but since she’s been portrayed much more sympathetically in the films, I really wonder how they’re going to deal with her absence in The Last Battle, which, truth be told, is my biggest problem with these books, but whatever. Let’s get back to how she is in Prince Caspian.

The novel sees her as more annoyingly practical than ever, insisting that the children put their shoes back on after frolicking in the ocean (the things I remember...) and that Lucy couldn’t possibly have seen Aslan if the others didn’t. Also, she does a lot of whining. There’s really none of that in the movie—she won’t believe that Lucy has seen Aslan, but she’s not an ass about it—and Peter doesn’t believe her either. Only Edmund sticks up for her, because Edmund’s betrayal and redemption have made him wiser than his older siblings. But once Lucy finds the way across the gorge, she asks her little sister why she couldn’t see Aslan, instead of going on insisting that he was never there in the first place. Susan mostly keeps to herself in the film, which is different for her, but I like it a lot. She’s trying to reconcile her life in Narnia with the life she must go back to in England, and it’s hardest for her and Peter—hardest of all for Peter, as far as the movie goes—and I think, really, it’s ultimately that that causes her downfall. She struggles to leave her old life behind and accept her new one, and the only way she can find do that—later, of course—is to pretend the old life was just a game. Which is very sad for Susan. But I’m getting ahead of myself again.
Anyway, the other thing I really wanted to discuss was how much ass she kicks in the film. In the novel, she and Lucy stay out of the way of the battle, just as in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, riding in on Aslan’s back so he can finish things off, and they can watch. The movie puts Susan right in the thick of things, commanding the archers at the top of the How and fighting right alongside her brothers. I do love this, Susan getting to be part of the action, because, honestly, what is the point of being awesome at archery if you don’t get to use the skill? And Susan is the best archer in Narnia, which we get proof of in the book, but it’s not so obvious in the movie. Oh. The other part I loved was when she rode out with Lucy to see if they could find the lion, and the Telmarine soldiers caught up with them, and she jumped off the horse and stayed behind to kill the bad guys while her little sister galloped for help. Of course, she ends up being rescued by a big, strong man in the end—blech—but this is, like, light years ahead of her portrayal in the book in terms of awesomeness.
However, that was the one positive thing Susan had going for her, as I’ve said before: she doesn’t like to kill things. She does, however, hesitate to shoot the bear just like in the book, and Trumpkin is forced to kill it. The movies have made her much more likable than she ever was in the books, though, so I’ll take this version of Susan happily. Queen Susan the Gentle totally no longer fits her at all, though. I shall redub her Queen Susan the Fearless.

The only other difference between the movie and the book that I really wanted to discuss was the scene in which the White Witch almost comes back. Now, for most of the book, the Pevensies are not with Caspian—for most of the movie, they are. In the book, Caspian almost gets duped into calling on the White Witch, because he has already deliberately (with Susan’s horn) called upon Aslan and the four king and queens, but they have not come yet, and so Nikabrik tries to get him to go the Dark Arts way. In the movie, the Pevensies are there, but they’ve failed to bring any help to the Narnians—in fact, Peter’s first battle plan ended in, basically, the slaughter of a fair number of Narnian soldiers. Thus, Caspian is losing faith in the kings of old—and there’s another element: during this first battle, he learns that Miraz killed his father (why he doesn’t know that already I’m really not sure), so he gets a little bloodlusty in addition to being let down by the High King. So he succumbs kind of easily to the Hag’s plan, but when he realizes what’ll happen, that Jadis will once again be unleashed upon Narnia, he tries to stop it, and Peter comes in to stop it, but he gets caught in her snare as well, so that Edmund, the only one who really knows the Witch, has to save them from her. Again. This is a big chunk of the reason that Edmund was always my favorite in the books. After his fall, he’s learned something, and he knows what to trust to. The others, not having experienced anything like what he did, don’t have the same kind of wisdom. "Edmund [became] a graver and quieter man than Peter," after all. Anyway.
Now let’s talk about Peter. Both here and in the film version of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, he’s much more complex than he is in the books. In both books, he’s basically do-gooder Peter, without internal conflicts or any real flaws. In the first film, he is the reluctant hero, which was an interesting angle, and in Prince Caspian, there is much more going on in Peter’s own brain than there ever is in any of the books.

He’s having such a hard time readjusting to life in England after being a king that he’s getting into fights with other boys. When he returns to Narnia, it’s not his Narnia, but he will only rely on himself to put it to rights, because he is High King Peter. He fights with Caspian; he argues with Edmund; he almost falls prey to the White Witch, and he puts almost no faith in Aslan, something the Peter of the novels never would have done. As uncomfortable as it is to watch—and as little similarity as it bears to the Peter I know—this version is ultimately more interesting, because it makes Peter a flawed, human character. He is the least developed in the novels of all the siblings, and I like that the films are giving him some depth. Susan, too, gets layers instead of just one-note nagging, but even she gets to experience a mini-redemption in the novel of Prince Caspian—hard-headed and blind at first, but brought around at the end. Peter’s just always good, maybe a little misdirected at times, but always upright and true. A real wooden-headed doofus, like the princes in early Disney movies. In the movies, he’s much more than that.

And now I have just realized something. This is the first case in my entire life of the movies besting books I cherished. CHERISHED. I have to curl into a ball now and rethink my entire sense of self.

Goodnight!

Icicles are falling down

This weather is a mess! Rain, sleet, snow, flooding! Slush everywhere! Fuuuuuuck. February and March are the worst months of the year.

Mike said that if he'd had another beer in Burlington, "That Year" would have made him cry. This was not included in my original wrap-up of the show because he didn't tell me that until, like, a month later. I am telling you this now, three months after that, because iTunes played "That Year" from Burlington just now. That song is heartbreaking.

Now for something less depressing: Ricky got his walking papers last night, finally. God. That stupid orange bathing suit would have been shredded in a wrestling ring--even a fake wrestling ring--don't you think? Chris's most definitely was the cutest, but I have a thing for clothes with hoods. And when girls with pretty long hair wear their hoods up. Even though the wrestler lady was kind of scary, she looked less scary with the hood up. Not nearly as pretty as this lady:
Rami's was hideous, Sweet P's boring; Jillian's looked like it was made out of duct tape, and Christian has totally designed that little bolero thing before, hasn't he? I feel like I've seen that before. However. I loved how he fell so in love with his wrestling costume and was all, "This is my favorite design ever, which is...kinda scary." I don't know--that was just funny. Of course the word fierce was quite the star of this challenge, but seriously? Those bitches are fierce. In the snarling tiger kind of way. And Chris and Christian were the only ones who really went all out with it. Jillian's was acceptable, but she was, yet again, not done on time. For someone who seems so goddamn unflappable, she sure gets frantic about construction.

That's the other thing! When she was watching the WWE DVD, she was, like, flipping out! Getting all into the stagey girlfighting! (So gay!) It was so weird. Maybe Jillian needs to bodyslam somebody (I nominate Rami), and then she'll feel better. And even though it wasn't really all that funny, I laughed out loud when Jillian said of her wrestler, "She might bodyslam me if I design the wrong thing." I guess I just grabbed at any attempt of hers to show a sense of humor. Also, that interview she gave at the beginning of the show, about how it would suck to get this far but not make it to Bryant Park--she seemed severely doped up, like she could barely keep her eyes open. However. I will take Jillian's bizarro stoicism over Sweet P's whining any day. I do not believe that Mean P exists! How disappointing.

Oy. I didn't watch Cashmere Mafia last night, but Allison gave me a quick rundown, and just...oy. I was all excited about this show, because it had girlkissing right out of the gate instead of stringing us along for six episodes while Caitlin went back and forth over whether she was really attracted to Alicia. And now they're trotting out all the tired lesbian cliches, and Caitlin's back to sleeping with men, but not really, as Alicia apparently forgives her when she confesses, and Caitlin's, what, going to learn to handle dating a pregnant lesbian? When she's still unsure of her sexuality and has yet, at 37, to be in a committed relationship of any kind? Lordy-loo. (Maybe I should have watched this before going on a rant. Whatever. Who needs to be properly informed?) Plus, Alicia is so boring. There are plenty of non-boring, non-pregnant lesbians for Caitlin to fall in love with. I really don't get it--the two of them have no chemistry, but I guess maybe that's Lourdes Benedicto's fault? (It's certainly not Bonnie Somerville's--Bonnie Somerville is kind of awesome.) Whatever. At least The L-Word isn't an abomination this year.

In my quest for decent lesbian entertainment, I rented The Gymnast, and that totally fell flat. I was just not interested in any of the characters, and the acrobatics didn't really engage me, so...it was a flop and a half. The trailer was about twice as interesting. Anyone have any good lesbian-centric movies I should watch? I'm getting a little sad.

In Allison's quest to be crowned queen of awesome, she reported back to me on The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe last night, and we had a brief discussion about how the girls are given weapons but told not to fight, and even though Lucy does fight when she's grown up, and Susan becomes the best archer in the world, the message in that one book, that girls shouldn't fight because that makes battles ugly, is gross. Though, apparently, girls should be able to defend themselves, which is good. At least Lewis didn't want his damsels to be helpless. It is interesting that Susan gets a horn to call for help as well as the means to defend herself. Which one does she use in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe? Guess. I could totally write a thesis on this shiz, but I don't have the discipline to actually do it. I kind of feel like I need to, though, because this stuff has been bugging me for years, and I need to exorcise it. Eh. Whatever.

Let's go to the beach tonight with a bottle of wine

Oh my god, tv sucked last night. First, Kit Pistol got booted from the runway totally unfairly. I hate Ricky. I was totally gutted, just like when Allison got booted last year. Then I was, like, "Uh, it's just a reality television program. Get over it." But still! I was sad. Kit was the only one I loved. She was my Allison and my Uli, and now she's gone.

Second, still not enough Caitlin on Cashmere Mafia and not nearly enough lesbian action. And next week she meets a guy! Why do I bother?

I think I want to go to the beach tonight. It's supposed to snow, but not till after midnight I think. Still, I haven't been up there this winter, and my toes need a good dose of frostbite. I wanted to go with Mike, but he has class tonight. School ruins everything. However! I did get to make a new playlist for this pilgrimage. Behold:

Solitary winter beach jaunt mix:
1. You Turn Me On I'm a Radio - Joni Mitchell
2. Have You Ever - Brandi Carlile
3. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
4. And Your Bird Can Sing - The Beatles
5. Supernova - Liz Phair
6. Little Perennials - Indigo Girls
7. Carbon Monoxide - Cake
8. Bang Bang - Dispatch
9. Surf Wax America - Weezer
10. Rebel Prince - Rufus Wainwright
11. Toes - Norah Jones
12. There's a Girl - The Ditty Bops
13. Midnight Train to Georgia - The Cast of 30 Rock
14. All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar
15. Hotel Song - Regina Spektor
16. Troubled Times - Fountains of Wayne
17. Fairytale - Sarah Bareilles
18. Can I Have a Kiss - Kelly Clarkson
19. Black Wave - The Shins
20. Gonna Make You Love Me - Ryan Adams
21. Chordless - Jess Kaps
22. Blood Roses - Tori Amos
23. Spider Pig - Hans Zimmer
24. No creo - Shakira
25. Kathleen - Josh Ritter
26. Better Son/Daughter - Rilo Kiley
27. Fairy Godmother Song - Jennifer Saunders
28. The Luckiest - Ben Folds
29. Wading in the Velvet Sea - Phish
30. Melissa - The Allman Brothers Band
31. Doth I Protest Too Much - Alanis Morissette
32. Tenderly - Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
33. Comfortable - John Mayer
34. You're Pretty Good Looking (for a Girl) - The White Stripes
35. Every Day I Love You Less and Less - Kaiser Chiefs
36. Handle with Care - Jenny Lewis
37. On My Way - Ben Kweller
38. Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
39. My Guitar - Jump, Little Children
40. Red Oyster Cult - Guster
41. Friend of the Devil - Counting Crows
42. Last of Days - A Fine Frenzy
43. Garden of Delights - Lisa Loeb

That should last me. Half of the point of going on a roadtrip is picking out the music to go with you. I know this is a lame roadtrip, but I love the beach at night, and I love the beach in the winter, and I am done with watching tv at night. Bah.

Last night I had a dream about the stupid girl I have a hopeless crush on these days, and it was so weird, because it involved my grandparents living in an apartment at the end of the mall by JC Penney, except JC Penney is in the middle of the mall, and Bath & Body Works looked all wrong, and I left one of my shoes behind in my grandparents' apartment (just one) and had to go back to get it. But as we were walking to work, the girl took my hand, and I was just happy. I hate waking up from dreams like that. I don't know if the girl even still works at Bath & Body Works; I haven't seen her in two weeks. Sigh.

I got bit by a list-making bug, so just in case any of you out there in the internet were curious, here are my ten favorite books, ever, at this moment:
1. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
2. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
3. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
4. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis
5. A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle
6. Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
7. The Cider House Rules by John Irving
8. Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury
9. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkein
10. The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman

Almost made the list:
Spindle's End by Robin McKinley
The Neverending Story by Michael Ende

I am so excited for Prince Caspian I can't even tell you. I love this shit. There are barely any blatant Christian themes in this one, but Susan is such a pill in the book it makes me sad. I can't see a way around "everyone sees the lion but Susan the pill and Trumpkin the skeptic," but I think the movie lets her redeem herself, which the book does not. I love The Chronicles of Narnia, but I have so many issues with the books. Maybe that's part of the reason I love it--you know I love to pick things apart, and there is ample ammo for bitching in these seven books.

So my choice is... or death?

I have a bunch of things to say. First of all, this snow that is blizzarding around in New England will not stop people from doing their Christmas shopping, but it will indeed stop me from being at the mall to wait on their asses. Well, the blizzarding snow and my horrible tires. I have asked Santa many a time for new tires for Christmas, and hopefully he'll come through.

Second: Eddie motherfuckin' Izzard is going to be the voice of Reepicheep in this crazy ass Prince Caspian film. I know I was having reservations about this movie, but they all just went out the window, because I think that it awesome. I fucking love Eddie Izzard.

Third: Brandi Carlile did indeed play "The Heartache Can Wait" at this Christmas show in Portland on Friday, and she did not play it on the piano. I think I like it on guitar, and as long as Josh is there, the song's still amazing, but the piano makes it more Joni Mitchell-ish. Which I like a lot, a lot. And she even acknowledged that her song was "River"-ish. Hooray. Now I would like her to learn a Joni Mitchell song for her next U.S. tour. "A Case of You" or "Blue" would be good. Thanks, Brandi!

Fourth: girl was barefoot at this Portland show. I saw a picture. But she was wearing that blazer she wore at the Avalon, and I do not love that thing. And as much as I want to meet her, the only thing I want to ask her is still whether she's read The Neverending Story. Is that weird?

Fifth (just so you'll be positive that I am weird): Last night, I met my mom and some of her friends out to dinner for her birthday, and I was exhausted, so I got kind of drunk on two beers again, and I declared that my mom was my favorite person in the whole world (this might, in fact, be true--but there's no need to verbalize this in public), and my mom's friend was like, "And who's second?" And I just went, "Hmm," like I'll never tell, and then I said, so just my mom could hear, "Brandi Carlile," and she just laughed. But that may also, in fact, be true.

Oh, of course it's not true. I haven't even made her fall in love with me yet. Mike! is my second favorite person in the whole world.

Book crises abound

I told Allison that the film adaptation of The Golden Compass hurt my soul, and she said, "I like that books are part of your soul. It gives you character." Snerf. She may have been making fun of me a little bit, and I may have exaggerated when I said that, but I think books are part of my soul. I certainly would not be who am I without all the books I've read. If I ever go blind, my life will be over. Um, until I learn Braille.

Well, The Golden Compass topped the box office this weekend, but it only did 26 million dollars. That's half of what it needed to do to be considered a success because of the enormous budget--allegedly: some bitch I saw on CNN the other morning said that it needed to do $50 million opening weekend. This is bad news, bears. And pretty pathetic compared to what The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and even The Chronicles of Narnia did on their various opening weekends. (I don't know why, but I was so surprised that I wasn't the only person in America dying to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.) His Dark Materials is a better series than all of those--except The Lord of the Rings, I guess. I mean, I love The Lord of the Rings, but Tolkein's writing is really not very accessible. Pullman's is. Rowling's is almost overly accessible. C.S. Lewis's is juuuust right. Also, the fact that I love both His Dark Materials and The Chronicles of Narnia is causing an epic struggle in my soul, because His Dark Materials is, like, a rebuttal of The Chronicles of Narnia, which Pullman called "religious propaganda." Sigh. You can't ignore the Christian themes in Narnia, but I don't know. I love it anyway. Hopefully, I can work out some way where I can love both of these series without having to fight with myself.

I'd really like to know, too, since The Golden Compass was barely hyped up (compared to these other fantasy franchises), how many people who haven't read the books actually went to see it. Mike and I both wanted to see it before even I'd read the books, but that's because we're kind of obsessed with movie trailers. And! Did the people who've read the books boycott it? God, I hope not. I know I was hard on it, but I think the movie has some merits. Maybe I am just saying this, because I want The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass, which is the best book, to be made into movies. They should have just filmed all three at once like The Lord of the Rings, but it would seem that that's the only trilogy that could have ever guaranteed that all three movies would be box office smash hits. Maybe they should have waited fifty years to make His Dark Materials, giving the nerds a real chance to get obsessed. (I don't really think that would have worked, but I just don't know what to do.)

Spoiler alert!

I wonder if the non-readers picked up on what might happen next, though, because Roger and Lyra won't stop saying, "We're in this together. Together. Togethertogethertogether" at the end of the film. I imagine most people would be like, "Hmm. Perhaps you're going to be separated," but I don't think anyone will be prepared for just how heartbreaking their separation is. I know I sure as fuck wasn't. When I was re-reading the book last week in preparation for seeing the movie, this line: "only Pantalaimon, shaking Salcilia [Roger's daemon] firmly, was able to keep Roger from shouting out and leaping up to greet his best friend, his comrade in arms, his Lyra" made me cry because now I knew what was coming. Roger would follow Lyra to hell without a second thought--and that's where she takes him, and it hurts my heart how that happens. But the best part is that she fucking follows him, eventually, in spite of the enormous pain it causes her and Pan, because Lyra is nothing if not loyal.

And, while I'm here, let me bitch about this: Mrs. Coulter telling Lyra that she's her mother irritated the piss out of me, because Mrs. Coulter never admits to being Lyra's mother (to Lyra) until The Amber Spyglass. I don't know if she even knows that Lyra knows. Clearly, I need to read the rest of the trilogy again. But anyway, I guess it's more dramatic the way it happens in the movie than just having John Faa tell Lyra, and it's nothing on my irritation scale compared to what happens next. While Mrs. Coulter is telling Lyra that she's her mother, Lyra has taken out the mother-fucking alethiometer to verify this information! What the hell? How on earth is Mrs. Coulter supposed to fall for the spyfly tin trick if you have the alethiometer in your hands right in front of her? When Mrs. Coulter tries to weasel the alethiometer away from her daughter, Lyra has it stashed away in the ceiling with her winter clothes. Because she is smart. And! Because the Master told her to keep the alethiometer secret--but most of all never to show it to Mrs. Coulter--and she does all she can to keep it away from that woman. She never, ever would have whipped it out in front of her. God, I can't believe I forgot to bitch about that until just now.
No more spoilers.

Who is doing the voiceover at the beginning of the film, by the way? Lyra as an adult? I effing hate the voiceover at the beginning of the film.

You know the thing that hooked me, though, on the book? The very beginning, when little British Lyra fucking hides in a wardrobe--and keeps the door open a crack because, of course, "it is very foolish to shut oneself up in any wardrobe." Or she wants to spy on the scholars some more, but whatever. Lyra is almost nothing like Lucy, though, but that doesn't matter. Both of their adventures begin because they've hidden in a wardrobe.

You know what I kind of want to know now? If Madeleine L'Engle had an opinion on His Dark Materials. She seems like the kind of religious person who could get behind Pullman's message, that dogmatism and oppression have got to go.

Um, more spoilers, all the way through the end of the trilogy:
Here's a thing: I've read some criticism that Pullman doesn't even broach the subject of Jesus in his retelling of Paradise Lost, and thus everything is simply too shallow (or some shit), but I would like to argue that Will and Lyra play the part of Jesus, descending into hell to free the souls trapped there. Seriously, when they're in the land of the dead, they even create a landslide, which is exactly what happened when Jesus went down there--according to Dante, anyway. Will and Lyra have conquered death, you see, just like Jesus did. SO SUCK ON THAT. They're even better than Jesus, because there's no need for a bloody fucking sacrifice--but they both make a huge sacrifice to be able to go to down to the land of the dead, just as hard, if not harder, than Jesus's giving himself up to the Roman soldiers. Then they have to make another sacrifice to keep the door out of the land of the dead open--but it's nothing compared to the first sacrifice they made. So Will and Lyra are not only Adam and Eve, but they are also the redeemers. Since there is no God in His Dark Materials, Pullman can't do a "son of God" thing, so I don't know how you can even list that as a criticism, but he does have characters who do what Jesus was sent to earth to do. Isn't that awesome, though? The characters who were viewed as the root of sin are actually the saviors of humanity. Come on! Philip Pullman, I could kiss you on the mouth. end of spoilers

Interestingly, it's not C.S. Lewis's Adam and Eve (King Frank and Queen Helen) who bring evil into brand new Narnia--it's Digory, who isn't an allegorical figure as far as I can tell. But I guess Digory still commits the original sin--then rectifies it (for a time--of course the Jesus lion has to rectify it for good a thousand years later) by picking (but not eating) an apple. Blarf. Original sin is ridiculous. However! Most of English literature has been influenced by the Bible, and if I just look at it as a bunch of stories and not the answer to life's questions, I can handle it. Most of the time. Like when Madeleine L'Engle retells the story of Noah and the flood in Many Waters--I love that. She's the greatest, Madeleine L'Engle is. Or was, I guess. Sigh.

Geektastic!

I don't think I can even begin to tell you how happy it makes me the iTunes will organize albums by the year they were released, so I won't try. But seriously. It makes me so happy.

Long ago, I downloaded a beautiful program for mp3 editing so I could separate "Hiding My Heart" from "Again Today" and listen to it over and over again. Then I did it for the millions of other songs I have with secret songs at the end of them, although the only ones I can think of now are that a capella song at the end of Jagged Little Pill and the song attached to "Let Me In." Which reminds me! I should separate "Big Yellow Taxi" from "Holiday in Spain." I loved the Counting Crows' cover of "Big Yellow Taxi" until they wouldn't stop playing it on the radio. So thank god, y'all, that Brandi Carlile never gets any radio airplay anywhere in the greater Boston area, or else I might hate "The Story." BOS and the River used to play her, but I don't think they do at all anymore.

I almost forgot how much I love Margaret Cho until the other night when Carlos sent me the best text message of December 2007: "Have you come down with beaver fever?" This morning, he sent over, "I can't come when you fuck me!" which is really only funny if you've heard her say it. So I sent back "Do I have to EAT YOUR ASS to get you to mow the lawn?" How wildly inappropriate. Love it. I want to rush home and watch all her DVDs, but (maybe you heard?) I have to effing work tonight.

I have more reservations than I can tell you about this Prince Caspian film, but I just watched the trailer for it, and holy shit, it looks amazing. They clearly, clearly had their way with it to make it more exciting, but I don't know that I even care, because those four kids are the most perfect Pevensies, y'all, and Walden Media has done the best job ever of creating the world of Narnia. I am still mad that Caspian is twenty-five and swarthy, that Susan is apparently fighting in battles, and that there even is a battle in the first place, but whatever. It is sure to at least be entertaining. And if a movie ever did everything the way it was supposed to, what ever would I talk about?

Now, let's talk about this issue some more: the girls, Susan especially, participating in the fighting. On the one hand, I do enjoy that they're getting a bigger part in the story, but on the other, they don't fight, dude. Susan never fights in her life, and Lucy doesn't until she's much older, when she goes with Edmund to Archenland to defeat the invading Calormenes. But that's, like, the only positive character trait C.S. Lewis gives to Susan: she hates violence and killing--and the rotter here, y'all, is that he doesn't even spin it positively--he implies that it makes her weak and possibly even vain, when I, now, find much to be admired in the fact that she won't shoot to kill, despite her skill with a bow. Okay, everything else I want to say I have said before, so I'll just shut up now.

Um, I don't even know what to say about this one

I'm having another book crisis (surprise, surprise), but this one has been brewing for quite some time, and it's real. It's troubling me. I don't know what to do about it.

Since the sixth grade, The Chronicles of Narnia have been at the top of my favorite books list--especially The Voyage of the Dawn Treader--but now... Now. Oh, they're too damn Christian. This was not a problem for me when I was a teenager and still, nominally, Christian my own self, but then I had a spiritual crisis right before Easter junior year of college, and I have been unable to accept the beliefs of Christianity ever since. I was able to reconcile Madeleine L'Engle's Christianity with my own lack of it easily. She's Episcopalian, which was my denomination until I fell into heathenism, and she's... I don't know, but it's so much more than some stupid doctrine, her religion, so I can get behind that. I like Jesus just fine as a dude. I will never believe he is the son of god. Never. But the things he said--some of them, the important ones, anyway--I like a lot. But everything that grew up after he died--that's what I have a problem with, and C.S. Lewis is often too rigid about that shit. I have been uncomfortable for quite some time with the entire existence of Calormen, because it sounds just like the Middle Eastern Muslim countries, and Lewis has nothing but contempt for these dark-skinned Southerners. They're all evil, except for two of them. I don't know. I don't know! I had this problem when the movie came out, with the Jesus thing, but I made it go away, because I liked the movie.

But you know what I really hate? That scene at the end of The Last Battle when all the creatures of Narnia come before Aslan, and those who look at him and love him are permitted into heaven, and those who look at him and...don't love him are banished into the darkness. That's horrible. Like Lewis wants people to be excluded from his world. Like Susan. I have such a problem with how Susan turned out. Such a problem. But whatever. I can't articulate it well enough for it to be worth it. I can't articulate any of this well enough, except... Why does Christianity always end up excluding people? That's not the point.

Anyway, here's the crisis, in a nutshell. I hate the theological tenets of Christianity--I hate the belief in the existence of heaven and hell, especially. So how can I still love The Chronicles of Narnia? Can I even? Is the phrase "theological tenets" redundant?