Another dream diary entry

Oh my god. I keep meaning to tell Allison this story, because she's the only person I know who watches So You Think You Can Dance (and is in fact the reason I started watching it), but I always forget, so she's gonna have to hear it here. Maybe.

Anyway. Some nights ago, I had a dream about Cat Deeley, the awesomest host of a reality show ever. At the beginning of the dream, someone in my family had brought her over to set her up with my uncle (except that...none of the other people in my dream were actually members of my family--it was like I had a whole different dream family, which was so weird), so we all went out to dinner at a restaurant in downtown Nashua that only exists in my dreams. This whole thing was more surreal than dreams usually are, in that none of it was based in reality whatsoever. There wasn't a single person or place in there that I actually knew, and yet in the dream it was understood that these people were my family, and this place was in Nashua, right at the top of Main Street.

Okay, so really, the point of this story was that at some point during dinner, I started getting all friendly with Cat Deeley, and she sat herself down in my lap (!) and then later asked me to marry her (!!). I don't even know what my response was, but I remember feeling some dream guilt because I was seeing someone. What? It is a dream, and Cat Deeley is on my lap, and the dream me decides I have a girlfriend so I can't go for it?

The dream me is weak.

Irrational fears and board games

Do you know what makes me super uncomfortable? Playing a game you don't know how to play with a bunch of people who have been playing this game, like, their entire lives. Seriously, just thinking about it makes me break out in hives, because I have a deathly fear of making a mistake in front of people. And when you're playing a game that for everyone else around you is second nature, it's easy to make a mistake and get PUBLICLY RIDICULED for it, because to them it seems so easy. But to you, you're all confused. And I fear nothing more than looking dumb in front of people. So much so that I'd rather just lose than risk making an incorrect play. Let me learn the game first! Then I will kick your ass.

This is not to say that I do not do the EXACT SAME THING to people who are trying to learn a game I can play in my sleep. I never pretended I wasn't a hypocrite.

In other news, since summer is almost over, I'm trying to compile a playlist of summer tunes. What're your faves for summer? Um, if anyone is still reading this anyway. Maybe if I really want input, I should find more direct ways of contacting people...

If anyone says "I Kissed a Girl," she dies.

In transition

Some things about this month are just no fun. Chief among them is my mysterious cold/possible sinus infection that doesn't really inhibit my breathing, but it makes me cough and sometimes feel light-headed. And sometimes my ears feel clogged. But I think it's getting better. So...I've been kind of a Debbie Downer this month cuz of that. I think I'm feelin' happier.

Today I got to see Jen, and we went to Newport, and I got Del's frozen lemonade, and oh that did wonders for my mood. Then I got to talk to Jess, albeit briefly (for a conversation with Jess, anyway), and we just may be able to do our Pirates marathon and go to Canobie Lake before the end of the summer.

And then! My grandparents called me today, but I missed the call. I wonder what they want. Hopefully they want to see me Labor Day weekend. That would be good.

This is, like, the lamest blog entry ever, but I got sick of not updating. So I guess I'll just post shiz like this until I get back into the swing of things. Bear with me, the three of you. Please?

My favorite novelist

"'You're a funny kid,' Zach tells Vicky: 'a mixture of goody-goody little Miss Prunes, and quite a gal. I look forward to knowing you in five years.' Trust us, Zach, there's all this crap about dolphins and lovers and telekenesis and it's AWESOME."

From a fond look back on The Moon by Night, courtesy of Lizzie at Jezebel.

A brief Runway rundown

Okay, I know there are probably plenty of (brainless) people who found Tim Gunn trying to say "holla atcha boy" hilarious and charming and whatever, but I just found it horrifying. Though I guess it was a little cute that he enunciated all the words, "holler at your boy" as only Tim Gunn would. But the really hilarious thing was that when he was like, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" all Blayne could say was, "You know, it's like holla atcha dawgs!" Like, thanks for the clarification, bonehead. I don't think anyone ever explained it to him, but I stopped listening, because it was making me uncomfortable.

Blayne is my least favorite.

Stella is all I had hoped Sweet P would be.

I don't remember who any of the rest of these people are--but I do remember that I thought every single dress in the last challenge was hideous. Especially the one that won, with the tulle. And Sandra Bernhard was nowhere near as smartassed as I was hoping she would be.

Heidi's still hot, though, and I still love Nina Garcia. Oh yes I do.

Imaginary girlfriend #1

Brandi Carlile
Back when I still thought I could rank this list, Brandi spent the most time at the top of this list, because I was the most obsessed with her at the time. Her voice is killer, and only Sara Ramirez is more beautiful.
Plus, she’s a big ol’ dyke, even if she won’t talk about it out loud. She was the first lesbian on the imaginary girlfriend list, and she’s my favorite kind of girl: one who acts “boyish” but totally looks like a girl (most of the time, anyway). (Bridget also falls into this category—and she looks even girlier than Brandi.)
She, too, pretends to be a Red Sox fan when she's in Boston. I still don't know why that doesn't infuriate me. I think because she looks cute in the hat.
So the obsession has cooled, as I knew it would, but I’m sure on August 2, the fire will be burning bright once again. The girl is hottttt.
Also, the Potato posted a comment on my myspace (oh lord) that said, "I think Brandi Carlile would talk about beers with you...'cause I think she's a drunk." I think he's right--about her bein' a drunk, anyway. And I love a girl who loves her liquor.

Self-censorship

Sometimes there are things I need to say, because saying them or writing them--getting them out of my own head somehow--makes them real, makes me feel like they're not just my imagination or that I won't choke on them any longer. Sometimes these things are best not shared with the entire internet. What do I do with them then?

Start a diary? What am I, eight?

Imaginary girlfriend #2

Kelly Clarkson
I also almost kicked Kelly off the list for Sara Ramirez, but I could not bear to do it. She’s not the hottest girl on this list, and people make fun of me for my love for her all the time, but I think she’s beautiful, and I love to listen to her sing, and yes she’s blonde now, but whatever.

All I have to do is listen to her sing "Stuff Like That There" from the first season of American Idol, and the love returns full force.


Also, check out this totally dyke-tastic picture featured in last June's issue of Elle.
Come on! I lost my mind for that one, even if I didn't find her particularly attractive all done up that way. It was just so gay it was awesome.
Also, the girl pretended to be a Red Sox fan in Boston--I know that should enrage me, but...I found it so adorable. Even if she did wear the pink hat! So what! She's cute! I don't care! Marry me, Kelly!

Ahem.
I love her. Forever. And just because I totally love this picture, I'll go out with Kelly and Jenny McCarthy in a bathtub together:

When I can't watch tv, I read about it

As far as reality shows go, reading the recaps on Television Without Pity is almost always more entertaining than watching the actual show:

"Mary calls them two of the most beautiful dancers she's ever seen, and allows herself a quiet 'woo!' The kind of 'woo!' she'd say if her mom was there and said, 'Mary, indoor voice, please.'"

Mary Murphy needs to calm the fuck down, yo. She looks like Marie Osmond and babbles like Paula Abdul (although, I will admit she actually knows what she's talking about), but she screeches like a baboon. Who needs that? At least Paula Abdul is, you know, subdued, usually. Gimme that any day.

However, I will say that these days So You Think You Can Dance is more entertaining than Idol, because there is so much less bullshit, and you know, Cat Deeley. She's seriously the greatest reality show host of all time, and Ryan Seacrest needs to be replaced right now. Right now!

Twitter-style thoughts that won't actually fit in Twitter

I should work where Kat works. Apparently, she can access facebook at her office. I used to be able to, but then some IS nerd cottoned on. I bet she can get youtube there too…

On Saturday, I will finally hand in my passport application. I just have to take some snazzy photographs—snazzy enough to be able to book a modeling job with them. Can’t say Tyra Banks never taught me anything.

Next time I mail something to Canada, I think I will supply my own box. That will cut down on time spent in the post office trying to wrangle their roll of packaging tape. In fact, it will probably eliminate that facet of my trip to the post office altogether.

I still have entries on imaginary girlfriends numbers one and two to write, but since I’m the only one who cares about that bananas, I shouldn’t let it keep me awake at night any longer.

I made a totally boss digital mix tape at muxtape.com. It’s just a mix of twelve songs that I consistently groove on, nothing new or earth-shattering, but if you’re interested in seeing a teeny slice of my iTunes library you can check it out here: electricjellybean61284.muxtape.com. (Click on the song to play it.)

Don't tell anyone, but...I miss her.

Blue crazeberry is the only acceptable chapstick flavor

Okay, I cannot escape this stupid "I Kissed a Girl Song." They played it at the bar last night, so of course all the lesbians were screaming along with the chorus, and now I can't get it out of my head. Also, when we were in line for some roller coaster last weekend, some teenage girl was singing it for her friends, and I was like, "Really? REALLY?" When something like that happens, it's hard not to wonder if it's, like, indirectly pointed at you, the obvious dyke in line in front of them. Or maybe that's just me, because I'm so vapid and narcissistic.

Also! There was this other time, Allison and I were on an escalator, and I had my hand on her ass, because sexually harassing my nearest and dearest friends is just my way, when some small child behind us said, "Lesbians!" in this, like, "Wow, they're real!" kind of voice. And Allison didn't even hear it! But I was like, "Oh my god, really? REALLY?" and I have since stopped groping my friends in public. More or less.

Anyway, the song is stupid, and it's been in my head for a week, and I don't understand why lesbians like it so much. You know what comes after "I kissed a girl and I liked it"? "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." This is all about a girl getting all sapphic for the titillation of her straight male companions. That's not gay. I mean, I don't have a problem with it if that's what you wanna do, and you're not leading some poor dyke on--whatever gets your rocks off, children. But I don't need to hear it at the gay bar. You know?

I have the film taste of an eight- to ten-year-old

With the release of Wall-E last weekend, it seems that everyone is making a list of their favorite Pixar movies. So. Here’s mine.

9. Cars
This movie is, like, almost exclusively for pre-school aged boys. (I’m all for gender equality and stuff, but I have never met a four-year-old girl obsessed with machines. They must exist, though, right? Anyway.) It’s cute and all, and it’s Pixar, so it is good, but it’s just not the best.

8. A Bug’s Life
This is the only Pixar movie I don’t own, and I’ve only seen it once, so you’d think it wouldn’t be better than Cars, but… I like movies about living things better than machines. Uh, generally. Plus, the cast of voice actors in this movie is awesome.

7. Ratatouille
Okay, I bought this without even seeing it once—I don’t know how Mike and I missed it in theaters—and it was totally worth it. The only thing is that I fell asleep in the middle, which was more a reflection on my hectic lifestyle than it was on the movie. That just means I haven’t given Ratatouille the chance to rocket up the list yet, because it is seriously sweet and hilarious. And it’s about a rat who is a gourmet cook! It’s charming. Plus, the main human character’s name is Linguini. Like, for real.

6. Toy Story 2
Everyone says the sequel is better than the original, so maybe I haven’t given the sequel a fair chance, but… It’s good—I may have even cried—but the original Toy Story still bests it for me. Still, Sarah McLachlan singing “When She Loved Me”—I’d have to be made of stone not to be moved by that. I think I should watch this one again, probably.

5. Toy Story
Okay, for years I used to wonder what my toys would do while I was at school—or away on vacation—and this movie just brought my imagination to life in the most perfect way. And when I was ten or whatever, it was hilarious. And I still love the aliens in that claw machine at the pizza place. Toy Story was brilliant. Brilliant, I say, and it still holds up for me.

4. Wall-E
Right, so this is the movie about machines I liked better than a movie about living things. You guys. It is so sweet and so funny, and oh my god. I spent the whole movie wanting to grab Mike’s hand, but I didn’t because we’re not in love in that way. So. Sweet. And the animation is mind-blowing. I am definitely going to see this one again in theaters.

3. The Incredibles
Oh my god, this movie. When it was released in theaters, I had very little interest in it, so I didn’t see it until we were in Texas in 2005 when it was on the Pay-Per-View channels, and I think we watched it almost every night, because there was nothing else on, and I never got tired of it. And, yo. I know everyone says this, but I. Love. Edna. Also, Holly Hunter is hot even when you can’t see her.

2. Monsters, Inc.
This was another Pixar movie I didn’t see until long after it was out of theaters, and I don’t know why, because it slayed me. Billy Crystal and Jennifer Tilly are generally intolerable, but they were some of the best things about this movie. It’s just brilliant and all heart-warming, and I love the Abominable Snowman.

1. Finding Nemo
If you know me, and you know my favorite classically animated Disney movie is The Little Mermaid, you shouldn’t be surprised that Finding Nemo is my favorite Pixar film. I love anything that takes place in the ocean. Love it. Plus, Finding Nemo is far and away the funniest of Pixar’s offerings, and it features Ellen Degeneres’s best performance ever, as Dory, the forgetful, golden-hearted fish. As an added bonus, Allison Janney plays a starfish. I don’t think Pixar will ever top this one.

Oh! Plus, the animated short before Wall-E, featuring an adorable bunny rabbit, is probably my favorite short of Pixar’s. I would go see Wall-E again just for that.

So. Anyone wanna weigh in? Am I the only one out there who’s seen all of Pixar’s movies?