A post inspired by lesbians cooler than I

My favorite girls in sports films:
A League of Their Own
The Mighty Ducks
The Bad News Bears
Ladybugs
Bend It Like Beckham
Love and Basketball
Bring It On

I know The Mighty Ducks movies and The Bad News Bears are about little league boys’ teams, but there were two girls on the Ducks, and the Bears had Tatum O’Neal as their star pitcher. And The Bad News Bears is full of racism and homophobia, but I don’t even care. (Like, really. I just watched it again recently, and one of the little shits—Tanner, maybe—uses a whole slue of racial slurs—and gets one in there about fags, too. Naturally.) And, I know, in Ladybugs they needed a boy in a wig to not suck, but whatever. They eventually won on their own. I think. It was funny. I think. I haven’t seen it in a while, but I know I enjoyed it. I mean, it had Rodney Dangerfield and Jackee! And Jonathan Brandis as the boy in a wig. Heh.

But clearly the best of this bunch is A League of Their Own. Baseball and pretty ladies and Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna as comic relief. And who could forget Marla Hooch? What a hitter.

Aw, man. Sarah Warn says that Jess and Jules were supposed to do it in Bend It Like Beckham, but the director took it out so American assholes would watch it. That makes me so sad, because they were a little bit gay. Or a lot bit gay. In my head, Jules is in love with Jess, but trying to play it like she’s in love with Joe, so she doesn’t have to deal with coming out—and unrequitedly loving a straight girl. Which, what? I have no idea what that’s like.

Also gay and in love with her straight teammate? Missy Pantone. You know it’s true.

I think about hypothetical lesbians too much, huh.

Anyway, this list is pitiful, since it only actually includes five movies about girls in sports. The other two focus more on the boys playing sports. And the only sports movie I’ve ever seen (possibly the only sports movie ever made) with an actual lesbian relationship in it sucked my left ass cheek clean off my body. Depressing.