Okay, here's another girl crush that just came to me out of nowhere: Annabeth Gish, but really only specifically in Mystic Pizza. Now, Mystic Pizza came out when I was four, so Annabeth Gish is a little old for me, but she's so cute in that movie. I think that must have been the reason I bought it. I did, however, recently see a short film in which she played a lesssssbian, so that was fun, but she's not as cute now as she was in Mystic Pizza--she's still pretty, but I don't have a crush on present-day Annabeth Gish. And, as lovely as she is in that movie, her storyline gives me the hebes. It was like Grace and Mr. Dmitri on Once & Again, but even heebier, because Kat's man had a kid and a wife. Blarf.
Oh, man. If the IMDB can be believed, Annabeth Gish is actually younger than imaginary girlfriend number two, Tina Fey. Apparently, she was actually seventeen in Mystic Pizza. Now I kind of feel dirty for crushing on a seventeen-year-old.
So back when we started putting out all the holiday stuff, the store started smelling exactly as it had when I developed this ridiculous crush on this cute straight girl who worked, and the scent association painfully brought back those ridiculous feelings. I'm over that now, so of course some other stupid straight girl has to start stupid straight girl flirting with me. This never happens to me--and I can't handle it when it does--and she started it! Actually, I think maybe Abbie and Shannon started it, because they'd been fighting over who got to be my work girlfriend (Abbie is married, and Shannon is almost too straight to function, so I didn't get stupid about this), and then Sue, another new girl (who is also married), got in on the action, and so I figured I'd include this other new girl, just jokingly, and she totally played along, which I was not expecting. And then yesterday, she brought it up again, and we started playing the "I'll stealthily untie your apron while I walk behind your register" game, which is what Vanessa and I used to do, and I was, like, "Shit! This has got to stop." When she left for the day, I said to Liza, "She totally wants me," and Liza was, like, "Who doesn't?" Who doesn't indeed. I kind of feel like the store whore now. But this is the reason I haven't quit yet--everyone who works there is awesome. Except that one woman who may or may not have horns on the top of her head... Actually, speaking of the Devil, she has been a lot nicer lately--to everyone but Liz. Poor Liz. It's weird, though, because now that the Devil is being markedly less devilicious, Ally seems to be taking her side more, which is kind of distressing me. Oh well. Ally and I are still work BFFs--she let me be late to work yesterday morning so I could go get breakfast, and then she talked to me for an hour about something that was agitating me, and she's the greatest.
No, but seriously, I don't get it. Every time I've worked with the Devil--probably since a few weeks after Bruce left--she's had something nice to say about the work I've done. Usually, I would bust my ass setting a wall or moving tables or organizing the stock room, and she would say, "Wow, this looks great"--but she would never acknowledge me or the other girls who had done the work to make it look great. Now she actually says, "The back room looks great, you guys" while looking right at me and my partner in crime or "Good job on that table, Emily." It's kind of creeping me out. The store's still a lot more fun when she's not there, but she's getting tolerable, I guess.
All right, enough of this. How adorable was Sarah Jessica Parker on Project Runway? I am mad because I fell asleep right before the runway show, but man was that a good episode. She was so way cooler than that pageant queen they had last season, and she just seemed so nice, and all the designers were clearly thrilled to meet her. And my favorite part of the whole thing was her exit, when Tim prompted, "Why don't you say that line you've been waiting to say?" and she got all giggly and did the "see you on the runway!" So cute--she's clearly a fan of the show.
And oh, how I have missed Tim Gunn. But this Christian fellow, who is too gay to function, is no Daniel Vosovic. I hope he books it soon, because I just can't stand looking at him. He is what Mike and I refer to as a "fagtron"--so fucking gay, he's like an android merely programmed to be as stereotypically gay as possible. The girl version of this is "lesbot," which is what Mike calls me when I start watching sports over his head at the bar. But fagtrons are seriously more prevalent than lesbots. What is it about gay men that makes them think they have to be these stereotypes in order to actually be gay, to be accepted by other gays? I mean, I know there's truth to these stereotypes, but so many guys seem to have nothing but the stereotypes--and as many stereotypes as they can cram into themselves. Also, the thing that pisses me off the most about this fagtron problem, is that straight girls seem to expect all gay guys to be like that. Which is the problem with all stereotypes, I realize, but I think this one makes me angry because I take it personally. I mean, I get mad when people stereotype Jews or Chinese people, because that's gross, but I can't take it personally, because I'm not Jewish or Chinese. And I know I'm not a gay man, but I'm still gay, okay?
Well, Christ, I don't know how I got from Project Runway into a faux deep discussion of gay stereotypes, but I think that's enough of that for today. And, anyway, Mike and I made up the fagtron thing to be funny, not to worry about how people perceive gay people--or how gay people perceive themselves. That kind of crap is waaay to heavy for this stupid blog. Next bitch!
These days, I've been thinking if I were to actually meet Brandi Carlile, the number one thing I'd want to ask her is if she's read The Neverending Story, since she has the auryn tattooed on both of her arms and everything. I would really hope that a movie wouldn't inspire permanent body markings, but you know I'm behind book-inspired tattoos. My own (hypothetical) double-arm tattoos are book-inspired. I have a million other things I'd want to talk to her about, but novel vs. movie is at the top of the list. Of course. If you can count on one thing from me, people, it's that Brandi Carlile and books will always top my list. You can imagine how fucking thrilled I was to see that The Story looks like a book. This, kind of, gives me hope that she has read it. This shouldn't matter, because, like, I don't even know her, but I get so worked up by the fact that people don't read--it especially bugs me when people get all excited about a movie and have absolutely no interest in reading the book upon which it was based. I already whined about Mike's absolute disinterest in reading The Golden Compass, but really. It makes me sad. This is why, despite the fact that what I've read so far has given me hives, I will probably eventually read Legally Blonde.
Now. Mean Girls was based upon a book, but it was based upon a non-fiction study of teenage girls, and Tina Fey created the plot and characters her own self. So does that count? I hate non-fiction, too. I also hate true stories of how girls are horrible to each other. However, I think, just because I'm me, I will end up reading Queen Bees and Wannabes at some point in my life. I mean, I read Emma, for crying out loud. This can't be any worse than that. (Legally Blonde, on the other hand, can.)
Okay, let's go back to Project Runway, so I can talk about the people I love: Elisa, for being just absolutely fucking crazy; Sweet P, for her "Sweet P," "Mean P" double-arm tattoos--hilarious--and the fact that Sweet P was her moniker in her all girls' motorcycle gang; and Victorya, for generally kicking fashion ass. Mostly, I don't have anything to say about the clothes beyond, "God, that's horrible" or "Oh, that's kind of cool." I watch for the crazy sewing fools. And Tim and Heidi. And Nina Garcia, who I totally haven't had the time to appreciate this season, because I keep falling asleep right before the runway. I miss you, Nina Garcia. Also, I haven't noticed any awesome models yet, and I hope that's because of my runway narcolepsy, but really, who's gonna top Nazri? Or even Amanda and Marilinda? And, as far as I can tell, there's no Vincent this season. Thank god.
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