I never was cool

What did I tell you? If I bought a kitten, this would turn into a cat blog. I am now a crazy lesbian who likes her cat too much. At least I only have one. For now. And he's cute! So sue me.

Hey, so I finally accurately called the ending of a reality show! Of course, it was Shot at Love, so it's really nothing to be proud of, but two weeks ago, I bet the air in front of me ten bucks that Bobby would win, and the air in front of me has not paid up. That's what I get for making bets with things that are not even corporeal. So, hands up, who fell for MTV's attempt to make you think Tila suddenly changed her mind while making out with Bobby? Come on now. Not even she is that retarded. I can't believe MTV even tried. Also, she's a "singer/songwriter"? I indicate my disbelief with those quotation marks of sarcasm. Please. I believe model, but not singer/songwriter. Finally, could MTV be any more cliched? Lesbian love connection = Indigo Girls? At first, I kind of thought it was hilarious, their lack of imagination, but now I just find it gross. The Indigo Girls are too good for MTV reality trash. Of course, I still laughed all the way through "Least Complicated" last night--I don't take these things that seriously.

Some other fool across the ocean years ago
must have crashed his little airplane

If Brandi and the Indigo Girls were going to Texas, that would be a good excuse to go see Carlos--and drag him to the show. He likes the Indigo Girls a lot, though--and we played Amy Ray's solo album on Girly Sounds when it was in the add bin. And! We played a live version of "Shame on You" and totally forgot to censor that f-bomb Miss Ray drops. Whatever--I think that was when we had our radio show on, like, Sunday morning, and no one was listening. Jess told me she called him during Brandi's set at PC to get his butt down to wherever they were playing (where were they playing? the Alumni gym? Slavin lawn? I don't even know), convinced he'd love her, but I think he was just like, "Yeah, she's good." Oh, Carlos. I wonder if Josh was there. I'd think he'd have apprecianted that the girl tours with a cello player. However! Even if they were going to Texas, I kind of doubt they'd make it to El Paso--or anywhere near El Paso. Damn Texas is so huge. I'd have better luck dragging him to a show if they ended up in, like, Albuquerque. But is that any likelier than their appearing in El Paso?

Darker than night were the eyes of Felina
Wicked and evil while casting her spell

Do you know what I can't stand? (Many things, but here's just one.) When the phrase "all right" is written as one word: alright. It's not a word, people, just like "alot" is not a word. It's a phrase. Composed of two separate words. I also can't stand when people put apostrophes in plural words for no reason, like words is now word's. I hate that even more than your for you're. Seriously. Speaking of things I can't stand: why do people still use emoticons? They make me break out in hives. When I had a livejournal, my bio consisted of a quotation of a diatribe against emoticons lifted from the pages of Eats, Shoots & Leaves. Oh my god, I am such a nerd.

I don't wanna be the sober one
I don't wanna be your only one

Oh! And while we're still speaking of things I can't stand, let's move on to a lesser category: things that bug me--in songs, when a word is rhymed with itself. Avril Lavigne is the only perpetrator I can think of at the moment, because Carlos and I totally bonded over this issue while Jess made us listen to that song of hers that was on the radio senior year. I can't remember the name or any words or even the melody, but she rhymed a word with itself. And lately, it's happened in that Victoria's Secret commercial with the model babbling about the air bra or whatever the hell it is, and she rhymes air with itself. Hideous. The remedy for this is changing the word before the ending word and pronouncing them together, like they're one word that happens to rhyme with the word at the end of the preceding line. That makes it somewhat okay--because repetition can be necessary in a song or poem. I can't think of an example right now--those lines I spewed forth above don't really qualify, but they don't bug nearly as much as that Avril song or the Victoria's Secret commercial, because the repetition is necessary. Or I'm giving Brandi a pass. You decide.

I don't think most of that paragraph made any sense... Oh, well. Next bitch!

Speaking of next bitches, I bought Lizzy's album on cdbaby.com, and it's good. Weird like Lizzy--but good. Naturally, "Next Bitch" is still my fave. I miss when she would just hang around Dore, playing her guitar--once she even played Jen and me to sleep while we decided to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon. She's good peeps, Lizzy Picciallo is. Heh, and then another time, she, Carlos, Katrina, and I got baked at Katrina's house in the middle of the day, and we ate crunchy peanut butter sandwiches, and Carlos started freaking out in this way that was really hilarious, because I was too stoned to, like, decide if he was really freaking out or just being a doof. Drugs are bad for that boy.

That's not what I said
and that's not what I meant
To be honest
you lack substance

This quotes/lyrics in between paragraphs thing is probably not the new format for blog entries. It's just something I feel compelled to do right now. I have quotes and song lyrics tumbling around in my head at all times, and sometimes I just need to get them out.

I love it when snow has an ice covering, because the ground gets all smooth and shimmering, and then it's fun to, like, bust through it with your tattered Dr. Marten. It's also fun when it holds your weight, so you can walk on it gingerly, just waiting to fall through. Although that's more fun when someone's walking ahead of you, and he's the one who falls through. Whatever, people falling down is funny. I never said I went for highbrow humor. Or highbrow anything, for that matter.

We're livin' in a powder keg and givin' off sparks!

Those lyrics have nothing to do with anything, but "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is on the radio right now, and I love that line. So dramatic! You know what other song I forgot I loved? "Somebody to Love" by Queen. I heard it last night in my brother's car--my sixteen-year-old brother listens to classic rock stations. I suspect that this has something to do with Guitar Hero. (Also, is Guitar Hero hard? It sounds like the kind of video game I could get behind, but I have no sense of music timing and no finger coordination. So it's probably not hard, but it would be hard for me.) I should have asked for iTunes money for Christmas, because the way I sit at work downloading whatever song pops into my head gets expensive. (No I did not just download "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Hearing it on the radio is enough for me.)

Ever since I started bitching about the film version of The Golden Compass, people searching things related to it have stumbled upon here. I got two variations of "why did the master try to poison Lord Asriel?" and one about Mrs. Coulter and one: "who put the spyfly in the tin?" Well, to that last one, I say, intrepid googler, that that was Farder Coram. Now. Why did the Master try to poison Lord Asriel? That is a good question. Most likely because he thought that if Lord Asriel didn't set off for the North to, you know, build his bridge, he could prevent Lyra's destiny, because he loved Lyra and wanted to keep her safe. And clearly, the only way to stop Asriel is to kill him. But, um, if the alethiometer told him what was going to happen to Lyra, then it was going to happen. And it did happen, precisely because he tried to kill Lord Asriel. Oooh, fate is weird, innit?

By the way, none of you has predicted the future and told me the fate of The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass as films. I hate to say this, but I'm disappointed in all [three] of you.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever started lovin' you

I think this is in serious contention for best song title ever: "You're Pretty Good Looking (for a Girl)." I could never explain to you why I find the White Stripes' music so amazing--because I can't explain anything about music--but I love them so. Song titles like this just bolster the love some more.

If Ben Folds's audience participation bit in "Army" went head to head with Brandi and the boys' in "Turpentine," who would win? If the "Turpentine" bit went head to head with the "Not the Same" bit, Brandi and the boys would win, I think, but Ben's "Army" thing is so fun. Why is everything a competition for me?

When Canada is dead and gone, there'll be no more Celine Dion!

Forgive me if this is totally wrong, but I swear to god I heard Celine Dion singing "Feliz Navidad" on the radio yesterday, and now I'm too frightened to look it up and confirm. That song is awful enough as it is, but if Celine Dion is singing it? Shudder.

Speaking of Christmas music, though, I felt compelled to make a mix CD of songs that don't give me hives for the holidays:
1. "Welcome Christmas" - All the Whos down in Whoville
2. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" - Leon Redbone & Zooey Deschanel
3. "What's This?" - Danny Elfman (from The Nightmare Before Christmas)
4. "Donde esta Santa Claus?" - Guster
5. "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - Barenaked Ladies & Sarah McLachlan
6. "I Saw Three Ships" - The Chieftains with Marianne Faithfull
7. "The First Noel/Mary, Mary" - Sarah McLachlan
8. "Spotlight on Christmas" - Rufus Wainwright
9. "2000 Miles" - The Pretenders
10. "Twelve Days of Christmas" - John Denver and the Muppets
11. "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" - Thurle Ravenscroft
12. "I Want an Alien for Christmas" - Fountains of Wayne
13. "All I Want for Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey
14. "What Child Is This?" - Sarah McLachlan
15. "River" - Joni Mitchell
16. "Blue Christmas" - Bright Eyes
17. "The Heartache Can Wait" - some chick named Brandi
18. "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - Martina Sorbara
19. "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" - Sixpence None the Richer
20. "One More Sleep 'Til Christmas" - Kermit the Frog
21. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - The Pretenders

Light on the Jesus, but I do still love some of the traditional songs. The best part of that Muppets' "Twelve Days of Christmas" is when they all join in for the "ba dum bum bum" after Miss Piggy wails "five goooooooold rings." I love it. (That's a good album title, right? No Hives for the Holidays? I'm a genius.)