Cielo y mar

That stupid crush was--as they always are--even stupider than I wanted to think it was.

It's sad, but true.

I hate working late. I would like to take this opportunity to blame Eric Gagne for the fact that I didn't leave Bath & Body Works until 12:15 this morning. Frickin' Gagne. I did, however, keep myself entertained by singing the best songs from The Little Mermaid and making Abbie crazy.

All you're going to be is one of the next bitches.

I get these fits where I just keep skipping everything iTunes plays even if I, like, love the song. Next, next, next, neeeeeeexxxxxxxxtttttttt. Until, of course, iTunes picks the one girl in all the world I cannot skip. Sometimes that takes a long time; sometimes it takes half a second. Oh, iTunes, you are so fickle.

And that's what would have happened if I'd invented the finglonger.

Handbrake is the greatest program ever written, people. I have ripped almost all my Futurama DVDs onto my iMac, and it was so easy! I can't believe I was so violently anti-Mac less than a year ago. I just wish I had, like, a 12TB hard drive so I could rip all of my DVDs onto it. I love the idea of being able to watch whatever you want whenever you want just by pointing a remote at your computer. No need to get up and put in discs! No need to figure out which box and which disc the time skips episode of Futurama is on. I am so lazy!

You didn't tell me you were taking me to a gay bar!

Mike and I went to the one gay bar in all of New Hampshire on Saturday for the first time in, like, two months, and we had such fun. We drank Bud Lights, didn't talk to anyone but the bartenders, and made fun of people all night long. That's the reason we go there in the first place, to make fun of all the gays trying too hard. And the unfortunate-looking people. Because Mike and I are the hottest, coolest, smartest gay people in New Hampshire. Just so you know. Also, we played pool, and I finally kicked his ass! Twice. Is that ice? Hi-yah!

Ahem. No, I mean, we do make fun of people, and we're jackasses, but I mean, I imagine people make fun of us too, so I don't really feel bad about it. We also spent some of the night making fun of each other. If you can't laugh at yourself (and other people!), then what is the point of anything?

Now I would like to take this opportunity to bemoan the state of the gay community in New Hampshire. The people who go out, anyway, are all...eeesh. I was in the bathroom at one point, and all the girls in there were dressed like little baby gangstas, talking about how they did too many drugs in high school to remember anything and how they didn't even graduate, and one of them had a baby, and I don't think any of them were even wearing "You can serve me alcohol" wristbands. That just made me sick. Druggies and dropouts and teenage moms. Come on! I know shit happens, but why can't you finish high school? And if you didn't finish high school, why would you go around bragging about it? Wouldn't you at least get your GED so you could get a job?

Even the girls who aren't bragging about dropping out of high school and being high all the time still dress like little gansters and pop their collars and generally make me unable to look at them. Where are the lesbians who wear flannel shirts and boys' t-shirts and clothes that fit??? This is why I only fall for straight girls. And also why I need to get out of New Hampshire. Which sucks because I like it here. And I don't do well with change--though I have gotten much better about that since my sophomore year of college.

Oh! Also? The one gay bar in all of New Hampshire attracts the ugliest drag queens I have ever seen. Nothing like Patrick Swayze.

Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!

Mike won't see Sweeney Todd with me because he is a wuss. I did not know this. I mean, he made me watch Silent Hill, which totally fuckin' freaked me out, and he can't go see Sweeney Todd? Jess! When are we going to see it? He also had issues with Kill Bill, the violence of which is so over the top, I can't believe it would bother anyone. My mom loved Kill Bill, and she does not go for that crap. I don't go for that crap either, but seriously, watching Lucy Liu scamper across the table to wallop that guy's head off was one of the most amazing movie experiences of my life. That is part of the reason that Cashmere Mafia makes me sad. The other part is, of course, the dicking around they're doing with this lesbian storyline. Stupid network television. No one's ever a lesbian for more than six episodes.

Now I get why award shows are important:

Tina Fey SAG Awards
Uploaded by worldhappiness

How mother-fucking amazing is that woman? (Thanks to afterellen.com for that bit of beautifulness.) I also like how Chandra Wilson and Jane Krakowski both seem so excited for Ms. Fey. Beautiful.