Selfish post

There are a number of internet t-shirts I want, like, right now. But I cannot buy them.

from Threadless
from Glarkware
Anyone rich? I take guys size large.

Just in case you haven't seen this

I love this even more than Prop 8: The Musical. Thanks for being so ridiculous, NOM!

I want this

I would have totally bought it five seconds ago, if not for the price.

"The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another, his mother called him 'wild thing,' and Max said, 'I'll eat you up!' so he was sent to bed without eating anything."

Things I don't need

Who loves me enough to buy this for me?

Kiss her once for me

Isn't Christmas Eve always the most boring day of the year, even after you've outgrown your crazy Christmas anticipation?

I finished Spindle's End last night, and it was quite possibly the best book not written by Philip Pullman I have read all year. The only thing I have a problem with seems to be a common theme in McKinley's stories: the heroine falls in love with a dude practically old enough to be her father. I hate that shit! But whatever. I can overlook at it, especially since she didn't end up marrying the prince--or even going back the royal city to be princess and then queen. That was the other awesome thing about this book, in McKinley's made-up land, the crown passes to the firstborn child regardless of gender. Love it.

A few weeks ago, Jess got all het up because Seth wouldn't say he hates the Colts. I don't give a crap about the Colts, but I said I'd hate them if that's what I needed to do in order to secure an invite to her playoffs barter. She was all, "How can you not hate the Colts? They're the Yankees of football!" And I just did not have the heart to tell her that the Patriots are the Yankees of football these days. She would have thrown a fit. I really don't understand why the Patriots are the Yankees of football, other than the simple fact that New England fans are douchebags. It makes me so sad, you guys, to be lumped in with these maniacs, because I love the Red Sox and the Patriots. The Celtics, I can take or leave, because NBA basketball games do nothing for me. That time I got to watch two games of the NCAA tournament in Syracuse was way more fun than any of the Celtics games I've attended. But anyway. Why are New Englanders such assholes? Actually, let's be real. It's the fans from Massachusetts. Clearly, they're the assholes. Those of us from New Hampshire and Maine are totally cool. Rhode Islanders also have a tendency to be assholes, even though I love that place like it's my second home--which it is. It's the only other state in the country in which I have lived. It's where I was born! But New Hampshire is my real home. And people in Vermont and Connecticut seem to be New York fans. So whatever. And I've gotten off the subject again. Can I just tell you how much I hate all this "Yankees suck" business? Who cares about the Yankees??? Boston won the World Series! And they did not beat the Yankees in the World Series! Because that is impossible! I could understand it a little bit in 2004, what with that crazy comeback to steal the Yankees' spot in the World Series, but this year the Yankees had nothing to do with anything. Why can't you love the Red Sox without being an obnoxious Yankee hater? Why do you yell "Yankees suck!" at Gillette Stadium? Blarf. So these douchebag Red Sox fans are also, naturally, Pats fans, and that's why the rest of the country hates the Patriots. Right? And maybe Bill Belichick? I'm not a fan either, him in his Flashdance sweatshirt, but how can you not love Randy Moss? And Tedy Bruschi? (I can understand how you can not love Tom Brady--is he the reason everyone hates the Patriots?)

Anyway, chill the eff out, New England (read: Massachusetts). New England sports is awesome this year; take pride in that without rubbing it in other people's faces. Is that so hard? (Um, sorry, Bruins, but the only hockey I've ever watched was in Disney films. I know nothing about you.)

Oh, oh! And beautiful human of the week, my very good friend Allison, read last night's entry and sent me a link to this list: afterellen.com's list of 100 hot famous women, and nearly all of my crushes are on this list! Tina Fey is number seven! That makes me feel much better, that I apparently do have gay taste in girls. Phew. And then she sent me this list that is even better: hot girls in glasses. And some beautiful human left pictures in the comments of my girl Kelly Clarkson in a pair of specs. Adorable. I didn't even know girl wore glasses. (What kind of obsessed fan am I?) I also really like the picture of Sandra Oh in glasses, even if she is wearing a dumb newsboy cap.

Not the only one

I think we can all agree that I need to own this shirt:


However, it's out of print: in all sizes! Does that mean it's out of print forever? Come on, threadless. Don't do this to me. This shirt is perfect.

Don't let me down

Okay! Here's a post devoid of my weird internet issues, I swear.

So I finally watched a new episode of Grey's, and it was surprisingly good. It was worth all of it to see Callie and Cristina bunking together at the end--and Cristina telling Callie that she does mind if she cleans up the slob's apartment. However, if Callie has the millions of dollars, why is she sleeping on Cristina's couch? And why did she live in the basement of the hospital? Did she and George ever move out of the hotel? Whatever. I like Callie and Cristina bonding; I like Cristina giving Izzie the cold shoulder; I like George when he's interacting with anyone but Izzie. I don't like Bailey's marriage problems, but oh well. She is still Bailey. And the chainsaw to the foot thing was more than I ever needed to see! Christ.

Seriously. Is anyone rooting for this George and Izzie pairing? Anyone? Because it is making me dry heave. I don't see anything between them. At all. I forgot, too, that Alex lived with Meredith and Izzie these days. I like that.

Also, I need to talk about this new blog I found, thanks to blogger itself. The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. It's bangarang, because one of things that bugs me most in my life is that people seem to think quotation marks should be used to emphasize things. I even wrote an inarticulate livejournal entry on this issue way back in the dark ages of my internet writing. Quotation marks are used for two purposes: to quote something somebody else said and to indicate, basically, that something isn't what it claims to be. A "free" lunch, for example, is a lunch that claims to be free, but as we all know, there's no such thing, and so the quotation marks around free indicate that the lunch does, in fact, cost something. A free "lunch," on the other hand, is something free that isn't really lunch. It's just a bag of peanuts or something masquerading as your noontime meal. Anyway, the blog is hilarious. If you're a nerd like me, check it out.

Edited hastily to add this:
Stephen Colbert has his own flavor of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Too bad Mike hates ice cream, or I'd buy him a pint. Maybe I'll buy him a pint anyway and eat it myself, but let him keep the carton!

Things I need to remember

"She looks like one of those fish that has eyes on both sides of its flat self (a flounder, to be specific). She reminds me of Ann Coulter, which means that she probably smells like one of those fish that has eyes on both sides of its flat self, as well." --FourFour

"Last time I checked, we're in the United States. And in the United States, we clearly speak English. That language I don't understand, and therefore it makes me angry." --Kelly's mom

"I had no idea that you ate food at brunch; I was always given to understand that brunch was some kind of French term for 'we're drinking in the morning.' This is fascinating. I do enjoy a nice egg dish with my alcoholism." --Jacob

Rerip that Semisonic song "Gone to the Movies." It's been fucked up for, like, eight years. Christ.

Stop asking questions you don't really want answers to, because no matter how rhetorical they sound in your head, people will always try to answer them. Not that I don't appreciate the effort, people--I'd rather just save you that effort, because...it's wasted on this ungrateful girl.

Re-rip Goldfly, because the audio is really bizarre on all the tracks and has also been that way for, like, eight years.

Fraggle Rock, season three, is out on DVD. Purchase that bad boy.

Jesus christ

Okay, I don't pretend to be at all religiously inclined, but this is too blasphemous even for a heathen like me. Almost. I still secretly find it hilarious, but I am also a little uncomfortable about that. Apparently, ten years of hanging out with Catholics infected me with their guilt. God dammit.

T-shirt available on noisebot.com if you're into that sort of thing. (Actually, they have some really awesome shirts that I will buy as soon as I can justify doing so to myself.)

Famous poems rewritten as limericks

This fool is a genius. Check this:

Footprints in the Sand

There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said "Now look back;
You'll see one set of tracks.
That's when you got a piggy-back ride."

I hate that story, so I loved to see it mocked. The others are fantastic, too. Go here.

"And since I am dead I can take off my head to recite Shakespearean quotations"

"Why do these girls turn everything into a project? Can't they just like needlecrafts or sports or the environment or art or whatever the hell Stacey likes without teaching a class or starting a team or opening a community college?" -Claudia's Room

"I have met thousands and thousands of pro-choice men and women. I have never met anyone who is pro-abortion. Being pro-choice is not being pro-abortion. Being pro-choice is trusting the individual to make the right decision for herself and her family, and not entrusting that decision to anyone wearing the authority of government in any regard." -Hillary Clinton

Apparently, the world is having a Baby-Sitters Club resurgence

Who knew?

Okay. Y'all. Y'all, y'all, y'all. The other day I found the greatest/weirdest/worst thing ever. They turned the first Baby-Sitters Club book into a graphic novel. Honest to God. Here is a link. I don't know what to make of this information. I think it's awesome or the end of the world. I mean, I'm not a fan of graphic novels, but it's not like the Baby-Sitters Club books were great works of literature. They were even worse than Harry Potter, and I read them like there was no tomorrow. Natch, my fave was Kristy, except she was kind of loud and obnoxious, so sometimes I preferred Mary Anne. And Alex Mack was in the movie! Good grief, Baby-Sitters Club love is so embarrassing.

But, in retrospect, here is my favorite moment from the entire BSC collection. I have no idea which book it's from--probably one of the earlier ones--but it involves punctuation (shockingly enough). So, the BSC beetches are having a meeting at Claudia's, as they do, and they apparently have some sign that says "Baby-Sitters Club" on Claud's door, because at some point Claudia's sister Janine--who is a huge bookish nerd in direct contrast to Claudia, the artsy slacker--stops by to ruminate on the subject of whether or not there should be an apostrophe in their club's name. Pretty much everyone is dumbfounded, and I cannot for the life of me recall any of Janine's reasoning for the apostrophe or against it, but it has stuck in my head lo these many years. I believe "Baby-Sitters Club" requires an apostrophe, because the club belongs to the baby-sitters, and I think that was one of Janine's ruminations, but I have no idea what she decided. Of course, Claud and the gang totally ignored her. I really wish I could find that book. I would love to read that scene again. Too bad I totally threw/gave away all my BSC books out of utter embarrassment.

Now, today I found this blog. This bitch is re-reading all the BSC books and blogging about it. It's fantastic. Here's a taste: "The front cover painting shows Jessi, Mallory, Dawn/Stacey (I can’t always tell them apart in cover art. Sometimes trendy/sophisticated and California casual look EXACTLY THE SAME!) are playing in the leaves with some kids, possibly Pikes." I always had that problem! I never knew which one was Dawn and which was Stacey on the damn covers. What was that about?