Nonsense

Oh man, remember that time Chief thought he was a Cylon and went mental, and Cavil was the one who talked him down, even though Cavil was a Cylon and all, and Cavil knew he wasn't one of the seven (eight!), but holy balls, he knew Chief was one of the five.

Madness!

And he killed the favorite son (seven) because he was jealous and then wreaked utter destruction on humanity, which is, uh, way worse than anything Cain ever did. I mean, Cain killed one favorite son and was doomed to wander the Earth forever, unable to find rest. I guess that's true of Cavil--he'll have to wonder the universe forever, unable to find rest, because he will never get the acceptance from the five, Ellen especially, that he wants and refuses to admit he wants.

Cavil wants to be a machine, but the five made him the humanest (weakest?) of all the models, all old and stuff.

I am having such trouble with the religious allusions on this show, because the significance never quite hits me--or exists.
Like this promo image for season 4 from the iTunes store with Roslin, Xena, Tigh, Lee, Baltar, Six, Starbuck, Sam, Chief, Athena, Helo, and Adama is framed almost exactly like The Last Supper, except there's someone missing, and Roslin and Adama seem to be apart from everyone else. And it puts Six in the Jesus position. What is the significance of this? It's not an effin' accident. Baltar's in almost the right spot to be Judas, though, you guys.

And the amazingly Biblical names of some of the male Cylons (all of them except Leoben and Galen, actually):
Saul - a king of Israel
Samuel - a prophet, who anointed Saul and David kings of Israel
John - harbinger of the Messiah
Daniel - a prophet
Simon - the original name of Peter, Jesus's head disciple
Aaron - Moses's brother

None of them connect! Why bother with this if it doesn't mean something???

And this "twelve but not really" thing--twelve tribes of Kobol, oh except for this renegade thirteenth. Twelve cylon models, oh except there was one more, but oh he was broken, so never mind. Twelve tribes of Israel, twelve Olympic gods, twelve signs of the Zodiac after which the Kobolios named their planets. Those are constellations you can see from Earth!

How does Earth really fit into this? Did we abandon it and go to Kobol, and a couple thousand years later the thirteenth tribe returned?

When Ellen said Daniel was an artist, I immediately connected that with Kara, because of her eye of Jupiter painting and whatever, but Daniel's genetic code is broke, and his model never got off the shelf, except for one, obviously, for Cavil to be jealous of. And you know what the one Daniel did? Come on. He clearly fathered Kara Thrace. Ba-dah!

Are the final five machines or not? If they weren't, it would make sense for why Tigh and Six were able to make a baby. The centurion/human combo models can't reproduce with each other, but they can with the five, because the five aren't part machine! Hey? I don't effin' know. But then the thirteenth tribe, who went to Earth, were all Cylon. Were they Cylon when they left Kobol? Did humanity engineer the Centurions before the thirteenth tribe to its ticket outta there, or did they build robots separately from the robots the twelve tribes built?

The robots blew up Earth because they were mad at the way they were being treated, so the five, who had prepared the technology for resurrection, took a long, slow journey back to Kobol to warn them to treat their robots right--so the robots must have been created before the thirteenth tribe went to Earth, since they knew the Kobolios had robots. When they got there too late, they engineered the armistice by promising to help the Centurions build biological models. Thus, the Powerpuff Girls Cavil, Leoben, Xena, Simon, Doral, Six, Daniel, and Sharon were born, unbeknowst to the rest of humanity.

Long before the second holocaust, Cavil killed his creators and placed them strategically throughout humanity. What was he doing while he waited? How did Daniel get to Caprica?

I am so confused.

And also where did the five get the genetic material to make the eight models? From themselves? Then some of them are, say, Ellen and Saul's children and some Tory and Chief's? So, for real, Six is Saul's daughter. Eeeeeeew.