February 5, 2009

25 things about me that I will not post to Facebook

I actually started this list of random things about me to add to, like, my blogger profile or the sidebar or something in November, but then that stupid Facebook meme started going around, so I figured I'd add to this until I got 25, post it, and be done with it once and for all.

1. I cannot stand to have fabric covering my wrists for any significant length of time. When I wear long-sleeve shirts, I am constantly pushing up the sleeves. When I'm not pushing my glasses back up my nose, that is.

2. I like milk. A lot. In fact, if you won't drink a glass of milk straight, we're not actually friends. If you'll only drink milk straight with cookies, I'll think about letting you be my friend.

3. Witnessing the misuse of quotation marks and apostrophes will be what brings about my demise.

4. I consider myself to be a good sport most of the time, but I simply cannot handle being teased about making a punctuation error. Those jokes eat at my soul.

5. This is how I justify how horribly I make fun of people I don't even know. I allow myself to be made fun of, because, really, unless it's about a punctuation error I made, it's funny. Like one time, my brothers and I were stuck in Utica for two days with our family (eep), so we escaped and went to see a movie, and I was driving Tommy's car, which is wider or longer or something than my car, and I smacked into a curb in the parking lot, and for the rest of the weekend, my brothers would both shout out "curb whamp!" whenever the mood struck them, and instead of getting mad for being teased at my horrible driving skills, I laughed. Mostly because "whamp" is a funny word. Jeff and I did that once to Tommy--he was trying to make fun of the way Jeff was talking, and he said, "Do you speak Englis?" You know, mispronouncing English, and Jeff and I jumped all over that one, and we called him Englis for the rest of the year. At least I did. Jeff lost interest. And oh, he did not take that well at all. However, that might have also been because he was, like, ten, and ten-year-olds tend to have undeveloped senses of humor about themselves.

6. I like television shows that take place at least 1,000 years in the future, largely in outer space.

7. If there is anything I hate more than misplaced apostrophes, it may just be the phrase "feel badly."

8. I only ever do laundry when I run out of underwear.

9. One time, I gave up smoking for Lent even though I don't believe in Lent, just to prove to my roommate that I was not addicted.

10. I quit smoking once and for all when I got mono.

11. If I've been paying attention the whole time, the part when the audience joins in for "Edelweiss" toward the end of The Sound of Music makes me cry.

12. My mom has this new, totally awesome practice of saying things like, "You need a car? You can have mine--I'll get a new one" or "You need a couch for your new swingin' bachelor pad? You can have mine, and I'll throw in this love seat. I'll get new ones."

13. One time I wrote a note to this girl I was fond of, and I signed it "Sincerely cordially affectionately," and then, like, months later I discovered she'd never actually seen The Sound of Music, and I was so sad.

14. I really like Julie Andrews in general and The Sound of Music in particular, which I just thought I would make abundantly clear for you people.

15. When I found out Madeleine L'Engle had died, I actually got weepy. She's the first person whose death has upset me. I'm lucky that no one I actually know has died.

16. I named my cat Charles Wallace in honor of her. Originally, his name was going to be Mercutio. And, really, if I think people make fun of me for Charles Wallace, how bad would they make fun of me for naming a cat Mercutio?

17. I chipped one of my front teeth trying to grab an Allen wrench with them while my hands were holding pieces of my bed together--now I can't stop running my tongue along my teeth, like when I had braces, but even odder.

18. Katherine Heigl made me realize I was gay, but Jewel Staite is the one who actually turned me, when I was eleven, and she was on Space Cases in a rainbow wig. Also, I always forget that the geek set knows who she is now cuz she was on Firefly and shit. It's so weird when people aren't like, "Who the hell is that?" when I bring her up as my first-ever girl crush. Thanks, Joss!

19. I hate, hate, hate when people tell me what I'm like or what I clearly must be thinking. The two worst perpetrators of this are my mother and Ryan. The latter was never accurate; the former only accurate when telling me what I'm like--she knows, you know, having raised me herself and all. My whole life, there's only been one person who's ever been accurate about both things, and this is a recent and somewhat unnerving development I've not been handling with my usual grace.

20. I wish I had more time to read.

21. I may be twenty-four years old, but sometimes I find fart jokes to be the pinnacle of humor.

22. I hate going to the doctor/dentist/anything that requires making an appointment, but what I hate most about that whole process is calling to make the appointment. Talking to some unknown on the phone gives me anxiety like crazy.

23. I wish I had realized I was gay a lot, lot sooner. Back before I was a fully-fledged giant dyke and just going to gay places with Ryan and Mike, my mom used to worry about things like what if people there thought I was gay, which made me mental. I never cared what people thought about me--if they wanted to think I was gay, I wasn't going to dissuade them, and this was before I was just like, "I AM SO GAY." Ryan also used to get so mad if, like, the gays he knew asked him if I was gay, which I believe is a fair question if you're showing up to gay things a lot, but he seemed to think it was insulting, even though he knew I was beginning to realize I liked girls. I can't think of anything less insulting, myself. Perhaps if someone asked if brown is my natural hair color--that might be less insulting than someone asking if I'm gay.

24. I drank my first beer in Fennel Hall, one of the freshman boys' dorms, a few weeks into my freshman year of college, when I was trying to be social with my roommates and some dweeb guys they knew. It was a warm-ish can of Budweiser, and somehow it didn't turn me off beer--or socializing--forever.

25. Sometimes I actually miss working at Bath & Body Works.

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