It turns out I still do like to watch television

Let’s talk about lesbians. Because I never, ever talk about them. In this case, right now, I am talking about hypothetical lesbians. There is a teaser happening on Grey’s that perhaps Callie and Hahn will become more than friends, and while I would loooooooove to see Sara Ramirez make out with a woman—and Hahn is hot, too—it’s not going to end well, if it even happens at all and is not just some stupid, stupid ploy to get lesbians to turn in hopefully only to have our dreams dashed once again. Ahem, anyway. One or both of them will realize they’re not really into women. That’s what always happens. Plus! Both of them are so straight. They’re good together, but really, just because two women are, you know, good friends doesn’t mean they’d work as lovers. Like Meredith and Cristina—their relationship is the only one on the show that doesn’t make me want to tear my hair out, and they love each other, and they’re pretty much perfect for each other, but they are so not gay.

Callie and Hahn are so not gay.

Well, Callie's so not gay. Hahn, on the other hand, I've always wondered about.

Man, but that laugh of Callie’s in the previews was so guilty. Aw, maybe she has a crush that Hahn does not return, because, uh, remember how the first thing she said to Cristina when she came back this season was that she was a great big hetero? Yeah. She did. She said that. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” says Gertrude, however. Er, or something like that.

In other news, Addison’s back! So maybe she and Callie can hook up like I always wanted. What? Let me have my dreams, cripes.

But I can’t lie. Ever since Callie and Hahn started hanging out a lot, I’ve been secretly wanting them to hook up. Just cuz. It would be hot! (I’m a dog, whatever.) However, if Callie and Hahn are hooking up, it doesn’t look like they’re gonna focus on it—at least not next week. When’s sweeps week, though? It’s soon, right? Primetime dramas love to bust out lesbian make-out sessions for sweeps!

Okay, so I know I haven’t even brought up the possibility that these women could be bisexual, and that really has more to do with television than whether I believe bisexuality actually exists. Anyway, on television, bisexuality definitely doesn’t exist, so women are either gay or straight and experimenting before realizing that they belong with men. And ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it’s the latter. Fuckin’ television.

Which is why I must sadly return to my point: Callie and Hahn are so not gay. I love that Addison is the one who seems to think so, though. Fuck Private Practice, and bring Addison back to Seattle permanently already.

And would it kill Grey’s Anatomy to have any god damn gay characters? I can’t even think of a gay patient. Come on! At least it’s not all white people. Right? Oh! There were those gay dads with the head-injured kid. But, what? No lesbians? SHOCKING.

In other news, there is some serious drama happening on 30 Rock! And by “serious” I actually mean not at all. But it’s awesome.

Oh my god, I totally forgot how much they made Callie suck this season, what with being lady-cuckolded and then being unable to handle being chief resident and then… blech! It looks like she’s back to herself, more or less, at least. But once again I must ask, if she’s got millions, why does she live on Cristina’s couch? And why aren’t they friends anymore? Did Hahn get in the way? And why does Hahn hate Cristina in the first place? Just because she slept with Burke? That is re-god-damn-diculous, because Cristina is clearly a talented surgeon, and she did not sleep her way into surgery. Jesus.

So in summary and conclusion, whatever happens (or doesn’t) with Callie and Hahn is going to be a humungous letdown. Sigh. So! To make myself feel better, here's a picture of smokin' hot Sara Ramirez:

That's better.